Complex Issues
by Lucinda Kagamine
Summary: "You are not special your dragging me down I can't stand it." I always feel like that's what he feels towards me. "You don't know what you truly have until you lose it." An Amber centered fanfic Hope everyone enjoys it.
1. Downward eternal spiral

Hello everyone welcome to my story! I must ask of one thing. If you like the story follow it. But please don't review =3 If it's negative THANKIES!

"_This never ending spiral called our intertwining lives. Continues on despite my best efforts. To stop the vicious cycle."_

Standing in the hall during school hours I watch you. You needlessly fuss over little things.

I want to smack you. Don't you notice that I'm skipping class just to watch over you.

You sent me a look of disgust and so I turned away. I'm going outside I really don't want to deal with him right now. I will never understand how he feels. Just like he's not going to understand me.

And once I being to explain my course of action I won't stop. And that much I know not until everything is finished. And honestly I'm not ready for that.

I sulk under the bleachers in the gym. Isn't this where happy couples make out during class?

Such a stupid and seemingly useless thing that will end up meaning a lot later on.

Is it because I'm a girl? Or is it because I know that I will never be able to experience something like that? Why won't I ever be able to?

Honestly stupid people and their pride. It's not to say I don't have a bunch either. It's just that if I would become most happiest without it. I would discard it without a second thought.

"So close yet far away." I frown and I feel someone approaching me.

"Hello Amber shouldn't you be in class." The last person I wanted to see ever Melody.

"Shut up leave me alone!" She sighed and sat down next to me. Don't people know when others would rather not be bothered. "Look I want to help you." "Get away from me." Her hand reached out and I grabbed hold of it and yanked her to the floor. She slid and I laughed in satisfaction. I hope she thinks she's cute now. Sporting that red bruise on her arm. She stood up and looked at me in shock.

"Y-you just threw me."

"Indeed I did is their a problem?"

Melody bowed her head and walked off rubbing her arm. And with that I sat down and resumed my ineffective sulking.

I know that being like this won't get me anywhere. But what am I supposed to do? Go to the top of the school and proclaim my issues to the world. Yeah I don't think so that would end up badly for many reasons.

I need to vent badly. Traveling the halls I see unsuspecting girls giggling talking about their crushes.

I almost want to shove it down their throats that they will never be loved back.

Love is not a fairytale. And there is no such thing as a prince. And what makes me the most upset is that some of them. They know the truth and refuse to accept it. I push my way into the little group they formed.

"Hello girls what are you talking about today."

The red head girl responds to my question kindly. "We can't and won't tell you Amber."

Foolish girls how long do they think I watched them before coming over? The second one replies way more rudely.

"Go away Amber. Mabey if you stop being queen bitch you would have some friends to talk to."

I grab her by the hair and shove her face into the locker. Who the hell does she think she's talking to?

Her friends backed away from me. And made a path straight down the middle. And along came my dear brother. "Amber stop it let go of that girl!" I let go of her and try to push my way past him. Solidly he grabs my wrist in a way that looks non threatening. However if you were me in that moment you would know just how rough he was. "I am sorry for my sisters actions, Could you please give us a moment?" He smiles that stupid way girls refer to as charming. And they all left on his command.

Stupid mindless drones. Then he turns to me and dead pans.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I'm getting rid of stress what does it look like?"

"You have to be kidding me?"

"As a matter of fact no I'm not. If stepping on people and closing the mouths of those who oppose me makes me feel better. Who are you to question that? Your a nobody Nathaniel get out of my face."

I read his facial expressions. This I love so much he's like an open book. Only to those he doesn't act for. It's anger, disappointment, and finally sadness. At the fact I called him a nobody. I took it in it's so fun to see him dejected. I smile then his face goes blank. I frown these are the times I do not like.

Once he shuts everything down at once. It's a giving he's going to turn violent. His hands grip on my wrist tighten. "Amber your starting to make me angry go to class."

"You assume I'll take orders from you? Let me go." I struggle to get away because I'm frightened. Yet I will never back down from him. "Yes you will take orders from me, And yes you will head to class. Cause if you don't I'm going to make you regret it."

"Go take your meds Nathaniel." I say back to him. Sure I may regret these word later. But you never get stronger if you back away each time. In an instant his hand moves from my wrist to my hair. And he pulls harshly my body colliding with his. His nails digging into my scalp without reserve. "Let me go!" He blinks and let's go of me. And walks away with that emotionless look plastered all over.

I rub my head. It's been a little while since he's pulled my hair like that.

Did I really make him that upset. I look to my hands and can see the blood smeared on them.

Nothing else I can do really. I don't wipe my hands off on my dress I head to the bathroom.

And wash them at the sink properly and brush my hair up into a ponytail. Wouldn't that be unsightly if someone saw that bruise in my head?

I look into the mirror and against everything else I smile.

"Hello Beautiful." I say this to myself not out of habit. But because I need too. If you don't love yourself nobody's going to do it for you? And that's most true with me living my life. I hate being alone in this dumb school. With the even dumber students. And that arrogant brainwashing brother.

But one day I will have someone on my side.

It's just a matter of finding the right person. Wiping my face free of irritating problems. Piled up on on top of another.

I take a good look at myself. Sometimes I forget that I'm only 13.

Exiting the bathroom with my eyes closed. I bumped straight into him again.

I just can't catch a break can I?

"Did you throw Melody down on the floor?"

"Does it really matter?" I quickly step on his foot and run to the front of the school. And out of the door I don't care where I end up. So as long as I'm not next to him. Into the streets I ran not looking back.

"Anywhere..Anywhere but near you."


	2. Mind Games

" _These mind games you play with others are tiring. Yet I suppose I can thank you. You showed me how to play them too."_

Eventually I ended up back home. Casually I walked into the house knowing our door wouldn't be locked. What I didn't expect to see was our father. He was sitting on the couch. Hunched over with his head in his hands. Still in his suit for work. It would appear as though both of us skipped out on our duties today. He looks up at me and places his hands in his lap folded professionally.

"Amber why are you home?"

"Nathaniel keeps on picking on me so I left." It was at this point that I put on my good girl. Dejected daughter face and paused dramatically. "I couldn't take it anymore." I started to sniffle for good effect.

"The whole school hates me and It's his fault!" I started to shake however this was no longer an act. Sometimes I lose the borderline between good acting. Not to get scolded and the cold hard truth that I'm experiencing. "Daddy can I stay home?" I look down at the elegant rug and sighed. Feeling that tears may very well start to come down soon. Dad crosses the room and comfortingly hugs me. I bury my head into his chest.

"No Amber I'm sorry you have to go to school." I shake my head harshly and pushed away from him.

And he grasped me around my waist. And pulls me closer. "Nooo daddy!" I whine and reach my hand up. Removing my hair holder. "Look what he did to me!" Dad takes his hands through my hair. And sees the place where Nathaniel dug his nails into my scalp. He frowned and kisses my head then releases me. "You stay home until your injury heals." At that moment I internally giggled. But on the outside I hugged dad one last time. Before heading towards the large spiral stair case.

About half way up dad looks at me seriously. "Nathaniel is going to pay for hurting you."

I smile on the inside and frown on the out. "That's good daddy but I don't think he's ever going to stop."

I trail the rest of the way to my room. Once inside the door shut and locked. I made a dive for my queen size bed. Taking the pillow I held it to my face trying to stifle the laughter.

"Oh god it's just too funny. I get a day off from school tomorrow. And Nathaniel gets punished.

Even though life is a bitch to me. Sometimes it's so good when I get what I want."

Smiles all around I throw my pillow to the other side of the bed. And take in a much needed breath of fresh air. "Life is good. Life is good." One day I hope Nathaniel burns in hell. And I have to make sure I'm the reason why he's there. My eyes dart across the room trying to find something to entertain myself. My eyes rest on a pink box. This wasn't in my room before I left?

I examine the box for all of two seconds. Before I become too curious and open it.

Inside was a lavish looking pink and blue cellphone. It surely was indeed expensive.

In solid gold on the cover my name was written on it. I trace my hand over it so pretty.

I'm going to thank dad for this later. Is that why he came home early to give me a gift?

Well hell I'm the happiest little girl in the whole world right now! I don't think there's a single thing that can stop this stride. Then I thought to myself about the gift given to me. This phone is for a normal privileged 13 year old girl. Privileged yes, 13 yes, Normal no. I have no friends what's a phone with nobody to talk to? But in the end I was right. Nothing can break this happy mood. I put the phone back in the box and went over to my laptop. And started typing away, I think I'll read some stories before I go down for a nap.

It's daylight the sun shines over all. The beautiful air surrounds me and smile.

Behind me I feel someone standing I turn around there isn't anyone there. I look around and see a bridge. I head towards it. It looks magnificent there's water underneath it. The water looks rather deep.

"_How does such a beautiful thing stay so empty?"_ I wonder cause I'm the only one here.

Out of the corner of my eye my last statement changes. There is someone here it's Nathaniel.

He looks up to me and for once he smiles. Naturally It makes me happy to see him like that.

"_Amber you can get a better look if you come down here."_ I know it isn't a statement he's telling me to come down. He's telling me to be near him. And of course there is the beautiful river too. I walk across the bridge and get over to a path. On the side of the bridge. It's a lot steeper from up here than it looks.

I sigh and back away he frowns at me. _"Amber come on come down here, Even if the water will be here forever I won't."_

"_I can't Nathaniel you know I'm scared of heights."_ I begin to fidget I really want to go down there but I can't. He walks over to me right under where I'm at. _"Just crawl down I won't let you fall."_

With that my mind begins to spin. He won't let me fall but that's just weird. He's pushed me down before. He's hurt me before yet now he tells me he won't let me be hurt.

I'm not taking that not at all. I take a step backwards. _"Amber I promise I won't let you fall."_ He promises me and I take a step forward. _"Big brother you better not let me fall,I'm trusting you!"_

He frowns for about 2 seconds any normal person wouldn't have noticed it. But I look at his face all day long. Well most of the day long and then he smiles. I guess he's happy for the title and the trust.

Slowly I began to climb down. All is going well until when I slip. I latch on to the ledge.

"_Ahhhh!"_

"_Amber just let go Iv'e got you! You won't fall!"_ My heart beats rapidly I can't stop it. Will I die if I fall from here? Of course if I break my neck! I don't know what to do? I shouldn't have come down here. I can feel my fingers slipping.

"_Amber let go I thought you trusted your older brother!" _

I here his voice call out to me. I have never put my life in his hands before. But now that I think about it. As the older sibling my life has been in his hands from the start. I sigh I close my eyes then I let go.

I could have cried tears of happiness. When I felt the soft impact of his arms wrap around me.

He didn't even fall and he didn't let me fall either. I tired to turn and look at him. I could practically feel the smile he was giving me. As he held me a good eight inches up off the ground. Then he put me down what I would've have given. To have him hold me like that a little while longer.

"_See your safe now stop worrying." "I'm not worried!" _I protest to loudly for it to have ever been mildly believed. He face palms at my out burst and grabs my hand. While walking closer to the river. I look at him. He seems happy content I wonder if were feeling the same thing right now.

If we are I would be probably be the most happiest,Than I have been in forever. I can't remember the last time he held my hand. Or promised me something. The last we have been in each other's presence.

The last we were truly at peace with each other. Instead of coming to a mutual agreement. To only see each other when needed.

We stopped at the river front. I mean we were seriously right on it. I have never been this close to a river ever. That water really is deep I can see fish and even some plants at the bottom. He sits down swinging his feet over the edge and looks up at me. Wearing that frown once again. _"Amber what's wrong your crying?" _I touch my face in shock. And then I giggle I must have really been truly happy.

"_It's nothing just happy that's all."_ I sit next to him and stare at the water. His feet they touch the water mine however do not. That's ok I don't really want to get wet.

It would be bad for the nail polish on my toes._ "Secrets."_ I turn my attention to him._ "What?"_

"_Secrets they are bad for you aren't they?"_ _"Well I don't know some things just can't be said I guess."_

Even now it hurts to say that. More than I could ever possibly say. His gaze stays locked with mine.

I feel uncomfortable more like I feel dirty. Trapped underneath his stare like that.

"_Amber whatever your secrets are tell me right now."_

"_I don't know I only have one..."_

"_Tell me I heard that telling another person is good they will help you cleanse them."_

"_I Nathaniel I can't I just can't."_ I want to be anywhere but here now. I can't think that he's been so kind to me. And he truly wants to help right now I shouldn't be wanting to run away. I should be wanting to run to him. And tell him the truth. He jumps down into the water. _"Nathaniel what are you doing?!"_

The water stops at his mid stomach. I flinch he's lucky he's tall.

"_I'm leaving because you won't tell me the truth." _I can't believe he's still persisting. I almost had a panic attack just now because I was worried about him! I..I don't want to tell him. But reckless things like that make me want to get it off my chest. One day I won't have him here. One day I won't be able to tell the truth to him. And it's better to regret something you did rather than something you didn't.

Mindlessly I jump down into the water. I can not stand I have to float over to him. I'm simply not tall enough. I fix my sight on him this is the hardest thing I have ever done. No amount of preparing could even scratch the surface of what's to come.

"_Nathaniel..my secret I'll tell you. But promise to listen to me."_ He stares into my eyes never once losing contact.

"_I love you."_

"_I know I love you too."_

"_No..It's not like that anymore."_

"_Are you saying you hate me?"_ His gaze travels to the side. Depressed and weary he has become. I can see it even from my angle.

"_No I'm in love with you."_ His eyes flash with all sorts of emotions. There was confusion,worry,heartache,anger,indifference then finally his face went blank. I back away quickly but one can only go so fast in the water. He follows me the entire time word less. His arms grasp my shoulders firmly. I hurts if I try and move them. _"I'm sorry!"_ I scream out to him I know it's wrong.

He pushes me underneath the water without warning. I choke and my hands move to attempt to remove his. Then he lets me float back up. I feel the tears flowing down my face. Along with his nails dug deeply into my shoulder. I back away while trying to catch my breath. _"What are you doing?!"_

He locks his eyes on to mine like I have never seen them before. "I'm cleansing you." He quickly closes the gap between us and pushes me under again. This time I held my breath but it's hard. He holds me under for what had to be 45 seconds. I rise up for air again tormented and gasping for breath.

"_Nathaniel stop! Big brother please!" "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'll forget about it! I won't feel that way anymore more!" _

"_I love you as my little sister so I'm only doing what's right for you."_ He grabs me gently this time and his eyes never meet mine. _"But there isn't enough cleansing in this world for that."_

"_I know I.." "Don't talk..I'm going to send you to the next one."_ I shake my head in confusion I don't understand. _"You can not be forgiven here. So I'll send you to the next world."_ It can't mean that he doesn't mean it. He won't kill me right? His hands tighten their grip once more. I move back and forth hastily. Trying to escape his hold.

"_No! No!" _

"_I love you Amber I'm doing the right thing hold still!" _

Forcing me down into the water my vision blurs. I'm just not that strong am I? I never was really.

This time I don't come up for air.

I shot up in my bed. Breathing coming in short breaths. I roll out of bed and look around. Cautiously I walk to the door. I can't be in here right now. I exit my bedroom into the hallway. Down the spiral staircase and head to the kitchen. I see my father on the couch but don't speak to him. It's good just to know I'm here with someone else and not dead. I heard him audibly sigh as I walk pass. He knows when I have been scared. He's a good father always has been to me. I pour myself some water however. I don't even get to drink from it. I stare it down it hurts to look at it. It reminds me of that nightmare.

Then as if things could not get any worse. He walks in the front door I sigh. And I do not pick up that water. Seeing his face pushed away any resolve I just had. If it was even there to begin with.

Dad's fury could be seen from over where I stand. Then I giggle and look at him with an all knowing smirk. I mouth the words to him. 'I told on you ha ha your in trouble.'

He stands in front of Nathaniel and looks down at him.

"So you like pulling your sisters hair still?"

"I didn't do it just to do it this time."

"I'm listening Nathaniel and you better make it quick, Cause as always my patience is running thin with you." I see him roll his eyes then shoots me a dirty glare but I could care less. Then he smirks at me like he has a plan. Oh brother this is child's play for me anything you have against me. Will not work want to know why? Cause while you can control the school. I can control dad me one you zero.

"I only did it because she started hurting innocent people, And that was all only because she was in a bad mood."

"Nathaniel those are people did you even stop to think they may be lying to gain your favor?"

"Dad I saw her slamming someone into the locker."

"Daddy he's lying! He's always lying! He just wants me to get in trouble and I didn't do anything!"

I sniffle loudly here come the water works again sike. These aren't real tears they are just for show.

I see him abruptly make his way past dad. Who was staring at the floor lost in thought. He's heading straight for me angry.

"Your the one who's lying!" "You can tell on me but do you ever tell dad what you do!?"

By now he's right up over top of me and I can feel him wanting to hit me. I back away I really don't want to be exposed to this right now!

I throw that useless glass of water in his face. And he attacks me grabbing me by my neck and pushing me into the counter top.

"What the hell do you think your doing!?" Before he can cause any further damage dad grips him up. And drags him off into the basement. I can hear him putting up a fight all the way down stairs. I walk over and close the door. With a sharp click I walk away. Whatever happens to him he deserves it!

I place my hand on my neck. That's going to bruise later. That means more free time out for me.

It's a small price to pay after all. I'm sure he's going to be in much worse pain than me. Smiling I return to my bed room. Giggle and lay down relaxing. "Tomorrow I will make some friends!" I roll over in bed. And casually go back to reading my stories.


	3. To Have An Old Life With A New Friend

"_It's hard to make friends with a broken life. That is why people choose to start anew with someone who doesn't know you."_

After last night events the second time around. I actually managed to get some sleep.

Well after I exhausted myself by reading. But I had plenty of time to sleep later.

So I don't see why I should care. My mind wanders back to last night though and seriously. "What the hell type of dream was that yesterday!? I will never love Nathaniel like that ever!" Rolling out of bed I went to get ready. Automatically bathing and dressing like a machine with epic style. I head downstairs it's rather quiet. Then I notice why everyone is gone. I'm all alone somehow just by thinking that it gives me a bad feeling.

Dad could have at least told me good bye. Even if I was going to be cranky It would have been nice to hear him say it. My gaze wanders around the room. You never know just how big this place is. Until your here alone it's nerve wrecking seriously. Hey what's that on the table? I pick up a card left on the table. 'This should hold you until I get home. Sorry I had to leave without saying goodbye.'

I glance back to the table and sigh "Seriously dad stop doing this." He left me 300.00 dollars behind.

"Why is it only just me he leave these things for?" Honestly I know the reason why I don't want to think about it right now. It would only drag me into feeling intense regret. And that's not what this day is about now is it. I place the money in my purse and skip out the front door.

Now that I'm outside I notice something. Where am I supposed to meet friends? Anybody else makes friends from going to school. I sigh yeah that's obviously not going to happen. I had to get a free day from school just to plan this. I guess the chances for me making friends outside of school is pretty low.

No I can't start thinking like that. I walk into the ice cream shop. This might be a good place to meet people. After all it's still pretty early 10 am to be precise. Mabey somebody will be on their way to school late. Sitting down at the corner booth in the back of the store. I head desk I was wrong nothing here but adults staring at me. Like they all want to ask why I'm not in school? Quiet frankly I want one of them to ask me that way I can tell all of them. To shut the hell up and mind their business. I'm on my day off. I trail to the counter with my head held high in the air. Cause even though I look out of place.

I'm not going to let it get to me I love myself too much for that. Plus I'm to beautiful to be sulking all over the place. Like some kind of loser that gets no respect.

"I want a large Coffee ice cream cone."

The man behind the counter smiles at me and I hand him the 100.00 dollar bill. At that he looks shocked. "Don't you have anything smaller." I shoot him my innocent look when I want to get something from a stranger. It's not the same one I use with my dad. They all have different effects on people. "No I don't have anything else." "It really is a pain to break a 100.00 but your a cute girl I could do it for you." I perk up slightly then turn my head to the side. Wow this guy thinks I'm cute. That's actually a little weird it makes me uncomfortable. "Thank you for doing so." "No problem your welcome." He hands me the Ice cream cone along with the change. I carelessly throw into my purse.

I don't really like counting the change. It's not like it matters anyway I'll just have more money later.

I wave and make my way to the door. Before I close the door behind me I notice that man. Still staring at me despite the person who was behind me. Being an older woman with a much bigger bust than me.

Eating my ice cream I look down at my dress. "Seriously why the hell am I so flat?" "I'm 13 grow in already." Great now I'm irritated again I lick the ice cream. And proceed to get a brain freeze. That's it I throw the whole thing in the trash. And continue my walk who knew finding friends would be this hard? Out the corner of my eye I see two girls. Hey they go to my school as I get closer I realize these are the same ones I had the hallway altercation with. They won't be expecting to see me here will they?

"Hey why are you skipping school?!" I gained their attention successfully only to be met with frowns.

And the blonde rubbing the side of her bruised face. "Ha Ha looks like that won't get cleared up anytime soon!" "Shut up Amber!" She still has the nerve to talk to me like that? It's a bit funny actually I know she's scared. I can do damage that bad in school. Does she really want to find out what I can do outside? "Shut up locker face unless you want to become Concrete face?" The red head holds her friend who flinched away from me at that comment.

"Just cut it out Amber we aren't skipping were on a school trip!"

"Oh really I didn't know?" "Your not in the same grade as us of course you didn't know."

"Your the one that's skipping why aren't you in school? Your brother suspend you or something?"

"Ha please I'm on my day off!" At that I flicked my hair over my shoulder with a sense of accomplishment and start to walk away. Before I can get out of hearing range the blonde speaks again.

Although under her breath I hear the words. "She's lucky she isn't in the same grade as us, Nobody would partner with her anyway." I continue walking at my started pace. But all the while I want to speed up. But I can't let them know I heard now can I? What's with these people acting all self important? Stating the obvious as if they are better than me! I know I have no friends I'm fully aware of that. But it won't be that way for long. That's why I'm going to make a friend! I swear I won't go home until I do. I don't care if I'm out past curfew today.

As I let that though sink in with finality. I let my eyes open to reality. I had been walking with my eyes closed in a rage for quite some time. I stop and look into my bag searching for my phone. Through all of that stupid change. I should have put it in a different compartment. I flip the phone open it's 12 noon. And..and I don't know where I am. As I start to look around and take in my surroundings.

Just then I hear a creak and turn around. Faced with the Ice cream man from the shop earlier.

Only this time he's holding a knife. And I'm backing away slowly then I broke into a sprint.

He's chasing me down why... why..why did I have to come this way!? I ran straight into a dead end alley way. He corners me and I shake slightly. "Hi.." I managed to get out before he looks me in the eye. With something that could only be taken as loss of sanity. "What's in the bag? How much I don't care give it too me!" The man thrust the knife forward towards me. And I shrink back I can't possibly go any further back than I am now right? My vision starts to get blurry no this is not the time!

I can't faint here I'll die he'll kill me! Why am I cursed like this? "Help me..." My eye sight fails me it no longer works. But my hearing is just fine. I can hear him walking forward and going through my bag. Hurry up Hurry up take the money and leave.

"You really are cute though I don't think someone of your stature should live." I hear his slight movement. Oh god he really is going to kill me. Why? Because he thinks I'm cute? What's wrong with him? Please move body move, Or wake up and please tell me this is another one of those bad dreams! I don't want to be here right now! Do something anything please! I hear crashing in the distance along with swearing and finally a large thud. I hear foot steps walk towards me these can't possibly belong to that man can they? They are lighter than the ones I heard before.

"First I save you from your brother, Now I save you from a stranger. Isn't this your brother's job?"

I know that voice I open my eyes slightly. And see the black hair that could only belong to him.

"Thank you Castiel." I shake my head and readjust my vision. His hand it's being held out in front of me. I stare at it in shock. What does he want me to do with this?

"Come on I'm not going to stay like this all day brainless girl!" Then I noticed it after the fact. I'm on the ground I quickly grab his hand and get back on to my feet. Blushing at the contact hopefully he doesn't see that. And luckily he didn't he walked back over to the mans body. And took the knife out of his hand. "Is he dead?" I ask quietly then he turns to me looking more than a little pissed off. "Do I look like a murder to you?!" I shake my head no and close my eyes. I can't believe I just said something so stupid to him. His hand grabs my wrist and places the knife in it.

"Your a girl you shouldn't walk around alone, At the very least have protection and stay off this side of town." Opening my eyes I look at him his face still look upset about what I just said. But there is a smirk on his lips. So confusing I really hate that about him. If your going to have an emotional outburst at least stick to feeling just one thing! I place the knife in my bag and notice all my money is still there.

Confusion scattered on my face I point to my purse and stare at him.

"Yes I put your money back in your bag, Why you didn't feel it I don't know." He pretty much drags me out of the alley way. And back to the other side of town I'm familiar with. He didn't wave he didn't say good bye he just left. And I stood and watched him leave. With my face flushed and my heart racing. I place my hand over my chest and begin walking down main street. Why when I'm with him I feel this adrenaline rush like no other? Happily I walk and look into the store windows. Somehow I don't feel scared or anxious even though all that just happened to me. Being near him has always had a way of making me feel safe. And I don't even know him completely. I guess this is just one of those things that happens in life. I stop outside of my favorite shoe store. This money is supposed to be for food and necessities. Screw it I need a new pair of shoes! I walk inside from a distance I spot the perfect pair. I begin to giggle with glee. Mine all mine I make my way to the center of the store. Reach down and grab one of them and fall over? "Oww watch where the hell your going!"

I look up and see a girl not to far from me with the other shoe in her hand.

"Yeah yeah whatever give back my damn shoe!" I say this to her and she isn't happy.

"Excuse me whoever you are but that shoe you have belongs to me!"

"No it doesn't I saw it first! And for the record my name is Amber. If you didn't know now you do like everyone else!"

"And my name is Capucine and your crazy I was in this store first!"

"I don't care if you were in this store all day or if you own the damn thing!"

"I was here first they are mine!"

"I saw them first they are mine!" I stared at this girl with a look of utter annoyance. And she gave me one in the same. This girl apparently can give as good as she can get. Then she smirked at me.

"I look better in them!" This is the moment where if I had water in my hand I would throw it in her face. Sadly I don't have any. So instead I'll laugh at her.

"Ha Ha Ha Ha have you lost your mind I look way better in anything you do!"

She made this face that was just priceless and it says I crossed her line.

"What the hell makes you so sure of your self!"

"I'm slender and my body has a figure that nobody could ever beat!" She rolls her eyes at me.

"Your seeing things you have the face of a child and your flat chested!" I flick my hair at her.

"Well at least I don't still have baby fat on me!"

"You take that back!"

"Never!" It was at this point we started playing tug of war on the shoe the other had. And I was winning yay I'm stronger than somebody! I yank the shoe from her grasp and then I hit a clothing rack. The whole thing fell over and both of us exchanged guilty looks. While the people around us gasped and the store manager came towards us looking far beyond angry.

"What is going on here!?" In perfect unison we both answered. "She stole my shoe!" And pointed fingers at one another. At this the manager sighed. "Ok who has the shoes now?" "I do!" I shout happily and then quieted down. "Ok they are yours then." I skip to the front counter and she follows behind me. Hee hee taste the defeat you have suffered. I hand him the shoes and he rings them up.

Yes defeat you have suffered at the hands of me. The one and only Amber I look at her and smile.

She shoots me a glare to which I only smile more to. "Your total is 300.00." My smile drops and I sigh I should have known this would happen. I'm short five dollars why do bad things always happen to me? Why is life so unfair. That girl looks at me and smiles. "You can't buy them can you?"

Grumbling I turned my head away from her. "No I'm short five dollars." She grabs my hand and places five dollars in my hand. I stare at her not knowing what to say.

"Don't assume this comes without a price. Let me wear them one time and I'll leave you alone."

"I'm only giving you the money cause you took them from me fair and square." I hand the money to the manager who shakes his head. "Ok deal then." "Children these days aren't you even going to say thank you?" "Nope I'm not I'll thank you by letting you wear them." I start walking towards the door and exit her still right behind me.

"Your so immature."

"And I'll have you know these lips only thank those who I am extremely grateful to." It's the truth I don't like to say thank you. Not even to my parents I always go mabey later. Well since I'm on the topic of things I don't like to say I might as well say this to.

"These lips apologize to nobody as well." I point out to her so that she doesn't get the wrong Idea.

"Like I said your immature." She pulls out her cellphone. It's rather cute it's blue and it has her name written on the cover in silver. She texts someone quickly. I take this chance to check her out.

She's wearing a plaid dress with pink heels and a shaw thrown over her shoulders. Her bang in the front of her hair is dyed a light pink, And it rest in front of a diamond tiara. She doesn't dress half bad actually she's good.

"I like your clothes."

"Oh really I think your dress is better than mine. So when I saw you heading towards the shoes I wanted too I decided to give you a hard time. All the while thinking to myself there can't be a person in this world who dresses better than me."

"Well now you know I exist." I'm teasing her by this point. And her face is red and she kicks me.

"Shut it!"

"How dare you kick me!"

"Why aren't you in school today?" "I could ask the same thing to you!" I retort slightly rubbing the kick mark. We look at each other dully tired of being asked the question and answer the question.

"I had a day off." If she answers the same as me one more time. I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight.

"What school do you go to anyway?"

"Amour Sucré Middle School."

"That a bummer I go to Academy"

A limo pulls up and she grabs my arm and drags me inside with her. I look around the inside is suede blue. Pretty cool color it fits her. "Am I being Kidnapped?" "No I'm taking you home."

"How do you know where I live? Are you a stalker?"

"No my god you don't pay attention to your surroundings do you?" I sit quietly and wait for an explanation.

"Take a good look at the person driving this limo." I look and notices this mans face. He is my father's boss. "That person is your fathers boss and my dad. He knows where you live not me."

I never knew part of me is telling due to all the incidents today. I should start to pay more attention to the world. I am not a sheltered child never was. I should be more aware of my surroundings. For a second I began to feel dumb. I'm totally going back to school tomorrow. We pull up in front of my house. And her eyes light up. "It's nice looking and it's big."

"Yeah I like it although I wish it was smaller."

"Really I feel the same way about my place." She frowns and furrows her eyebrows. I open the side door and exit the car. "Amber." She calls out to me before I close the door. I look back at her still wearing that expression of melancholy. "Would you like to be friends?" I get back in the car and tackle hug her on to the seat. "Yes! Yes! Yes! I would love to be friends!" She smiles brightly at me. That's much better for her to look that way instead.

"Really well then give me your number!" I pull out my phone and search through it to find my number.

"I like your phone it looks like mine!"

"Oh please mine is better!" I giggle and she pushes me off her and we exchange numbers. I wave as her car pulls away. And turn around to my door to see my dad standing there. I smile and walk right pass him pulling out my phone. To text my new best friend. I head upstairs and do my signature dive to the bed in a good mood.

_'Hey Amber I have great news my dad just told me!'_

_'Yeah what is it!'_

_'Tomorrow I will be starting at your school I asked my dad to transfer me he said yes!'_

_'THAT'S GREAT LOOK I'LL TEXT YOU IN THE MORNING!'_

_'YES I'LL COME PICK YOU UP!'_

I close my phone happily. I really am having one of my best days ever. I look towards the door of my bedroom.

"Amber come downstairs for dinner!"

"Ok be right there!" Placing my phone on the bed and skip out the door.


	4. Avoidance Cures Nothing

"_The longer you avoid something and don't seek help the worse it gets."_

My eyes open and sun flies in through the window. Unlike normal people I like it when the sun hits my eyes. It wakes me up and it's beautiful. I get to go to school and see my friend today. It looks like this day is shaping out good right from the start. I wonder what's for breakfast this morning. I really want ice cream for breakfast. And what should I wear? I lay in bed and think about this some more.

I can't think about the things in my closet unless I look at them. My eyes drift across the room. To my closet wait that isn't my closet. I look around the room I'm in it's painted. Light yellow with clouds on the ceiling. The nightstand next to me is blue and gold. Why do I have a bad feeling about this? I turn over in bed. And fight the urge to scream because I was right. Nathaniel is laying in bed next to me.

What's worse is that he is shirtless._ "Where is your shirt!?" "Shouldn't you say good morning first?"_He retorts to me not even looking slightly bothered.

"_No stop with the games why am I in your room?" "You should calm down." "Why are you half dressed!" "I'm not half dressed and neither are you."_

Only at this point did I stop to look at myself. I wasn't wear a shirt either I think I might die.

And if this isn't half dressed then..I don't want to look under the blanket.

"_Why do you look like that?"_

"_Nathaniel that's a stupid question. I'm naked in bed next to my brother."_ I don't even want to scream anymore. I can't nothing can take away this state of shock I'm in.

"_I must say I'm sad your reacting like this. When your the one who asked me to take your virginity."_

Well I guess I was wrong that was enough to make me mad once again. Not only that but confused.

"_I never asked you that! I wouldn't ask you something like that your crazy!"_

"_I'm not insane Amber as your older brother it's my job to give you what you want." _I start zoning out I hear the words he says. And try to think hard and see if there is any truth behind them.

"_Never have I ever done this so I figured this one time I should do things correctly."_ As he says this my heart is starting to beat out of control. He picks the wrong time to act like a brother. If what he says I did is true. Then it would have been much better for him to push me away. He waves his hand in front of my face. _"Hello Amber are you listening?"_ I stare at him confused and upset. And he wraps me in a hug. I can feel the heat of our bodies being pressed together. I don't like this mabey this is all just a joke. In any case I don't know what to believe anymore. _"Did we really have sex?"_ He leans forward and smiles innocently and happily. I almost want to smile back. _"Yes did you like it?" _I pull out of my thoughts. _"I don't even remember doing it." _

At that instead of being disappointed his gaze on me turned from loving to lustful.

"_It's ok if you don't remember we can just do it again. Over and over until your body doesn't feel complete without mine beside it." _He starts to move to position himself on top of me. That's it this is a joke ha ha ha ha I can't take it anymore. I push him off of me and jump out of the bed. Only to be in terrible pain and to come crashing down on the floor. _"I know that your scared but you shouldn't run."_

I don't even look at him cause right now the only thing I can concentrate on. Is this white and red mixture flowing down my legs. And the sheets that I dragged from the bed. Being stained with it as well. After I'm done letting reality and the sin set in. Only then do I let my eyes focus back on him.

He does a face palm and offers his hand to me. _"Come on get back in bed and let me make love to you." _This might not change anything but I'll do it anyway. I take a deep breath and look him in the eyes. _"NEVER!"_ The room around me started to shatter and everything turned to broken glass.

I fell off my bed and landed face first on to the floor. Attempting to take even breaths but it just wasn't working. My stomach hurts I drag myself off the floor and stand. I feel the urge to vomit rising and quickly I run out of my room. On the way down the hall I passed that cursed room from my dreams.

And run into the bathroom and lean over the waste basket. Crouched down on the floor not to far from the door way. I feel my hair tighten away from my face. And begin heaving up what ever I ate yesterday. For several minutes non stop. When I was finally done I went and brushed my teeth.

And when I turned around he was behind me. Worried expression plastered all over his face.

Why is it you? It's always you! It's not fair to me! "Amber what's wrong?"

I break down crying quickly leave the bathroom and lock myself in my room.

Tiredly I reach across the bed to my cellphone. And text Capucine I have to tell her.

_'Sorry sadly I won't be coming to school today.'_

_'Wait why not what's wrong?!'_

_'I'm sorry calm down don't worry about me I got sick overnight it seems.'_

_'Ok I hope you get better :( I guess I just have to stick it out by myself today.'_

_'Don't worry school won't be bad for you.'_

_'Your right it won't be. I will get a chance to find out who you are to other people.'_

_'Good luck then you won't like it.'_

_' Wait why not? Nevermind I can find out on my own Bye Amber.'_

_'Good Bye.'_ I click my phone shut and turn it off. I don't think I will be using that today.

How long...How long am I going to keep having these nightmares. They are different every night.

But none of them are any less frightening then the next. Who's idea of a joke is it to keep putting me.

In compromising situations with Nathaniel. Seriously it's not funny it's disgusting. I roll over and put my head into me pillow. Just then I hear the door open. My dad walks in the room

"Honey you stay home from school today."

"Ok I understand I really wanted to go today though." He walks over and places a hand on my forehead. "No sweetie sorry your burning up can't let you leave." I sigh and breath in relaxed while he pats my hair. "I can't leave you alone today either Nathaniel is staying home to watch you."

At this my body tenses and I frown. "You don't have to do that I'll be fine on my own."

"No what if you pass out or something else I can't take that chance."

"I'm 13 you can trust me to call 911 you know." "He's 14 and he's healthy he's watching you."

"Damn it." I slam my head into the pillow. Dad rises up off the bed and makes his way to the door.

"Get well soon ok I'm going to work now." I don't look up I merely nod my head. And begin to dose off being sick really does make you tired.

I awoke to a warm rag on my head. And my brother sitting on my bed next to me. Looking just as tired as I feel. "Please don't tell me you have to vomit, I forgot the waste basket."

"No not this time your lucky." He rolls his eyes and brushes the hair out of my face.

"How the hell did you get sick over night?" I don't know how does that work like really? You have a awful dream and then crap you wake up sick!

"I don't know if I did know I would have stopped it." He has no idea what I would give to stop these nightmares. "Well sometimes things like this are beyond our control." He looks more than a little irritated and that was at his own statement. Talk about knowing when something is real.

"You don't want to be here do you? You'd rather be in school wouldn't you?" He looks down at me shocked. Ahh so did I hit the nail on the head? I frown he doesn't want to take care of me.

"As much as I act like an ass you still mean more to me than almost everything." I can't make a facial expression I try to figure out what to feel. And all the emotions evade me. Leaving me temporary speechless. "Umm well I guess what I'm trying to say is.. Nevermind forget it." He walks to the door.

"Is there anything you want to eat?" I take my chances and smile. "Ice cream please."

"Well you can't have sweets for breakfast..."

"Come on Nathaniel please I'm sick and I'm cute can't you bend the rules just this once." I pout and he caves in. "Ok but don't tell dad I gave it to you." "Yay!" He shakes his head and walks out the door.

I guess today could still be pretty fun. It's not so bad I get Ice Cream for breakfast. I smile and make myself comfortable in my bed. Propping up my pillow so I can sit up straight. He's being awfully nice to me. We haven't even fought today it's peaceful I like it this way. So I don't understand what is it that makes me always fight with him. Oh that's right he started it. And I have been spending Idle time trying to get back at him for hurting me. In the end it kinda seems like a waste of time. But that's what revenge does to you. I shrug my shoulders and Nathaniel came back in the room. With a rather large bowl of ice cream. "Why the giant bowl?" "I know you eat a lot." "Are you calling me fat?" He shakes his head no and I giggle. Quickly taking the spoon and eating. He's watching me it's a little weird.

"Hey wait a minute!" He jumps back off the bed and I jump a little at my own voice. I scared the both of us. "Your going to blackmail me later aren't you?" "What are you talking about?"

"Your going to get me to eat all this and then you'll tell on me!" "No I won't Amber your-" He doesn't get to finish his sentence. Because I shove a spoon full of ice cream in his mouth.

"Ha guilty by association now you can't tell on me!" "I was already guilty I'm the one who gave it too you?" "Oh yeah I didn't think about that..But you could have easily told dad otherwise."

"No I couldn't have." "Your not very convincing." "Amber you can't reach the freezer."

I blush in my stupidity and put the now empty bowl on the nightstand. "And even so I could have stood on a chair." "There's no way you would ever put your feet on a leather chair." We both exchanged smiles and layed back on the bed and started laughing. Cause it's true I can't disrespect expensive things that dad buys. And I don't like the way leather feels. When we finally calm down I notice we are both face to face laying on our sides.

"When did you learn so much about me?"

"I always knew these things about you." That can't be true he ignores me with every fiber of his being.

"Really prove it cause I refuse to believe it!" He face palms and smacks me in the back of my head.

"Ow what the hell!" I look at him angrily and he opens his mouth to speak so I let it slide.

"You 13 4'5 unsatisfied with your height. Frequently complain about your breast not growing in.

You hate green vegetables and mashed potatoes. You won't wear leather ever. You will instead wear sweatpants in the fall and in the winter. You always leave one third of your dinner left over on your plate. Since the time you were 5 you never ate all your dinner completely. You only paint your nails 4 different colors. Pink,Blue,Red and a clear coat. You wash your hands three times after you go to the bathroom." He exhales and stares at me and I have my shocked face on.

"Is that good enough proof for you?" Slowly I slide away from him and keep my dark aura flaring out.

I grab a pillow and one good time smack him with it. And he flies off the bed. "What the hell!"

"HOW DID YOU KNOW THE LAST ONE!" "I just know these things!" I continue to onslaught him with pillows. Until I had none left and then he crawled on the bed next to me. I turned my back to him.

"Pervert watching me in the bathroom." I mumble under my breath. "Never and I never will."

He places his arms around my waist. "Why did you cry when you saw me earlier?"

I could tell him about the dream. But I don't think that would help anything ever.

"I was just in pain is all. I didn't mean to make you worry about me." I know that lie sounded obvious but I'm just to tired to make up another. He probably sees right through it. Judging by the things he just told me about myself. "Really just in pain that's all." I can hear him release the breath he had been holding in. "Well ok I believe you." "If you don't just say so." I pout and roll my eyes even though I know he can't see it. "Ok then I don't believe you." Earlier he was about to tell me something.

I think I know what it was. But he cut himself off in favor of getting me Ice cream.

"Hey Nathaniel do you love me?" I asked but I asked a bit too late. Cause as soon as the words left my mouth. I went to sleep promptly afterwards. I wish I knew what the answer was.

6 hours later I woke up to the smell of food downstairs and a empty room. Are they eating dinner without me? Nathaniel walks in my room. "Finally your up come on let's go eat." I attempt to get out of bed but I end up laying back down. "Oh come on seriously Amber don't be so lazy." He walks over to the bed and lifts me up princess style. "You don't have to do that."

"Yes I do I'm hungry and dad wouldn't let us eat without you." "Well who's fault is It I'm sick." I turn my head away from him. "Don't make me drop you." "You wouldn't dare!" We get downstairs and he does drop me. Right in the seat of my chair. "Stupid jerk face!" "It's your own fault!" He sits across from me. And even though we bicker like this dad doesn't pay it any mind. I guess he can tell we had a rather eventful day. It wasn't half bad either. He looks up from his dinner plate and smiles.

I finished eating my two thirds of a dinner and put the plate in the sink. All of us do the same. And then sit on the couch. Normally we don't watch television together. So this felt more like a warm family sort of thing. I was uncomfortable looking at Nathaniel's face I know he was uncomfortable. And dad well he just looked confused. And got up and left the room going back into the kitchen.

"Who ate all the ice cream?" I stare at Nathaniel and he stares at me. "Make a break for it?" I say under my breath. "That just makes us look guilty." Dad walks out the kitchen. "This looks like it's been empty for quite some time. I don't know since about this morning?" He looks at both of us incredulously we maintain our poker faces. He sighs and walks into the kitchen. "I did not teach you both to lie so well."

He returns with slices of cake for both of us. "Try sticking to the rules when I'm not here Nathaniel." He almost chokes off his cake I giggle and take a bite of mine. "Don't use your charm against him." Now it's my turn to almost choke. We both stare at him mildly pissed off.

"How do you know these things?" We both asked him and I wanted to kick him. But I restrained myself. We let the television distract us for about an hour or so before he answers us. "I just know these things. You should both head to bed it's getting late." I couldn't help but notice after I finished the cake. I didn't feel quite as sick as before. That's a good thing. We trail our way upstairs. I loathe walking in the spiral stair case and I'm not alone.

"Nathaniel walk faster your ass is in my face!"

"What stop looking at it!?"

"I can't help it I have high self esteem I look up when I walk!"

"More like your extremely arrogant!"

"That may be so but hurry up!"

We finally reach the top and head our separate ways into our bedrooms. I do my happy dive to my bed and roll off the other side. And land in front of my dresser. "What to wear to bed?" Nevermind that for the moment I haven't got a chance to take a bath today. I pick up a random white nightgown and head into the bathroom down the hall. These Nightmares I hope I don't have one tonight. It would be nice If I could have a peaceful nights rest. And not wake up feeling weirded out or sick. Further more I would like to know what the hell is causing them! I don't find anything connected to the me within that dream.

I'm not the least bit concerned about sex. Actually the thought of it frightens me a little.

I don't think I'm the type of person who will do something morally incorrect. And punishable by god and society. I do love my brother sometimes that much has been proven to me today. And every other time we have a nice day. But never has it been like what the dream version of myself has been insinuating. Mabey that's it yeah I got it. My brain is telling me to fix my relationship with my brother.

If we stop fighting and get closer I'll stop having these nightmares. And we won't get that close ever the dream is presenting where to draw the line at. I jump out the shower and get dressed.

"Who's smart I'm smart yay!" Question is where do I begin with something like that? Well looks like I'm not so smart after all. I frown and walk up the hall. I stop outside of his bedroom. Well they always say start small right? "Hey Nathaniel can I sleep in bed with you." I say opening his door only to find him completely naked getting dressed for bed. I slam the door quickly and retreat! But not before I hear him screaming down the hall. "Learn to knock on doors stupid!"

Well that worked out well. I begin to fake cry dramatically. Why must a be a little less smart everyday! I blush and stick my head into my pillow. Yeah that's it I'm going to bed for the night. And so help me god I better get some sleep and not have that stuck in my head. I can't wait to go to school tomorrow.

I'm getting stir crazy and very lazy. Seeing as though I'm already yawning I shut my eyes.


	5. The Rain Outside Can Become Everlasting

"_Rain reflects the sorrow inside of people's souls. Not just me but everyone in this world."_

I wake up this morning to pounding rain on my window. That alone is enough to put me in a bad mood.

I hate the rain I always have. I can't remember why I started hating it. It's not important now though.

"Well look on the bright side You didn't have a nightmare last night." Then I guess that means what I said was right. If I fix things I will sleep peacefully. But there's only so far I can go. Don't forget a relationship is 50/50 He should try to fix things between us too. And since he is older he should make the first move. I crawl out of bed damn this weather sucks. I got dressed in a White dress. With black tights and silver flats. Can't wear heels today in this weather. I threw on a pink shaw just for show. Capucine will probably like this one. I put my hair up in a ponytail with a yellow ribbon. And make my way to the room door.

I swing open my door and hear a thud.

"Damn it Amber watch your door!" "I'm Sorry." I must have hit him in the face with the door oops.

"Never mind I don't care you don't listen to me anyways.!" What's his issue why is he screaming at me?

"What the hell is wrong with you I only apologized to you!"

"Like I said I don't care if your sorry or not, Do yourself a favor stay away from me!"

"What I didn't even do anything! Fine fuck it!" I quickly run downstairs grab my umbrella and leave the house. It would have been nice If I had gotten some breakfast first. But I didn't want to see his face any longer than needed.

Once I got to the school I opened the door to see Capucine. Standing center in the hall way talking to Melody. I close my umbrella and quickly walk over to Capucine. What does this girl think she's doing?

I look at Melody with the most pure expression of hatred. "Good morning Amber can you stop looking at me like that?" "No I will not stop although you should be grateful, Someone as beautiful as me looks at someone as ugly as you." She rolls her eyes "Why are you so rude in the morning?"

"The same reason your so ugly every day I see you, I was born this way."  
I grab Capucine by the hand and walk to the other end of the hall. "What do you think your doing?"

"Woah that was mean she looks pretty harmless." She giggles at the end of her sentence then deadpans.

"Why do you dislike her so much?" "We don't get along never did."

"Oh is that so I asked Melody about you." I look at her a tiny bit annoyed but curious.

"What did she say?" I really want to know I honestly think she's the type to talk behind my back.

"She said that your an unstable child and she feels bad for you. And I should stay away from you."

I punch the locker beside me and it flies open. "That bitch that's it don't talk to the enemy anymore!"

"Enemy that's a bit much I just met her, And she hasn't done anything to me. She's your enemy not mine." "Who's friend are you mine or hers!?" I start to shake in anger some people just won't stop until they take everything from a person.

"Amber I am your friend and only yours always. Everything I do in this school will only benefit you"

"How's being friends with the person I hate the most in this world helping me?" She smiled at me and hugged me. "Follow my hands darling." I look at them in sign language she spells out that she's going to spy for me. I smile at her then glomp her. That the best thing I have heard all day.

"I am really happy to have you for a friend." She looks at me with a smirk that says she's up to no good. "If that's really so then give me your shaw." I want to let my mouth hang open but I don't.

That's not cute at all. This little girl I take the shaw off and hand it too her. Along with my umbrella.

I'm going to be cold later on. "You can borrow it you may not keep it."

I walk her to the doors of our classroom. And I just simply let her in and I walk away.

"Where are you going? Aren't you coming to class?" I shake my head no.

"I really need to cool off a bit before I come in the class room. So I'll see you later."

"Alright then stay warm." I look at her and she laughs and closes the door. I start off on my way down the hall. Really she is a brat if I have ever seen one. At least I'm not like that. I just have a princess complex. Passing by the doors I see one that is open. Letting my thoughts drag me away I look inside. At this point I'm really wishing I hadn't. I see Melody talking to Nathaniel my stomach hurts. I see him hug her. I want to leave now but my feet won't move. They kiss and my eyes leave and make their way to the floor but off the reflection of the floor. I see they are holding hands. I feel the anger burning inside me at an alarming rate. I take off down the hallway and keep running. They were close too close. They are dating he never told me anything. She really does want to take everything away from me!

When I relaxed and opened my eyes again. I noticed I was outside the rain hitting my skin. Harshly but at this point I don't really care. I left my umbrella inside the school didn't I? I sigh would have been nice if I had remembered to bring it. I make my way over to a tree. And sit down underneath it.

Mabey the rain will calm my temper down. Before I do something impulsive that I can't take back.

"Get your own tree this one is mine!" Then I noticed I wasn't alone Castiel is sitting behind this tree.

"Suck it up or you move I'm not moving!" I do not care what he has to say to me after that. Cause I'm just not in the mood for hearing someone complain. He turned around from his side of the tree. About ready to scream his head off at me but he stops. It would appear as though he read my facial expressions. He deeply sighed and shook his head "You look awfully pissed off What the hell is wrong now?" "Did you know Nathaniel had a girlfriend?" "I don't know a damn thing about him!"

"I didn't think you did but that's the reason why I'm upset."

"Well it's not like you two are close siblings, He doesn't have to tell you anything." He's right we aren't close not at all. He's only there for me when I'm hurt if he's not the person who hurt me. He only does things for me if dad tells him to. Or if the guilt in his heart gets to be too much for him to handle. It's the truth we aren't close. I turn away from Castiel and let my entire body rest against the tree. White dress or not I stopped caring. "Well I still don't like the bitch!"

"Swearing now are you? I didn't think you had it in you. Why don't you like her?"

"I'd really rather not talk about it and I swear like a sailor sometimes."

"Really that makes two of us then." After that we stayed in each others presence being quiet. Sometimes I hate the silence it just makes me think against my will.

Thinking back on it now I have the clearest memory on why I hate Melody.

It was back in elementary school I couldn't have been any older than six. The day was normal I was wandering the halls after being put out of class again. I happened to pass the teachers lounge. I peeked in the door. There was about 3 of them in there. Are the having a meeting? But it's not even lunch time yet. Why would they do something like this so early. My teacher the one that just got rid of me stands up after getting coffee. _"Ok these two students what are we going to do about them?"_

"_Which two students?"_ One teacher says with a mustache I kinda wanna laugh at it.

"_Nathaniel and Amber of course the school trouble makers."_ My brother and I are not trouble makers.

When we fight it's really nobody else's business. But he always starts with me it's not my fault at all.

Another teacher shifted in their chair. _"Well I'm Nathaniel's teacher and he isn't a bad child."_

_He just always seems really stressed out. And with the sister he has it's no wonder he treats her like that." _Wait why is everyone blaming me? I always say it's not my fault don't I? The mustached teachers starts to speak again. _"Yes at least that much is true he has good grades. His sister on the other hand she's failing badly."_ Well I don't like dodge ball all the kids throw the balls just at me!

It's a horrible game and it sucks besides I don't like gym. I don't want to run around and wreck my clothes. My teachers starts to speak again. _"Well that's it she can't behave and she isn't very smart. That's just wonderful." _I may be a child but I know what sarcasm is my daddy taught me. I feel the tears pouring out of my eyes. _"Well I have an Idea Nathaniel gets along very well with a girl named Melody. When she's around he concentrates is less violent and smiles more. Mabey we can sit them together as much as possible during school hours?"_

The others teachers all began to smile at each other.

I hate their smiles how can they be so happy when I'm sad!

"_That sounds like a great idea." "Yes I seconded that. And Melody is a good child I'm sure she won't mind at all." "It would have been nice if those two were born siblings. They compliment each other don't you think?" _

"_Yes they really do but what about Amber?"_

"_Who cares honestly she's not worth saving, as long as we can save one child were good."_

They all shared affirmative glances and went back to eating and drinking. I ran away how dare they.

She should be Nathaniel's sister what type of thing is that to say? I know It was a mean thing to say!

Why...?! Why I try my hardest I really do but some people aren't worth my efforts. I turn a corner on to the staffs central hallway. And just stare at the walls. A pretty marble blue it looks happy. Just like those damn teachers did. _"They don't care about me!" "That's ok I don't care anymore nobody does!" _

"_I'm tired of getting nowhere I give up!" _I bang my head against the wall. And I just keep repeating my actions until I hear the a girl yell. _"Help there's a crazy girl in the hall way!"_ I look over to that person they look terrified. It's Melody stupid bitch I'm not crazy. I look back to the wall and notice it's covered in blood. From the places I kept banging my head. I don't like blood. I can't stand it I can feel myself screaming.

But it's deaf on my own ears. I can't hear a thing and the next thing I felt. Was the impact of my body hit the floor I fainted.

Soaking wet I return back to the present day. My poor hair I yank my ponytail holder and ribbon out. I just throw them to the wind. I don't care where they land.

It's cold and I'm alone well at least I thought I was.

Nathaniel is standing over top of me holding an umbrella. Castiel is nowhere to be found this is as good as being alone. He looks down on me not a single trace of happiness in sight. I look up at him smiling.

"What's wrong your girlfriend dump you?"

"Why are you outside in the rain? Go indoors you'll get sick again." He repeats these words like a book. Against his will only saying them because he thinks he needs to. I'm sick of his self obligation.

I stand up and slap him as hard as I can. Which causes him to fall over and glare at me.

"Why didn't you tell me you had a girlfriend!?" He stands up and pushes me into the tree my head hit the back of it. But despite all of that I stood up again. "Because it's none of your damn business!"

"I don't like her!" "I don't care what you like Melody is my soul mate!" He picks the umbrella up and throws it at me. I smack it away and he starts to walk away. I run up behind him and tackle him to the ground. I regain my footing while he He rolls over and I kick him hard. "Like hell she's taking you away from me!" He stands up and grabs me by the hair. And starts slapping me repeatedly in the face. "You don't know anything just shut up! Didn't I tell you to stay away from me today!?" I successfully grab his arm step on his foot and punch him in the chest. "I don't want to hear it I will kill you!" He backs up and then lunges forward towards me and starts to strangle me. "You are nothing but a burden always! Be nice to your sister! Take care of your sister! She's all you have it's not that way anymore! I have someone else go away damn it!" He punched me in the face I felt my eye start to bleed along with the blood running down from my lip. From all the smacking and I couldn't breath to well either. The strangle marks felt like fire on my neck. He was about to hit me again. When Castiel jumped in the way.

He turned his back to Nathaniel and pushed me close to his chest. Luckily he never hit Castiel.

I cry into his shirt cause I'm scared. "What the hell is wrong with you!?"

"Mind your own business Castiel!"

"Men that hit women are worse then scum! And this girl is your sister what the fuck!"

How would you feel if someone that wasn't you hit her one day!? Would you even care since you seem to have so much fun doing it yourself! Ok I get it let's all join in is that how you feel?!"

He releases his hold on me and they stand face to face. Like they are about to start fighting too.

Then some teachers were making their way up the hill. I ran down the other side I need to get away.

I ran for a really long time. And the teachers never even saw me. People on the street stopped to try and help me. But I rejected them all this is nothing I have had worse wounds then these.

I enter my home still shaking in fear. I almost fell down in the door way. But I kept going not caring that I'm tracking rain in the house. I crawl into my bed and wrap my self up in the blankets. They're so warm it would be better if it was a hug. I began to cry loudly nobody would ever hear it so why should I hold my feelings inside. I roll around on my bed and eventually huddled myself into a corner. My head hurts badly I reach up to touch it. And wince at it even though I didn't use that much pressure. I pull my hand away and the whole thing is covered in blood.

"Ahhhh!" I shake my hand wipe it against the blankets just to get it off. But it wouldn't go away.

I hate this! I hate this! I hate this! I tangled myself up in the sheets. Discarding the blanket on to the floor. My body is starting to go numb. My vision fades to black with vibrant images of red.


	6. The Established Non Hollow Friendship

"_Everything is uncertain and unstable living isn't good. That's why it's always nice to have something solid. May it be a endless supply of the things you need. Or old words that keep you going."_

Opening my eyes themselves was a giant task. One I was frightened and two because I knew. That this time I was asleep and only bad things seem to make there way here. This time much to my surprise everything didn't look so threatening. It looked like cloudy sky on a sunny day. And that sky was everywhere. I was surrounded by it. I have always liked clouds. It's so nice to see something different. I smile and it hurts I try and frown but that hurts more. Oh well I guess emotion isn't allowed here. That's sort of a downer well at least. Now I can touch the things I like so much right?

I go to sit up and a pain shoots through my body. Like the equal amount of being killed multiple times.

I fall back down I want scream but I can't. Then my sky faded and turned into a mirror.

It would appear as though I really have died. It shows my body covered in so many wounds. And bruises my left arm it's actually broken. Every where from my head to my feet was damaged. There isn't any blood. And that's the only thing good about it.

I can't go anywhere I'm forced to stare at my own mangled body. Then the mirror started to play a scene. It's in our father's room and in bed lay our mother. So pretty she has flowing straight blonde hair and Turquoise eyes . I always think that my mom is the most beautiful person I know.

Even though she looked completely worn out after giving birth.

Standing in the door way was Nathaniel.

"_Come in darling come see her you have a little sister."_

"_But..I don't want to come in."_ He frowns I never knew my brother to be like this. So shy how can he be scared to approach his own parents? Our father walked over and takes him by the hand leading him into the room. He sits him down on the bed facing mom. My brother leans over and looks at me.

His face lights up but then it turned from happiness to what I assume was worry.

"_What's wrong honey?" "Her eyes don't match mine." "Oh there's nothing wrong with that your still siblings all the same." "I don't like it." _ Nathaniel crawled up closer to mom and sat there.

"_Do you want to hold her?" _He shook his head no quickly. And turned away with tears at the corner of his eyes. Why was he so afraid to hold me? Dad looked down at him and wiped his eyes.

"_It looks like he doesn't want to cause he doesn't know how to." _Mom face plamed and smiled at dad's comment._ "That's right we didn't teach him how to hold a baby."_ Mom sat and explained to him what to do. It's nice seeing this kind of thing. How become I am only able to see it now? It doesn't matter I like seeing what my family was like before I was born. Nathaniel finally held me I'm so very happy.

I can't smile words can't describe how I feel right now. Happy just isn't fitting this moment. But it's the only word I will use._ "Dear we haven't given her a name yet?"_ Dad says to mom while taking pictures with a camera. _"Your right we most certainly haven't." _She places her fingers through her hair.

And gets into thinking mode and sighs. _"You know nothing really seems right. I know Nathaniel would you like to name your sister?" _He shrugs his shoulders

_"I guess"_ What's with this indifference he's showing towards me. Even as a child it seems like he doesn't know what to feel towards me.

I look at myself as a child. Oh my god I'm so cute! I should have known but why do I look so sad?

Our eyes meet and the me being held in his arms smiles. _"Amber."_ Mom looks at me once more

"_Yes I think that should do just fine."_

"_Indeed good choice." _Father rubs Nathaniel's head and then he stares at me. This strange emotion crosses his eyes. _"Hello Amber..Good bye Amber." _He threw me to the floor. The mirror I was watching the scene from shattered and the glass fell. Yet it never touched me. Why...Why would he do something like that? I was just a child I hadn't done anything wrong. The tears pour out of my eyes. And they sting the open wounds on my face. The room I am in turns dark. The mirror reforms again. It plays another piece of my life.

I run around the house knocking things over. Trying to make my escape from dad. I couldn't have been any older than five. _"Come on Amber you have to take a bath."_ I kicked a table over on dad's foot.

"_Ouch come on stop it." "No! Never! I'm not doing it!" _He sighed and scratched the back of his head.

"_Nathaniel can you run the bath water?" _He was angry not surprising. _"Why the hell should I if she wants to be dirty then let her!" "Young man do not talk back to me hurry up and do as your told!" _

He picked up a vase threw it and it shattered in front of me. I stopped moving I couldn't that glass would hurt.

And I was scared why is it always like this? _"Nathaniel you can not throw things in this house!"_

"_Go to hell you never yell at her only me! She throws things and you don't do a damn thing! Now shut up and I'll go run the stupid bath!"_ Dad has an expression of hurt upon his face and he picks me up.

Taking me upstairs and placing me outside the bathroom door which was closed. I hear him mumble under his breath _"Why must these kids be so difficult?"_ I almost want to apologize for causing so much trouble but I don't. I honestly wonder what is stopping me from saying sorry?

I slowly open the bathroom door peek inside. He's got something in his hand it looks like a large bottle.

I can't see what it is _"Ahahahahah your going to die you stupid little girl."_ He places it down on the floor. I read the label bleach bleach nooo! _"I see you standing at the door." _In an instant he swings the door open and it knocks me over. Roughly his hands drag me towards the bathroom.

"_No dad help Nathaniel's trying to kill me!"_ I heard dad running down the hall way.

And it seemed like every step he took. I got just that much closer to the water. That much closer to my death. My hair touched the water and dad grabbed Nathaniel away from me. I almost fell in but I kept my hands against the wall. Then dad lifted me up into his arms.

"_What is wrong with you!?"_ Dad punched Nathaniel in the face. Wait stop what's going on I don't remember. Ever seeing dad actually be violent with him. I know that he has hit him before. But I don't remember seeing it a chill ran down my spine. I don't like to see this side of dad not ever. The mirror breaks again. I hear voices in the distance 'You don't like it that's why you blocked it out.' I want to tell this particular voice to shut up. However it's just not possible._ 'Stop turning a blind eye to things.'_

The voice turned softer and more distinguishable. It was my mothers voice. _'Amber look at what's in front of you.' _I went to stare at the mirror and was met with a bright light. Back to reality I guess.

I awoke and my father was brushing my hair. This dream scared me significantly less. Than all the others. Because I lived through these things. These are not dreams they are memories. I looked straight the bathtub was dirty. He already bathed and clothed me then. "Are you awake?" "Yes." "I'm going to kill your brother." I shivered was there really murderous intent behind those words? I didn't have a chance to decide before I jumped up and turned to him. "No dad you can't kill him please don't hurt him!" I fell backwards and almost into the tub again.

Dad caught me I wonder how many times have I been in his arms since birth?

"Be careful I was putting stitches in your head. You lost a lot of blood calm down."

I fix my gaze on this man who looks worried for me. And places me back on his lap where he begins to sew my wounds close again. "I'm not going to kill him. I could never hurt either of you really. Did you really think I would kill your brother?" I don't know what to think after that dream I just had.

"No I didn't think you could but for some reason I was worried needlessly."

"Please don't do that again." I hang my head in shame. Now my father thinks I don't trust him as a parent. How much worse could this day possibly get? Something just clicked inside of my head.

"How did you know Nathaniel did this to me?" I'm curious because I wonder how much has happened since I have been out. "I came home from work and untangled you from the sheets you were screaming his name." Did I really do that I don't remember opening my mouth at all. He places his hand gently on my back and rubs it. "You might want to wear your hair in a ponytail for a couple of days."

"I know." I sigh and make my way out of the door slowly. If I move to fast I'll just end up falling again.

I peek inside my room to find a freshly made bed. So he even went out of his way to make my bed for me. My father is so kind I'm going to thank him for this later.

I relax and lay down on my bed. My whole body aches in pain.

"I wish I knew the answer to my question, I want to I have to know if he loves me."

It feels like since the day I was born. I was never good enough as a person. I wasn't good enough for him. Nevermind to hell with it! I don't need to be good enough for him. I'm perfect just the way I am.

"Yes I'm perfect the way I am." I roll over and lie on my stomach. When I felt something poke me. Then I move over once more. It was my cellphone quickly I pick it up.

The screen flashed on and a heading made it's way across. 30 messages 42 missed calls I can't help but feel happy. Even though I do feel some guilt cause she was worried. But I'm glad to have someone other than dad concerned for me. I can tell I made the perfect friend. I will read none of these messages though. I erased all the messages cleared and my voice mail. I will call her back now. But I have to remind myself friend or not somethings aren't meant to be told. I won't be telling her about the injuries and I certainly won't tell her. Who it was that did this to me. I'm not protecting him or anything. I just think our family name has been dragged through the woods. Enough to last a life time since we began school. Pressing the call button I hold the phone away from my ear. She may scream at me and my head hurts. So it's better if I do this now. "Amber are you ok!" Just as I thought she yelled.

"Yes I'm fine." Then silence fell upon the line. Did my voice crack? Why doesn't she believe me?

"That hurt a lot." "What hurt you I'm not going to say sorry for leaving you at school I had to go."

"Shut up! You just lied to me! And I was worried this whole time!" Almost dropping the phone I grabbed it again and this time held on. She was really angry but I don't want to tell her.

Friends don't lie to each other. They aren't supposed to but isn't not saying anything. When you know the truth almost as bad as telling a lie? I can't do that to her it wouldn't be fair to her. And I don't want to lose this person she's all I have.

"No I'm not ok I will be from now on." On the verge of tears I put the phone on speaker and cover my mouth. "Your crying aren't you?" "What I'm not...yes" I wipe my eyes from the other line of the phone.

I hear her giggle but it ended with a sniffle. "Are you crying too?"

"I'm not going to lie to you...I ran after you to give you your umbrella." My heart stopped does that mean she saw it? How much did she see if she saw anything at all? I can't panic mabey all she saw was me running away. "I'm sorry this isn't what you want to hear. Judging by our conversation thus far. But really I saw everything. And when I saw him hit you and the two of you fighting. I kept screaming I had never seen anything like that in my life. I'm the reason why the teachers came over to break it up."

She sounded angry and then I heard something break from her end of the phone.

"So what type of stupid question is that! Of course I'm crying! My best friend got hurt! And I couldn't do anything to stop it! I stood there screamed and was completely useless! So yes I'm crying for your sake and for mine!"

Silence lasted between us for quite sometime. The only thing that passed was. The sounds of us crying.

I don't even remember how long that lasted. "Why does he hit you like that?" Why did the silence have to be broken with a question I don't know the answer to. "It's my fault you saw that I started it."

"I feel like that can't have been the first time." Damn she's perceptive if only the other people in that school. Could see half as many things as she does.

"It's not but were siblings. When two people grow up together they are bound to fight."

"That's strange my mom told me that when two people are raised together. They are bound to love each other." I shook my head cause I was reminded that. My mother had told me the same thing.

"Capucine Thank You."

"I don't want to be thanked. Everything is just how I feel about you."

This brat she better be grateful. First she wants to be thanked for the things she does. And now she's saying it's not needed. She makes me angry to the point where I want to squeeze the life out of her.

But it's thanks to her that I can live somewhat normally.

"Do you have my umbrella?"

"Yes I do and you need to hear me out." She paused and in the back of my head. I freaked out a little bit. Does she think it's trying to change the subject?

"Yes what is it?"

"I'm keeping your shaw." At that moment if I had food in my hand I would have dropped it.

"What no your not keeping it it's mine!"

"No I'm keeping it! I'm keeping it! I'm attached to it already!"

"No I bought it it's mine!"

"But I already named it!"

"She already has a name! Just because you named it doesn't make it yours!"

"I don't care I'm her owner now!" My face was probably bright red from. Both anger and happiness.

Honestly who does she think she is trying to steal my clothes? But it's nice to know we can be serious with each other. And that our friendship isn't hollow. And then next minute we can laugh together.


	7. Love & Hate Both Never Vanish Completely

"_Once your eyes are open to the world. You may begin to see new things you love. But don't think the things you hate will vanish."_

This morning I woke up with the phone still pressed to my ear. I saw that I was still in call and had not been hung up on. That piqued my interest so I decided to try something.

"Good morning.." I said hesitantly

"Good morning sunshine." That's when I looked at the phone funny. Capucine was actually still on the phone. It's rather shocking I thought she would worry about her bill.

"Are you ready for school." Oh yeah there's school today it's Friday. I jumped up out the bed then fell back over. Oh yes I had forgotten all about my bruises. And the fact I hadn't even eaten dinner last night. My nutrition needs to be replenished. "The way I look I don't think I can go today." I know she will be disappointed. But I couldn't possibly show up like this. With all the people already staring at me. I know the looks will be magnified ten fold. If I show up looking like this.

"I thought you might say something like that." She doesn't sound disappointed something is off.

Just then my room door flew open and Capucine walked in. With a large black bag in her hand.

She surveyed me up an down then, Sighed and put her hand on my head.

"My dear you do look dreadful. But that's nothing make up can't cover up." She unzipped the bag to show all manners of beauty treatment things. "Even though you and I both are 100 we can go above and beyond. I will show you how to do that." She smirked at me and I shook my head in disbelieve.

"Now go on ahead and get ready." Being much more careful this time. I walked to my closet grabbing some clothes. The headed into the hallway my destination was the bathroom. However I couldn't bring myself to walk past his room. So I stood there looking at the blue door. "He's not here." I turned around to face my father. "I don't care if he's here or not." I took off into the bathroom. Closing the door and locking it. So he didn't come home well after what he did to me. He really has no reason to come home.

I showered and these bruises are really sensitive to water. They hurt like hell in short.

But after having been exposed to the water. Moving hurts a lot less actually. I guess it's true nothing good goes unpunished. I shrug my shoulders and proceed to put on my dress. Today's choice was a silk red dress. With plaid stockings and black heels. I turned to the cabinet to reach for a hair holder.

Then I noticed I'm out of them. "See this is why I don't buy these damn things! I always lose them!"

I slam the cabinet shut looked at the floor to gather my clothes. When I looked back to the mirror.

I dropped my clothes once more. Cause I could have sworn I saw Nathaniel's face.

Ok that's enough I left my clothing on the floor and went back into my room.

"You look beautiful as usual." I roll my eyes at her I can't hear both envy and sarcasm in her voice.

"You can say that after you have patched me up." I sat on the bed in front of her. And with the most calm face. Even better than one of her signature dead pans. She proceeds to work on my face.

And my neck carefully selecting which one's to use. And which ones not to use.

"So what are you going to do today?" That's a good question what did I plan to do today. Well since I don't have plan I'll make up one on the spot and stick to it.

"Today I'm going to walk in the school with my head held high. And push some random person over at 7:45. Then I'm going to go to first period." I finished with a smile and she quirked an eyebrow at me.

I'm doing all I can to not laugh. Because it would mess up my make up.

"So then what about lunch?"

"Oh we can go to lunch together. I just have to get some money from my dad."

"No not needed I'll pay for lunch." I stared at her is she serious. What does she want out of it?

"For free?" She never really does anything for free or if it doesn't benefit her.

"I'm serious it's for free isn't this what friends do?" I nod my head quickly in agreement.

"Of course that's what they do!"

"God Damn it Amber stay still!" Opps I forgot she was working on my face. Slightly Embarrassed I quietly sat still until she was finished.

When she was finished she handed me a mirror. I stared at myself in awe. I don't look like I have anything on at all. I just look like me but you can't see bruises or the darkening under my eye.

"Where did you learn how to do something like this?" She laughed at me and patted my head.

"That's my little secret and I won't tell you." The crap after all that I told her last night?

I swear she'd be perfect if she wasn't such a brat! She got up and walked to my bedroom door.

"Are we going to school or not? My dad is outside in the limo waiting." I flicked my hair over my shoulder. Slid on my stockings to my dresser and grabbed a large hair clip. Quickly twisted my hair to the side. And used the hair clip to hold it together. I leisurely put my shoes on.

And the entire time she waited irritated then yawned for good effect. Knowing I was taking my time on purpose. I stopped stared at her for ten seconds. "Now we can go." I ran out the door in front of her.

"Come on slow poke what's taking you so long!" I heard her grumble hee hee and that's what she gets.

For not revealing her awesome make up skills. Before I set foot out the door. I saw my dad talking on his cellphone. With a mixture of worry and annoyance in his voice. Whatever it is it's probably not my business. Capucine walked up behind me and pushed me back a tad.

"It's my Limo I'm getting in first."

"I'm getting in first." I mocked her in her own voice. She rolled her eyes at me then got in.

I followed in shortly after her. When we arrived at school I saw Melody standing in the hallway.

Front and center talking to the principal. This girl just loves to be the center of everything doesn't she?

"Hey Capucine what time is it?"

"7:45 on the nose." I looked at her "Wrong answer it's pushing time." I started stretching my arms and smiling. Capucine jumped in front of me and dead paned. Oh come on seriously of all the times?

"The principal is right there you can't." "Oh fine then but my fun will not be ruined."

I grabbed her hand and we ran to the end of the hall. And up the stairs to the second floor.

Where I saw a rather tall boy at his locker. I ran up and pushed him over he fell to the floor.

And I laughed then he stood again. "What the hell is wrong with you crazy girl!?"

"I'm not crazy I just don't like you!"

"You don't even know me!"

"And you don't know me either!" And with that I kicked him where the sun don't shine. He fell over in pain and some of his male friends came over to help him. While others who saw the scene backed away or tried to distract themselves by digging through their lockers aimlessly. But not any one of those students dared to say a thing to me. I laughed and turned to Capucine "What time is it?"

"7:47 time to go to class." "Ok I got it no more time left." I took her by the hand and we ran to class.

Sitting in class beside each other. I noticed the teacher wasn't in yet.

"That was fun earlier we should do it again some time."

"I don't mind where ever you go I shall follow." She seems awfully unmoved by what I did earlier.

And that makes me wonder. What type of girl was she in her old school? As I was about to ask her the teacher walks in. "Everybody silent and let class begin." He pointed to the black board and I moved to take out my notebook. Which was pink and blue with a pretty flower on the front. My eyes wandered to the left to see Capucine's book was a simple black and white. I shook my head in disgust.

Ripping out a page in my book. I wrote on it 'Why is your book so lame?' I passed the note to her.

I could sense the mild irritation seeping out of her. From my comment and giggled the teacher spotted me. And I went to writing the notes from the board. Like a good girl ha! I felt something tap my shoulder. I looked under my desk and saw the same paper. I threw earlier in between my shoes.

So I did what any normal person does. I picked it up and read it.

'It's for work not play so stop bother me and let me work!' What I wrote on that paper back was.

'Oh my god you have no aim and we can still write notes and get our work done!' I tossed the paper with perfect aim into her lap. And she sighs and picked it up. I saw her scribble something down.

But this time she folded it a bit smaller and placed a pencil. Over top it at least her pencils had style.

They had her name written on them in cursive silver letters.

"Amber here take the pencil." I took both the pencil and the note.

"I like this pencil I'll keep it." She head desked and began writing her notes once more.

That's what she gets for not bringing my shaw back to me. Peering over at the teacher who was grading papers. Then without a care I opened the letter and read it.

'No I can't you might be able to but I can't. Don't bother me when I'm working.'

Oh she is such a stick in the mud in school. I didn't think she would be but she is. Then again this is my first full day in school with her. So I wrote on the paper back to her.

'You sound like you have a lot to prove? Why are you working so hard?' Glancing up I saw her really working hard. Aww I won't bother her after this letter. I sent it to her and I smiled.

She read the letter and crumbled it up. Noooo my paper how could she!

"I don't like to fail."

"Neither do I but still have a little fun."

"I refuse not in school my parents would be disappointed." The teacher looked up. His face twisted into frustration. At the both of us having been caught talking in class.

"Girls stop talking in my class you can do it anywhere else but not here!"

"I am sorry I won't do it again." At this moment I saw Capucine look kinda sad. But she didn't have to get caught talking to me? All she had to do was pass the note back. She got herself in trouble.

But it's not really that bad. It's not like we got phone calls home. Or thrown into detention. She doesn't have to look like that. I on the other hand did not respond to the teacher. Good grife these people in this classroom! Oh well at least I know a new part of her. She likes to get her work done. That's a good thing I'm rather proud of her. However that's a bad thing in my case. I'm going to be bored out of my mind. Within ten minutes my work was done. I peeked to my left she was still working. I looked ahead to the teacher who was checking on us. Like he had been doing it periodically. Oh so that's why she didn't write back and willing accepted being yelled at. She knew it would prevent me from sending her letters as well. I for just this moment stand back and marvel at her intelligence.

Then my surrounds set in I was still bored. I took out my note book and ripped out a sheet of paper.

Crumbled it up and repeated this process three times. I had a nice pile of perfect paper balls.

I held the four paper balls in one hand. The took my free hand and reached for my bottle of glue.

I poured the glue over the paper balls. Being careful not to get it on my clothes. Putting the glue away I tapped the shoulder of the girl sitting in front of me. "Le' smirk hey loser."

"Who do you think you are talking to?"

"You Li that's your name right?" She turned her back to me with a huff.

"Whatever Amber just leave me alone." Bad idea on her part never turn your back on an enemy.

I looked at her long silky black hair. Long it will be no more. I threw the glue ridden paper balls at her head. And they stuck with success. She jumped up out of her seat and screamed.

Quickly Capucine looked at me "What did you do Amber?"

"Nothing much really you see I took some paper and some glue-"

"Amber get out of this class right now!" Teacher grabbed me by the arm roughly. But whatever I'm used to being man handled this didn't even hurt. Then he placed me outside the class room door.

I spent the rest of class until lunch time out in the hallway. Giggling even as the principal walked past and glared at me. Not surprised I was out in the hallway once more. When Capucine exited the class she walked over to me. "You are something else." "I know I was bored." "So that's why you did that?"

"That's totally why I did that." She smiles at me and pats my back.

"What do you want for lunch?" "Ice cream." I responded without even thinking.

"Go on ahead to the parlor then. I will meet you I have to go to the bathroom."

"Ok then!" I started on my way to the front door. The last time I went to the Ice cream parlor.

It certainly wasn't fun at all. But I doubt that guy still works there. He has to be either in prison or dead. The kind of life he was leading It wouldn't have surprised me.

"Once you overcome something it's gone." I'm saying this to myself cause part of me is scared. It shouldn't be that way. This is after all one of my favorite places to go. I can't let it be ruined just because of one incident.

I walked out the front doors and behold. That stupid girl was sitting on the front steps of our school sulking. With a brown paper bag that I assume had her lunch in it. How dare she look like the representation for our school. Making us all look bad like her.

"You eat lunch out of a paper bag how tacky." I looked down on her and to tell the truth. I have probably always looked at Melody like that. But not this literally this feels much better.

Looked back at me then turned away. Good thing she knows not to look me in the eye. Unless we are standing face to face. Or I probably would have slapped her just now.

"Since your not eating your lunch let me finish it for you." I can hear the confusion lace her words even without seeing her face. "You want to eat my lunch?" Did she take this as me being friendly. Oh my she is sadly mistaken. I kicked her paper bag on to the ground. Her lunch spilled out everywhere.

She had soup for lunch while she was at school. Like seriously what is she stupid?

"I said I was going to finish it for you. Not eat it with you stupid!"

I jumped over the puddle my shoes had not gotten wet. But my clip did fall out of my hair. It broke on the ground no I really liked that one too. Plus it was all I had for the day. I glanced back at her and her eyes were widened a considerable amount. Then I noticed the hair blowing around my face. She must have seen the stitches in the back of my head. I played It off like it was nothing. And I didn't know they were there. And kept walking to the parlor but not before yelling... "Enjoy your lunch!"

Walking up the block I kept yanking my hair every which way. I really don't want anyone else to see this. My life would be over only she saw it. But I'm not worried about her in the least.

Ahhhh and this stupid hair of mine just would not comply. An adult about a foot taller than me. Saw it and they placed their hand over their mouth. "Excuse me but what happened to you-"

"Nothing!" I ran up the street only to promptly hit someone.

I almost fell to the ground but they held me up by my wrist. It was Castiel great he's probably going to yell at me. About running into him I traced his facial features he wasn't going to scream. He actually didn't even look annoyed just sullen. I gained proper footing and held my head down. Bowing slightly and blushing like crazy.

"I didn't mean to run into you!" I felt his hands intertwine with my hair. I am so grateful he can't see my face. "Keep your head up." I finally stood up to feel a braid fall over my shoulder. Tied at the bottom with that yellow ribbon I threw yesterday. He walked off and once again I'm standing here. At a lost for words.

The words thank you don't come out of my mouth. Something tells me they wouldn't even be proper in this moment. I walked a bit more and stood outside the Ice cream parlor. Examining my braid it was perfect. Why does he do these things for me? "He was only doing it because he had to return it."

I whisper under my breath. Then why didn't he chide me about wasting things I need?

"He was busy helping me not fall that's why." I keep talking to myself lowly nobody walking past seems to have noticed. "Don't you dare start thinking your special to him." I don't deserve to be special to him. I don't deserve the kind things he does for me. Or the way he listens to me. Cause just now he was upset. Like he was in need and I couldn't do anything for him. I'm useless to him what good is having me around?

"Your Hair it looks cute like that." I raised my head and Capucine was standing in front of me.

"My hair always looks cute." I walked into the Ice cream place with her. We ordered got our treats and sat down. Eating in complete silence and she began tapping he index finger on the table. I know she's probably annoyed at the fact that I'm not talking. I just can't think of anything to say at all.

"You look out of it."

"I'm not I'm just want to do something for someone and I have no idea what."

"Like I said out of it."

"It's not like that this person has been really nice to me I like him."

"Oh so you have a boyfriend."

"Not even no way at all"

"So is this guys your talking about your brother?"I raised up out of my seat did she really just say that?

"Hell no!" The people around me started giving me weird looks. I sat down slowly I hate myself.

"Way to make a scene queen spazz." We finished our ice cream and she left the money on the table.

Leaving the shop and making our way back to school. I spotted a Pretzel vendor I slowed down and stopped in front of it. "Let me guess you want a pretzel?" I nodded my head yes. She paid the man and I took the pretzel from him. Then I got an idea. "Capucine go back to school I'll see you in class."

"What you have got to be joking?" I took off running in the direction of the school.

"Relax I only get in your way while I'm there anyways!"

"Amber take care of yourself!" I snickered so easy to make her worry about me.

I ran until I reached the back of the school. And the hill with the tree where I recently was fighting at.

Castiel was there under the tree with his back against it looking straight ahead. At what I have no idea though. "I thought I would find you here." He doesn't spare me a glance but that's ok with me.

I sit down next to him and place the pretzel in his lap. "Here I hope you aren't allergic."

Now he finally looks at me. "Why are you giving me this?" Ok I could say a million things to him. To get him off my case. But this time I choose not to. I take a deep breath and look at him

"I know I'm useless and can't do anything for you. Despite you always helping me. But I wanted to at least try and make you happy." I can feel the redness in my cheeks flare up.

"You look like you should put on more weight. If anyone should be eating this it's you."

He picks up the pretzel in his hands. Meanwhile I stare at myself am I really that thin?

I turn to ask him only to get a piece of the pretzel shoved in my mouth.

"Your so empty headed...Thank you" It could have been my imagination but I think faintly I saw him smile for a moment. I stood up in front of him.

"Your always welcome but don't insult someone and thank them in the same breath."

"I didn't I paused for a moment and I'm not hungry." He stands in front of me takes the a bite of the pretzel. Then hands it to me he proceed to smirk and walk away. I look down at the pretzel the place where he bit it. And without even really giving it a thought. I placed it against my lips. The place where he bit it was still warm. I took a bite out of that same spot. I stood on that hill and ate the whole thing. By the time I was done I heard the bell ring. "Oh crap I have class!" I began to run down the hill to class in heels. Last period passed uneventfully. I didn't really talk I just kept working.

Anything just to keep my mind off of him.

At long last the school day is finally over. I walked alongside Capucine up the hall to the front doors.

"You were rather quiet in class why is that?" "I was working like that because you don't like hearing my amazing voice. Or like seeing my perfect penmanship."

"Your so full of it!" She shoves me slightly and we exit. My father is outside with his limo.

This is surprising why is he here? "I'm going to walk home today go with your dad." Capucine turned tail and left me standing there confused. Some friend she is I huffed and got in the limo.

"So are you going to tell me what's wrong or do I seriously have to ask?

"Your brother he ran away I have been looking for him since last night." I couldn't really bring it in myself to feel worried or anything like that. He's just running away so he wouldn't be punished it's not a big deal.

"Oh." That was all I was able to say to these current events.

"Luckily I called around enough and sent out a search team we found him." I was just looking out the window at this point not really caring what dad had to say. I should punch Nathaniel in the face for making him worry. That's not good at all. I had never been to this part of town. But somehow it seemed kinda familiar. Mabey I had been here as a child. Dad made the car stop and got out.

"Amber I'm going to go get him. The Ambulance has him right now. Don't get out the car and don't wander off." It took me a while to register that. Does that mean Nathaniel is actually hurt? I felt my heart stop then speed up. It wasn't regulating at all

"Wait the Ambulance? Dad what happened?" He didn't hear me the door was already shut. And he had walked away. Against his wishes I left the car and the first thing I saw. Was a large bridge I could have fainted. That's not true this isn't the place from my dreams. It can't be I know I have never been here before. But the more I walked the more true it seemed. The graceful flowing river with the deep water.

I got closer even though everything in my body was telling me to turn and leave.

Even that same path was there that lead downwards to the river.

"Nathaniel!" I ran towards the steep downward path. And saw him being put in dad's arms.

"Amber stop it girl go get in the car!" Dad actually yelled at me. I don't know how to feel. It doesn't matter my brother was in his arms. With his head wrapped throughly I ran back to the car. And yanked the door open and slammed it back once I got inside. Relax it's not like he's dead! He's just hurt how badly I don't know! Why didn't I feel anything? I'm not his twin I shouldn't have felt anything! That's not the point! I was breathing he was breathing. I started to put my hand over my heart. Everything is going to be fine.

Dad opened my door and placed Nathaniel in beside me. Silently he closed the door and went to speak with the police officers. I moved over quietly so as not to wake him. And placed my hand on his chest.

He was indeed breathing. "I..I don't know what to say to you. I feel like this is my fault. As much as I treat you badly I never wanted you to die." He opened his eyes and looked at me.

"Mom..." I inhaled and some tears rolled down my cheek.

"No Nathaniel I'm not mom." He turned his head to the side. And I saw some tears escape his eyes as well. "Oh it's just you Amber." He appeared as though he went back to sleep. And I moved away from him. Sitting on the other side of the limo. With my knees pulled to my chest. Blinking away tears as dad got in the car. Some where along the way home. I began to fall asleep. When I woke up we were home. I quickly climbed the spiral stair case. And went to my room. I lay in bed grateful that tomorrow is Saturday I have no school. I resumed my sleeping.


	8. Side By Side We Fall The Clearing Sky

"_My life and your lives although lived side by side. Are not one in the same at least that's what I think."_

My eyes flutter open to see the. An orange dusted sky at sunset with that bridge and river once more.

A repeat this has never happened before. I take my time and look around. Then I noticed this can't be a repeat I'm not on the bridge. And this looks different I can't really describe how. But I can try maybe it's the flow of the water. The currents are not as calm as before. Instead they are crashing against each other violently. Walking towards the steep path I look down. When I feel the wind behind me blow and I turn face to face with Nathaniel. I jump away from the edge I don't want to be pushed. He doesn't touch me nor does he notice my presence. He's crying I have never seen him do that before.

"_Why do I keep doing these stupid things?"_ He pulled at his hair quite hard. He may be crying but he looks angry at himself to me. I saw a couple of strands of his hair hit the ground.

_'If there was a wall here right now I would bang my head against it. Until I die from blunt force head trauma.' _At that I just stared in shock did my brother just think to take his own life? I went to grab his hand and my arm went through him. This has never happened before. Any other time I'm able to touch him so why not now? I wonder what's causing him so much stress?

"_Dear lord what type of monster am I? I did not mean to hurt her! And if you are real then why did you make me such a horrid brother?"_ It's...me I'm the one causing him so many problems. I..I don't understand. No that's not right more like I refuse to understand. We both have an impact on each other's lives. I look towards him and wait for him to speak again. But he doesn't instead he stands stock still and wipes the tears from his eyes.

"_I should go home but I can't face her or dad." _

"Nathaniel I'm standing right here!" He does not hear me once more.

"_I don't want to see her..there's too much that I just can't forgive in her." _I step away I'm done with this.

I didn't need to hear that. I can already assume how he feels about me. But what was all that about him feeling bad for what he's done?

"_I hate her..I love her what the hell do you want me to do!"_ He screamed this to the surrounding area.

And I flinched away I hate it when he raises his voice. He took one step forward then another until he was standing. At the top of that steep path the very same place I was before he showed up.

I'm supposed to be walking away. But why do I keep looking back? Is it that I want to hear more of his words. Even though this is not my Nathaniel it's still nice to hear his voice. Even if it says harsh unforgivable words. Do I really need his support that much. In my life that I am willing to accept anything at all?

"_Why must life be so stressful?" _He put his hands behind his head. Then he locked his fingers.

Turned around and look at me. At least I thought he was staring at me. He can't see me after all his lips had this painful smile graced upon them. He inhaled sharply and took another step backwards.

I reached forward to try and grab him. "Nathaniel No!" He hit the ground and was laying on it motionless. There was blood pouring out and I stepped away frightfully and screamed in agony.

Five Minutes Earlier

Nathaniel's Pov

I woke up in my own bed. It was made and my head hurt like hell! I sat up in bed it must have been that fall I took earlier. I just wanted to see the river.

"Stop always lying to yourself." More like I wanted to escape my wrongdoings. Running away never helps anything. I tell myself this over and over. Yet I never gain the courage to heed my own words.

I stand up hold on to my nightstand. Until I gain proper balance. During this time it was when I noticed I was cleaned and in my pajama's. Funny I thought dad would stop taking care of me. Like he always does when he's upset at me. What made this time any different? Was it because of my injury? Yes that's more than likely the case. "Why do I always talk to myself?"

I could speak to plenty of people. But the conversations I reveal in the most are the ones with myself.

They are also the ones that depress me the most. Perhaps just maybe I should stop having them. I'm tired then my stomach growls. And now it appears as though I'm hungry. I might as well go eat I exit my room into the hallway. I look down the hall dad's lights aren't on. Well I guess that put me in the clear for that inevitable scolding. I will get it just not right now. Which is perfectly fine by me.

I don't really want dad's punishment's. I feel as though I hurt myself more than anyone. I trail down the hallway. I couldn't have stopped myself even if I wanted to. I stopped outside of her door. I haven't seen her face today. I really went a whole 24 hours without looking at her. Somehow I don't feel quite as proud as my internal thought process is making me sound. In fact I feel quite ashamed I'm not living up to my duties. I began to walk away when a voice rang in my head. And it was her voice.

"Nathaniel do you love me?" I feel like a coward I saw she had fallen asleep. So I never gave her an answer. I believe you should never tell a person you love them. Unless you love them completely. And I can't tell her that yet. A large morbid part of me hates her. It was everything from the jealously I felt towards her as a sibling. To the fate that she bestowed upon our mother.

She was a child yes I know. I was a child too at that time. But mom taught her better than to trust strangers. Now we can't find our mother. She went in her place to somewhere we may never see her again. To protect her stupid child. If Amber had not been born than this wouldn't have happened. It's been too long how many years. Have I been living my life without a mother? I heard muffled words then the sound of movement. This is not the first time. I have stood outside her door and heard such strange sounds. Maybe she likes to talk to herself too. I pondered this for a moment. Then I noticed it's impossible we never really do anything alike. Let alone having something odd like that in common.

"AHHHHH!" I turned to the door and she kept screaming. I tried to open the door but it was locked so I kicked the door in. To find her lying in bed screaming at the top of her lungs. With her eyes open shaking and crying. "Amber!" I went over to the bed hurriedly. I began to shake her by the shoulders.

And she would just not register the fact I was here.

Current Time

Amber Pov

I could feel myself starting to wake up. But I couldn't quite get there! It was painful I keep seeing the moment he hit the ground. And the blood there was too much of it. I did this I stressed him out and he jumped. It was as if I killed my own brother! No I couldn't have I love him too much! I can't live without him. Then the ground around me started to shake. Everything started breaking and turned to dust. I saw his face in front of me covered in blood. He's talking I can't hear him. I'm sorry get away from me I can't be near you. I started to scratch at him and push him away. I killed you how can you be so close to me?! His face changed again to the Nathaniel I know one without blood on him. He had this twisted look upon his face. His arms were wrapped tightly around my neck chocking me.

"Amber stop Amber calm down wake up!" The words kept flooding my mind. Then his face changed again to my brother. Except this one's head was bandaged and his face was close to mine. His eyes had tears in the corner of them. Our lips were almost touching. I heard a crash and then I woke up completely. I jumped up in my bed to see Nathaniel looking at the door.

With his hands on my shoulders.

And dad walking in the room tiredly. Yet fully alert and boy did he look pissed off.

Nathaniel let go of me and stood up. And dad charged at him.

"No stop he was just trying to wake me up!" I pushed Nathaniel back onto my bed and jumped in front of dad. "He was trying to send you to hell!" I placed my hands on my neck. "Look dad no strangle marks I'm fine!" Even though that nightmare surely made me feel like I couldn't breath! I know it couldn't have been real. Those things are never real.

"No your not fine!" He looked at Nathaniel with hate in his eyes. And I can't believe it but I smacked my father. "Stop it don't look at him like that! We already look at each other like that too much! One more person might be too much for someone to handle!" He looked down at me surprised. Then looked back at brother. Still angry but to a lesser extent. Then there was a messaged passed between the two of them. Caused Nathaniel looked down and nodded his head yes. I didn't know what any of that was about. Dad left the room and he stood up off the bed and faced me. Then took hold of my hand and pulled me into his bedroom. Only letting go of my hand once we were in the room and the door was locked. I sat down on his bed and he got down in front of me on his knees.

Hugging my legs, what is this? Why does he looks so desperate?

"Nathaniel what's wrong? You look more torn up then me and I just had a horrible dream."

"Why did you go? What was going through your head? Why did you follow the kidnapper?

Why did mom go in your place? Do you know how hard it is to love someone,Who took away someone you loved, Before they were even born themselves?"

My eyes glazed over with tears I refuse to let fall. I knew it because of my incompetence in listening to my parents as a child. I was going to spend my whole life with a brother that doesn't love me. And a father who only favors me because I look like the wife he lost.

"I don't know why I followed I just did..." I peered down at him and he's refusing to cry as well.

"I don't know why she went in my place. It would have been better had I just died right? It's not like I had lived long anyway I was only four." He nodded his head yes against my leg. And my heart wanted to fall out of my chest. He thinks I should be dead. I will continue to talk anyway. If only to prove to myself I hadn't died yet.

"And I don't know how hard it is for you to love me. But do you know how hard it is to love someone who hates you?"

He let go of me and pushes me down roughly onto the bed. He hovered over top of me. His hair preventing me from seeing. The current look in his eyes. He opened his mouth to speak.

"I asked these thing because I needed to know...You were always selfish I wanted to see if you even cared she might be dead because of you. I wanted to hear how you felt about it. And I needed to know why you did the things you did. But you were just a child like I thought. You didn't know what your actions would bring. And Amber I will never forgive you."

My tears began to roll down my cheeks.

So that's it no forgiveness not that I expected any but it still hurts. Something hit me in the face and I looked up. His tears were falling on my face too. I wish it could be like this. I wish I could just carry the burden for the both of us. But that's just not possible. We each have our on individual pain.

"But Amber I don't hate you..In fact I don't know what to feel for you. And it tears me up inside. I hate looking at your face and wanting to slap you. I never like to see you in pain. Because your precious to me so I don't know why I keep hurting you. Yet I can't stop myself from wanting to take myself and harm you any way I can. I'm so confused!" He shook his head and more of his tears fell onto my own.

He stared away in the distance while looking right at me.

"I..I'm sorry I know you feel regret and I know I'm not helping. I want to heal us both so we can move on with our lives. But I have to be the older brother and do something right. I'm sorry I hurt you Amber. I'm going to find away to love you. I'm sorry I'm sorry do you forgive me?"

I stare into his eyes as clearly as I can. He apologized for hurting me. How long have I been waiting for this day? A really long time ever since these things started happening. But he hates me and he loves me. I am ashamed this isn't strange I feel the same way. I want my revenge! I want him to hurt like I hurt!

I want to move pass this and forget it the best I can! I want to make up with him! I want to replace all our sad and angry moments with happiness. But you know what I can't...I'm just too scared.

"I don't forgive you. I'm not sure I can. I would be lying to your face if I said I could. Yes you hurt me but maybe it was truly me who started this vicious cycle all along. Maybe I deserved to be hit and treated like crap. I'm not even sure if I have repented enough at all. But about you wanting to become a better brother. Your going to have to seriously prove that to me. Cause I don't believe you. Not through all your crying. This could just be another one of your plots. To break me down on the inside. It's going to take a long time for my wounds to be healed. Cause Nathaniel I'm scared of you!"

He looked down at me with and understanding look. I started to zone out quite a bit. When I think of how I feel too much it becomes a problem. I want to end this conversation right now.

"How should I prove it? That I really want to love you like I'm supposed to?"

I said the first thing that came to my mind. Something I have been wanting for a rather long time.

"You can start by hugging me." I reached my arms out towards him.

"Because I really need one from you." I locked my arms around his back as he embraced me. It was really warm and comforting. I thought I would never get a chance to do something like this.

He pulled away slightly and looked at me. He moved forward towards my face. I closed my eyes it felt like something touched my lips. I opened my eyes quickly and he was staring at me. Still his face apart from mine. His arms not letting go of me. "Is something wrong?" I shook my head no. I hope these nightmares don't start becoming hallucinations. Cause I could have sworn he just kissed me. But he didn't thank god. I would not have wanted that. But it felt so real it was quick but it felt existent.

"You can let go now." "Right we have been like this for a while." He let go and stood up.

I joined him standing beside him. Damn his height why is he so tall?

"Would you like to get something to eat with me I'm starving?"

"Yes I have eaten nothing but Ice cream for probably the last two days."

Together we walked to the kitchen. He cooked and I set the table. We didn't really talk I guess we were all out of words for the time being. After all we just spoke the things that have been weighing on our hearts for a long time. Casting their black shadow over our day to day lives. We may not have gotten rid of the darkness completely. But at least now we can enjoy a partly sunny day right?

The early morning waking ended with both of us. On the couch sleep next to each other. Maybe I'm imagining it again. But I swear I feel his hand intertwined with mine.


	9. Something Is Changing In The World

"_Rather things change for the better. Or the worse is truly in the eye of the beholder."_

It has been about a month now. And honestly I haven't slept this well in a long while. To say the least things around here. Have become different dad and Nathaniel have barley spoken. But Nathaniel and I we have gotten a bit closer. At least that's what I think. My front door all but crashed open.

"Amber get up your going to be late for school." What late last I checked it was Sunday? I looked at my cellphone. Then back over at my father. "Ahhh I am going to be late!" I jumped out of bed.

Slipped off the silk sheets hit the floor. Crawled over to the dresser picked up anything. To wear to school then went to the bathroom. As I quickly washed I tried to keep my hair from getting wet.

To no avail the end were soaked. Great just freaking perfect why do these things happen to me!

I dressed and yanked the door to my bathroom open. Only to have it swing back and hit me in the face.

Oh come on seriously I quickly went back to my room. As best I could with my palm. Trying to ease the pain inflicted upon my face. I grabbed a pair of heels then rushed down the stairs. And out the front door. "I so did not ask for a sprint first thing in the morning!" Glancing over at my cellphone. I checked the time. I could still make it if I run a little faster!

I tripped over a rock which forced me to slow down. "Ahhh oh come on!"

I sat down on the ground that's it I'm not moving! I don't care I'm going to be late anyway. Why even bother trying to make it on time? I felt something like a paper bag hit me in the back of my head.

I turned around ready to beat the crap out of whoever it was. This is just not my day.

It was Castiel...This really wasn't my day. In the last month our relationship has changed. Every time I was near him. I would get flustered. I didn't want to do any more damage so I tried to stay away. But it seems like every time I was turned around he was there. I wouldn't say I'm avoiding him. I'm just trying to keep a comfortable distance. That way next time we speak I'm ready and I don't have to freak out. "Why are you on the ground?" I turned my head and stood up quickly. He began to walk and I followed him quietly. I started to pat my hair,Dust off my dress and walk a little straighter. He's paying me no mind. Which is good I don't want to look at him. And been seen looking a mess. I opted to stare at the ground. I noticed we were walking at the same pace.

Even though his legs are much longer than mine. I could feel the heat go straight to my face. I shouldn't be thinking things like that remember? I sighed and walked just a bit faster than him.

"Where are you going?" I walked much faster than him. He made no attempt to chase after me.

I have got to get away from him! But even if he wasn't chasing me he was right behind. God damn it I stopped and looked at him. "I'm going to school!" He sighed and smirked "You know your late right?"

"Yes I know and that's why I don't have time to play with you!" And to make matters all the worse he laughed at me. "But you have enough time to sit on the ground and sulk? You are something else."

I can't take this anymore I'm starting to get a headache. I could just scream and tell him that I like him.

So it's hard for me to be around him. But if I do that I'll get shot down. What's the point in putting myself through that? There is no point placing my hand on my hip I stared at the ground.

"I'll talk to you later ok. I really should get to school." I wanted to make my feet move but I couldn't

I just stood their waiting for an answer. As if I had even asked a question at all.

"Ever since last month you have been avoiding me." He said and I refused to look at his face. In the end I opted to escape at long last. "No I haven't been avoiding you!"

I took off running towards the school. I was already late so I think I'll go in through that back entrance.

Peering around the corner I saw the girl from a while ago. All her long hair chopped off into a short cut. It suited her although I bet she misses the long stuff. Ever since that incident she refused to come to school. She was standing next to another girl. Who was quite tall with her hair back in a ponytail.

They both looked at me ohhh are they mad? I flicked my hair then causally made my way over. They were standing in the center of the stairs in the middle. Side by side was that supposes to scare me? I walked up to both of them. "Move out of my way." Li said nothing rather the girl next to her spoke.

"So your Amber right?" I rolled my eyes at her.

"If you attend this school you should already know."

"Ah so I was right you are Amber I'm Charlotte."

"I don't care what your name is now move!"

Li moved to the other side behind Charlotte. I quirked my eyebrow at her. She actually moved most people don't learn straight away. I walked up the stairs and they began to follow me.

Before this even goes any further. I faced both of them "Look I'm having a horrible day I'm in a bad mood!" Li looked at me "When are you not in a bad mood?" It took everything in my power not to kick her. "I don't know why your following me! What do the both of you want?"

Charlotte looked at me "Oh boy your kinda dense were your friends. Friends walk each other to class."

"Your the one that's slow I have one friend that's all I need!" I walked up the hall hands at my side gripping my dress.

That's when the bell rang. It was time for classes to change. Great maybe I can lose them in this crowd.

I saw Capucine come out of class. I could have run to her but I didn't. She saw the look on my face and immediately dead paned. "Amber what's wrong?" Approaching me faster than normal.

"I'm being stalked by two people who claim to be my friends."

"That's stupid I'm your only friend!" Now it appears as though her serious expression has been over written with a mad one. I guess she feels like her position is being threatened. Although she really shouldn't worry I don't like either of them.

"I don't like them Capucine only you ok." Her face returned to normal and we started walking to class.

"I don't want that at all Amber are you listening?" What the crap is she talking about. Giving her my most questioning look I faced her. "Don't make anymore friends but me." I can do a lot for Capucine but that's one of the things I will not do. I refuse to limit myself for her.

"I can't promise you that. I'm going to want to be near other's too someday." Once again her face decided to play some games. It twisted from melancholy to anger then possessiveness.

"So I can't make friends with Melody and I'm reduced to being your spy." She started to walk towards me. I felt something just not right about this so I simply backed away. "Yet you can make all the friends you want? Your free to forget about me and replace me? I DON'T THINK SO!"

"Caupcine calm down! Don't yell at me have you forgotten who I am!" She blinked and backed away from me almost faster than I could notice. "I...I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell." She reached her hand out for me but I backed away. "N-no Amber look seriously I'm sorry. You can do what you want. I shouldn't have gotten like that. Your the leader I listen to you not the other way around." I stared at the floor. And her voice dropped into a whisper. "I didn't mean to scare you..." Gently she grabbed my hand and I let her. Had I really done such a selfish thing towards her. I didn't even notice I was limiting her like that. But who's fault is it I hate the girl everyone seems to love!

"I'm not selfish I don't want to be that way. You can have your own friends to then."

Capucine shook her head no instead. "I'm fine I just don't want you to forget me. I'll be forever yours."

I smiled at her "That's all you had to say I'll never forget you ever." I didn't see how she reacted to that one. But I assume she had to be happy. For I was busy opening the door to the classroom.

And behold the two people who are now my newfound stalkers. Standing right at the door how did they get past me? Li must be a ninja it's the only explanation. "There you are you were about to be late to class." Li says and looks at me with annoyance. "Yeah we thought we were going to have to come find you." Charlotte breathes a sigh of relive and grabs Li's hand pulling her over to their desk.

Capucine has this aura of darkness around her. And if I'm not mistaken it's viewable. Then she ran her fingers through her bang and put it away. She seems to be good at tossing her emotions. That's both a good and bad skill. She began to walk away from me. "Where are you going?"

"To fix this issue." I reached for the back of her hand and she gently pushed mine away.

I faked a hurt pout when in all honesty. I was just very curious now she was taking both of our desk.

And arranging them next to Li and Charlotte's so that they looked like a small table.

Capucine turned to me "Aren't you going to come sit down?" I gave her a what the hell are you doing stare. Which she brushed off and turned away like. She was completely oblivious to what I was asking her. I thought she didn't want me to breath the same air as them. And now she's telling me it's alright for the four of us to sit together. I took my seat beside Capucine. I hope she knows she doesn't have to force herself. And that this is pointless I dislike them both.

The four of us all looked at one another. I was waiting for someone to speak. Just what was all this about? Shaking my head and pushing my hair over my shoulder. "What do the two of you want?" Charlotte answers first it feels like she's Li's personal answer machine.

"We want to be your friends, And trust me we have no alternative motives."

"Yeah you say that but I just finished making your best friend cut her hair. Why do you expect me to believe you?" Seriously I had to know the answer for this. There's no way they can possibly think I'm that dumb. To believe they are not trying to take revenge by warming up to me.

Li kept fidgeting in her chair. Reapplying her make up which she finally slammed down on the table.

"Look I'm grateful to you ok! I was a horrible person and you made me want to become good!"

"I'm that last person you should be grateful to I'm not a saint!" Something in me always forces me to yell at her. Maybe it's her stupidity yeah I'm going to go with that.

"You don't understand your the first person who's ever put me in my place...That's why I decided to follow you. Wherever I went I kept making enemies. And forcing my best friend to have them too. Please just give me a chance to live differently."

I put my head down on my arms. This whole situation was giving me a headache. More so Li was giving me a headache. Her stupid social life story. It's mainly because I understand.

Capucine separates herself from me at school. If she didn't she'd probably be getting dragged down with me. The same way Charlotte was getting dragged down by Li's horrible past behavior.

What's she's doing is turning over a new leaf. Trying to fix both of their lives.

It's certainly not a bad thing. But as for the gratefulness I think I could just take that. As her way of saying she's finally paid for the things she's done.

"You will not find your path of good if you hang out with me."

"That doesn't matter I want to be friends with the person who saved me from myself."

"Your stupid no good will come of you being friends with me." Why does she make me repeat myself? What can she not hear? I'm not good for having friends. Besides the one I have now I don't even deserve. And she takes up all my attention. I don't think Capucine would like it if I had to give her 1/3 of my attention. I mean she pretty much screamed it at me earlier. Charlotte and Capucine seem to be having their own discussion quietly on the other end of the table. While we who seem to have these social blockages. Were busy just screaming at each other. Well at least we can get our points across. When all out of the thin blue sky Charlotte speaks to me. "Your the only one who's stopping yourself from having more friends. You don't have to be a good girl or friendly. You just have to be yourself. People like you the way you are Amber. Well I can't speak for everyone else but Li does. And if she's ok with you then I like you too." I banged my head against the table. I don't like this! I don't like this at all! When did I become a person people would like to accept? I got up from the table and walked out the room. Into the hallway at the very end and just stood there. When I saw the boy from before coming down the staircase. I jumped at him and he ran. I guess people do have good sense just not those two.

Capucine was coming up the hall way towards me. Thank god someone I could tolerate finally.

She stopped right in front of me. "You wanted a better life for yourself. I can tell you this much. If you don't become friends with them you will regret it. They really aren't plotting some kind of unseen revenge upon you. If they were I would have noticed it. What did I say I'm here to protect and benefit you correct? It's ok to try new things and be with new people." Why is it that she always says the things I need to hear. At the times I don't want to hear them. Her timing is off again as always.

I hugged her tightly "What about you why are you doing this?"

"Because I care about you, And besides this is a good chance for both of us right?"

I nodded my head against her shoulder. She begins patting my hair.

"Come on go back to class with me. We shouldn't be out in the hall. I don't want to get in trouble."

I follow her to the class room. We both took our seats. And of all the damn times to have an hovering silence why now? I have to break it, I have no choice in the matter.

"Listen I dislike the both of you. Your rude and like stalkers." They giggled at my comment what's so funny? "I don't see any reason for us to be friends. But most parts of life require for people to get over the past. I don't want to be your friend! But if you can prove your worth to me! I might consider it!" I slammed my hands down on the table. Took out my book and started writing. Anything I could to not meet their stares of happiness and glee. Just what have I done now? I shake my head and continue my writing. As time in class flew past we started to talk to each other. Come to find out we all read the same magazine's. Even though I could have bet a million dollars Charlotte wasn't into that kind of stuff.

I guess looks are deceiving after all. Then come to find out we all read the same series of books online.

This was actually pretty fun. To have a big discussion with other people. It totally kills that feeling of being alone. But the best thing is Capucine and I have our own inside jokes. That they don't seem to understand. And they have their own set as well. We all exchanged numbers and made plans. Later that week for a sleepover. I think it will be nice Li said we should use her house. Which I promptly turned down. We argued about the location for 20 minutes Before the teacher yelled at us.

It was decided we would have it at my place. Because I always win arguments.

By the end of that day as Capucine and I were riding home. I noticed I had this dumb smile plastered on my face and that since. We all began taking I have been wearing it. Even though I was late to school. And had a awful morning but things still played out rather fine.


	10. The Complications With Saying I Love You

"_Everyone can say I love you, The hard part is waiting for someone to say it back."_

Capucine pov

It's finally the end of this horrible day. I hated it all of it. I glance to my left and see Amber.

Looking at her face always makes me happy. But now it's different she has this stupid smile. On her face and she just doesn't notice it's hurting me. But who's fault is it? It's mine even though we are best friends. And I won't let her hide anything from me. I continue to do that sort of thing to her. I feel like crap and a hypocrite. I want to turn around and push her out the door. But I could never bring myself to hurt her. At least that's what I think. I didn't think I was capable of doing a lot of things before.

And I have fooled myself in the past. I rest my hand against the arm rest. And lean my head on the window. I don't want this to happen again. I don't want to be forgotten. I stayed as close to her as I could. Why couldn't she ever smile at me like that? I was here first I did everything I could. I even got her to open up to them. I told her how I feel about her having more friends. When I brushed my feelings off for her sake. I expected her to still abide by my limitations. I keep on forgetting she is not very easily controlled. Like that someone I used to know. Sadly I was the one who walked away.

And I still miss her to this day. I feel the seat beside me shake. And Amber got out of the car.

"Bye bye Capucine! See you tomorrow!" I looked over and she was smiling at me. A special one that felt like it was only meant for me. I could feel that angelic aura radiating off of her. Was I mad at her earlier? Yes I was but it's things like these. That ease my pain and change my mind. I smile back at her.

"Bye Amber angel." The door shut and the car took off towards my home. I'm not going through it again. I'm not going to sit back and do nothing. While someone important gets stolen from me. I'm going to fight this time. I'm tired of being weak. I'm going to do what I should have done the first time.

"Maybe if I did Violette would have still been here."

Amber pov

I took two steps into my house. And got caught into something warm. "Ughhh.." No real words managed to come out at all. "Welcome home Amber." I pushed the offending person away. Then looked at them. No way I could tell I blushed and I didn't even look in the mirror. Nathaniel just gave me a hug at random. "I umm thank you? This has never happened before. I don't know what to say."

"That's ok you'll learn." His hand reached over to my hair. And I flinched away from him. He apparently saw my reaction. Because he didn't touch me. "I'm not going to pull it."

"It's going to take a long time for me to believe that." He had an expression of sheer rejection on his face. And I took this time to look around. I really don't want to see something like that. It makes me feel bad not that I did anything wrong. I just told him the truth after all he's done. I'm not going to forgive him so easily. And what is wrong with this house. There's mops and broom everywhere. Stacks of papers and magazines lined up. Cleaning supplies on the kitchen counter.

"Ok I'm going to ask what are you doing Nathaniel?"

"Spring cleaning." "Aren't you a man why are you cleaning? And it's November it's not spring."

"Ok then winter cleaning." I'm not sure if I'm hearing things but I'm sure he laughed.

"And are you saying men can't clean? That's a shame you shouldn't judge by gender."

"Come on Nathaniel you could be a girl if you wanted. I mean you already like cats you sissy."

"I am not a sissy there's nothing wrong with cats!" I looked at him then turned away. If he thought there was nothing wrong with that. He must be delusional plus when you factor. In how old he is it's just not normal. I shook my head and could feel a smile trying to force it's way up. No I refuse to smile at my brother's actions and words. I think it's too much to fast he doesn't deserve it.

"Amber I baked cookies for you." Must hold in laugh. I looked at the plate of freshly baked cookies on the table. With a card on it I picked up the card. 'I hope you had a fun day at school.'

I took the plate of cookies and went over to the fridge. As he resumed his cleaning good we still had those alphabet letter magnets. I wrote on the fridge 'Your a homo.' An quickly ran up to the spiral staircase. I managed to get to the middle before he looked at the fridge.

"Damn it Amber I'm not gay!" I couldn't hold it in anymore. I just kept laughing up the stairs.

Nathaniel pov

Well I made her laugh. I made good progress today. I face palmed does she really think that.

I hope she doesn't think that. I'm not a homosexual. Not that I have anything against them. And if there was a guy. I was sure I was in love with. It's not like I wouldn't go for it. I mean you like what you like after all. "Wait shut up stupid! I like women let's not talk about this! Don't even go there!" I threw the broom down on the floor only to see. Dad standing in the door way. Like he's been there for a while.

"Ummm good afternoon." "I didn't know you were like that? Now I don't have to worry anymore" "I'm not like that!"

"The more you deny it the stronger it gets." "Wait dad you don't even know what's going on!"

"It's ok Nathaniel I love you. No matter what gender you love." "I'm not gay!" Dad walked in the basement and closer the door. Oh for the love of god! I broke the broom stick and sat on the couch.

I have a headache from the sheer stupidity. Surrounding me that I was just forced to endure.

But this is the most I have hand contact. With the other two people that live in my house. In the same day it's kinda nice. I picked up the duster and started petting it. I really want a cat one day.

Then something in the back of my head clicked. What was dad worrying about concerning me?

Should I go ask him? No i'm not going to. There's too much I haven't gotten finished. I'll do it later.

But right now I'm in the mood for something sweet. That's new for me yeah I think I'm.

I'm going to the icecream parlor.

Amber pov

I was online going shopping as usual When all of the sudden something caught my eye.

It was a really huge water bed. "Oh my god this would be perfect for the sleepover!"

I rolled over and kicked my cellphone off the bed. "Opps got to excited hope that isn't broken!"

Giggling I looked at the prices. They were kinda cheap no way. I'm going to the store to buy the most expensive one. These cheap things can't be good in quality. Besides I want to do a bed jumping test.

I nod my head pick up my phone. And walk downstairs I got to the landing. Should I tell Nathaniel I'm leaving? No I thinks it alright besides. We aren't that close right? I began to walk outside and walked straight into him. "Ouch damn it too many accidents today!" "Watch your mouth."

"Please you are in no position to tell me that." I roll my eyes and start off on my walk.

He's following me this is getting kinda weird. "Where are you going?" "None of your business." He looked away from me. I feel a bit hurt is he playing around? Or is he shutting himself off from me again. I can't tell I'll try and pry a little more. "So your going somewhere you have no business?"

"No it's not like that." "I'm telling dad your on drugs."

"I'm not on drugs! I'm going to the ice cream parlor!" He stared at the ground oh so that's why.

"I thought you didn't like sweets?" "Shut it annoying some of your bad habits do rub off on me."

Somehow I was way happy to hear that.

"Wait a second how did you know I go in the icecream parlor?" I hate it when things like this happen.

I makes me feel like he's some kind of stalker. "You really do think I don't keep my eye on you?"

"Well I know you watch me in the house. But outside to geez going over board."

"Are you even serious the fact that your outside. Surrounded by strangers makes me watch you more."

"Your like a crazy stalker." "What?" He tilted his head to the side and I simply shook my head.

I know he heard me he simply does not care. Staring up ahead I spotted something very noticeable.

And it was coming my way. It was Castiel oh for the love of cotton candy. I am so not ready for this.

Let's see if I can get Nathaniel to take me another way. I took him by his hand and crossed the street.

"Amber the ice cream shop is on the other side." "I know it's just that.." This I didn't think about. How to tell him. That I was avoiding someone that I liked. That just so happened to be a guy. Wow way to go blondie! If I could pat myself on the back right now I would. He grabbed me and placed both his hands on my shoulders. I had to stop walking for the fact. That he yanked me towards him.

"What are you running from?" "Nobody!" "Stop lying to me is someone bothering you?"

That's when I felt myself be yanked backwards. "Ahh!" "Calm down it's just me." I wanted to scream. I know it's you that's why it's bothering me! Why are his hands around my waist?

"What's going on over here?" Castiel ask and eyes Nathaniel suspiciously. "Every time I see you Castiel do I have to tell you to mind you business?"

"It depends every time I see you do you have to be doing something stupid?"

"Let go of my sister!" "Why she's safer with me than she is with you?" This was starting to get out of hand. "I'm not in danger Castiel I'm fine were fine." He rested his head on top of mine. I could feel him smirking. And Nathaniel is getting angry. Doesn't he know when to stop playing?

"Are you sure?" I shook my head and tired to move away. But he only pulled me closer.

"Yes I'm sure." "Let go of my sister!" Nathaniel yanked me by my arm. And it freed me from his grasp.

I was grateful but that hurt a lot. And for every second that passed I could feel. It getting tighter ouch.

"She's not just your sister she's also my friend! You selfish poser child!"

I blinked Castiel thinks I'm his friend. My face started to heat up. And apparently Nathaniel could tell he let go of me. He walked up just a little bit ahead. "I'm not going to engage in a name calling game with you. Because I would win I'll spare you. Come on Amber let's go." I go to follow him when my shoulder is tapped. "Here take it see you whenever." He handed me a slip of paper. I just put it into my purse then. Went to catch up with my brother.

Who seemed to be walking faster with every step. "Nathaniel wait for me!" He stopped and stared at me. Did I sound that whiny just now? "The street may be here forever. But I'm not going to hurry up."

I started to run towards him. When I finally got there he grabbed my hand. And we began walking.

This feels weird and natural all at the same time. How is that even possible?

"I'm glad we left the house at the same time. Who knows what he would have done to you."

"He wouldn't have done anything. I would have got away from him if you didn't hold me."

"I'm not going to apologize for being concerned. Actually I'm glad I found out who it was."

"Why don't you two like each other anyway?" He doesn't answer me for a long while.

We just kept walking aimlessly. We had long since strayed from the path. Of the icecream store and Mattress store. "Stay away from him." I looked him in the eye. "No he's my friend."

"Friend don't make me laugh. Do you even know what kind of person he is?"

"No I don't.. I have no idea about the negative things he does! But I do know more of the positive things about him than you do! I don't care how he treats everyone else! I do know that he's nice to me! He always helps me even if I don't ask him to! He's my hero and I like him a lot!" Nathaniel just stared down at me like I had lost my mind. Then his expression changes to indifference.

"So your in love with him? And I use the word love loosely."

I didn't answer right away. Rather I didn't answer cause I don't know. I don't understand what I feel.

A lot of people would call it admiration. But my feelings go far beyond that. I'm not just grateful for all he's done. And I don't feel like I want to pay him back for everything. I used to feel that way I don't anymore. I just want to stay by his side more than anything else. Yet I'm stuck going this stupid route.

Staying away from him until. I can convince myself to keep my cool. I guess I had enough of him seeing me when I'm weak. I want him to view me as strong. Someone who can stand by his side.

Even if I'm never able to help him. I want him to know that I'm there and it's ok to lean on me.

So do I call something like this love?

"Yes I love him a lot. And I don't use the term loosely." I felt some type of sadness sink in. Around us and I don't know if it's because of my love confession. Or if it's because of something else. About 20 minutes later we finally reached home. I quickly ran in and went upstairs.

No dive to the bed I just sat down. Like normal people do what was wrong with that?

Something in that conversation was wrong. It's like I hurt Nathaniel a lot more that I should have.

I mean I know it hurts a guy. For his sister to be in love with his enemy. But did it really hurt that much? What am I missing something isn't adding up right. I don't want to think about this anymore.

I dumped my purse out on the bed. I spotted the piece of paper Castiel gave me. It was red stationary paper folded in half. Interesting I wonder if his school books look awesome? I'm actually a little scared to open it. But if I don't I'll never know what's in it. Taking a deep breath I quickly opened it.

_'We can talk whenever.'_ His phone number was at the bottom of it. I dropped the paper on the bed.

Oh my god he gave me his number! He wasn't lying then outside! He really does think I'm his friend!

This is just too good to be true. I picked up my cellphone. Which wasn't broken thankfully. And put his number in. What do I do? What should I say to him? I have my hand on the call button. And my hearts racing so fast. Should I tell him how I feel about him? I shook my head and gently closed the phone shut. No way in hell we just made it this far! I can't just blurt out I love him! That would wreck everything! Well when in doubt of what to say. You can always send a text message. Yeah that just might work. With haste I picked up the phone. Without thinking text him and placed it beside me.

_'I'm sorry I won't run away anymore.' _Now time to distract myself until he text back. I began looking for a distraction for all of three seconds when my phone rang. He text me back so quickly!

_'Good because that's the last thing I want. Your utterly brainless for avoiding me.' _

What do I send back this time? I should really think about it. Before I make myself look like an ass.

_'I'm not stupid :) your just not smart enough to keep up with me!'_ There that should do the trick. I turned to my computer than my phone rang. Crap can I breath before he text back? Apparently not oh well it's not like I don't like it.

_'You smiled your dumb. Normally I detest conceited girls. But your the only exception.'_

I'm far from conceited. I wonder when he got that Idea through his head.

'I'm the exception because I'm not what you think I am. I'm far from conceited. I just know when I'm better than a person.' I pressed send do I really act that way around him? Oh wait I'm constantly telling people they're trash. And calling people ugly no wonder. I let a giggle escape me.

The phone rang again and I picked it up.

_'DO YOU EVEN READ WHAT YOU WRITE BEFORE YOU SEND IT?!'_

"_LOL I less than 3 U"_ I pressed send right away. Wait a minute did I just send that? Ahhh noooo! Stupid impulses making me confess by accident. I don't blame him if he hates me now. The phone rang and it sounded frightening I didn't want to answer it. I picked it up anyway maybe I truly am dumb.

_'What the hell is a less than three ? '_

_'It's nothing I'm going to eat dinner now 'll see you tomorrow ^_^' _ I pressed the button and closed the phone. Yeah I'm not stupid he is. Thank his slow mind I hopped off the bed. I left the phone there and headed towards my door. I'm not going to make anymore mistakes tonight.

~Merry Christmas you guys! And Melody shows up next chapter be prepared!~


	11. Always being near a blessing or a curse?

"_Togetherness is it comforting or suffocating. I like to view it as both what is everyone else's choice?"_

This morning I woke up with a start in my step. Life seems to be going so well at the moment. I don't see why I shouldn't savor it. I rolled out of bed quite cheerfully landing on my hands. And knees next to the dresser. Which I yanked open and began looking for clothes. I found a Black lace dress and decided that. It would be ok if I wore that. Peering out the window I saw the sun was out. Wait I have been tricked by the sun before. I opened the window and stuck my arm out. It wasn't cold at all which is good for me. As a matter of fact the wind wasn't even blowing. Now that was good for my hair. Smiling I closed the window. And returned to my clothing hunt. My eyes drifted to my nightstand. It spotted that Yellow ribbon once more. It's like it was calling me. I picked it up with several other things I needed and headed down the hall. I walked past dad who seemed to be in a hurry. Then I stopped at Nathaniel's door. I knocked lightly on it we don't want a repeat of last time. "What is it Amber?" I walked in the room and shut it behind me. "The better question is how did you know it was me?"

"You haven't bathed yet I could smell you from outside the door." My face turned red that jerk! Coming at me early in the morning. I turned around to leave "Wait Amber it was just a joke!" I quickly turned around towards him. "Yes I know it was a joke." I giggled lightheartedly "I was joking too." Walking over to him who was standing at the window. Trying to open it apparently it got jammed. I wrapped my arms around him. It was an early morning hug it wasn't bad at all. He stopped what he was doing and hugged me back. Then looking down at me. He asked me something I hadn't considered.

"Is there something wrong?" I thought about it then I noticed for once. Nothing was wrong with me at all. This would be the first time I have ever answered nothing. And have it be the actual truth. "Nothing" I couldn't help but laugh. It really was the first time and it felt good.

He let go of me and I backed away myself. Left the bedroom and entered the bathroom. I started to wash and get dressed. I let my mind wander quite a bit. I wonder what dad was in such a hurry for?

Usually when he runs around like that. There's something wrong or he's being over worked. I wonder which one it is this time around? Nathaniel seemed to be in high spirits too. And me I'm just peachy today. Stepping out of the bathroom after quite some time later. I paid attention to the clock finally.

I wasn't going to be late to school. But it never hurts to make so haste. Grabbing my cellphone I hurried and left the house. Yesterday I had text Castiel. But before that Nathaniel and I had a conversation about him. That didn't come to him hitting me. Or either of us getting violent with the other. I think that's a great step. And all out the clear blue sky it hit me. Rather Capucine hit me and she almost knocked me over. "Why are you walking to school? You could have rode with me?"

"I didn't feel like riding today. And why are you walking?"

"It's because I had a better chance of catching you by foot darling."

I stared into the distance and kept walking. "Well at least your getting in motion a bit. I find you to be a bit on the chubby side." She stared at me in utter horror. And that's when she swung her purse at me. I dodged it and began to run. Of all the days for me to leave my purse at home! Is the day Capucine wants to pick a purse fight. Curse my luck I kept running until I got to a traffic light. When she caught up to me she was out of breath. "How can you run like that!?" "I get a lot of practice!" And that most certainly was not a lie. We walked the rest of the way to school. Apparently Capucine didn't like to run. Note to self to make her. Run if I ever want to get back at her some day.

So when the two of us finally arrived at school. Li and Charlotte were waiting outside.

"Capucine what happened to your hair?" Li asked her and Capucine had one of those ticked off looks on her face. "She made me run!" Aww now she's pointing her finger towards me. I laughed and walked in the building. Then I saw the annoyance of the century Melody. Rolling my eyes I walked past her. But only she grabbed my arm. "Let go of me bitch!" She let go and stared at me. "Amber we need to talk." Us talk yeah hardly I think not! No I'm not talking to you piss off!" She even had the nerve to make and upset face at me. "Look it's about school matter could you please just come into the office." School matters if I could bang my head against the wall I would. That's the last thing I want to talk about. I looked back at Capucine then she looked frightened. I wonder why I hope I didn't make a weird face. I put both of my hands on my face then walked away in the office.

Taking a seat in the room the farthest away from her. "Look what did you want to talk about? The fact that I get thrown out of class regularly. Or the fact that my grades are perfect except gym." She sat in the chair next to me. She's going to make me kill her. "Amber what I said was a lie but-"

"I don't want to hear it then! I'm leaving stupid!" I got up to make way for the door and she slammed her hand down on it. Even as I was pulling the doorknob. The door didn't budge It's only at this point. That I noticed how much taller Melody is than me. And probably stronger since she's holding the door down with one hand. "I'm sorry I lied to you but I really needed to talk to you." Still she speaks to me in that calm tone of voice. Even though all I ever do is scream at her. This girl is a saint and I don't like that at all. "What Melody what's so important! That you have to lie and lock me in a damn room with you! When you know very well that I hate your guts!" She looked down at me with this sadness in her eyes. "I don't want to continue being hated by you." I know I had some serious rage in my eyes. "Then stay away from my brother!" "I want to help you." Now I'm scoffing at her. "There's nothing a good girl like you! Can ever do to help me! In fact I don't even need the help! I'm fine mind your business!"

"Who's abusing you?" I stood stock still for a long while I had forgotten. That she saw the back of my head when it was wounded. "I'm not being abused you know nothing mind your business."

"Oh no I can't not say anything the law dictates that you have to say something."  
"I don't give a damn what your law says. It was just an accident nothing more."

"An accident doesn't leave a 12 in. long line of stitches in the back of a little girls head."

"Let me out I'm leaving."

"You can't run away from the problem. Please let me help you."

"I said let me out!"

"It's ok I know your dad has a medical degree he could easily patch you up if something went wrong. And I know because Nathaniel comes to school scarred up too. He's always complaining about how his dad hits him for no reason. Please let me help you my family will adopt the both of you."

That's it I'm sick of her. I took my hand and smacked her straight across the face. Which made her back away from the door. I quickly yanked open and took off down the hallway. She truly knows nothing. She only knows Nathaniel's side of things. And he won't even tell her the whole story. The only reason Nathaniel gets hit at all. Is because he's always so quick to put his hands on me. And yes my father does patch me up. Because the Hospital is 45 minutes away from us. With the injuries that I have due to my stupid brother. I wouldn't last 45 minutes in the car. I'd be dead before I got there. But is daddy not telling anyone what happens between all of us a crime? I shook my head no what happens at home. Stays at home it's not a big deal. It's just two siblings fighting and the dad trying to get them to stop.

I got outside my classroom door. And smiled at least Capucine understands she never says anything.

Melody just likes to make a big deal out of everything. I swung the door to the classroom open.

"Hello everyone I'm back!" The teacher sighed as he was in the middle of a lesson. And a lot of the students rolled there eyes at me. But I could care less cause my little support corner. All waved and smiled at me. "Amber please take a seat don't come in distracting the entire class."

"Whatever." I skipped over to our little table and sat down. Now time to spend the period like I always do. Running my mouth while writing out my work.

Class eventually passed and it was time for lunch. I thought this time would never come! I need to find Nathaniel and give him a piece of my mind. Jumping up from my seat and heading out into the hallway. I found my hand to be grabbed by Li.

"Where are you going girl? The lunch room is the other way." I laughed I forgot I had friends and I couldn't just wander off alone. "No I'm going to find my brother. I'll have lunch with him today."

Capucine looked shocked and then worried. "Are you really having lunch with your brother?"

"Yeah I am if it doesn't work out. I'll come spend the rest with you guys." Charlotte actually decided to speak. "You know the sleepover is today we have to talk about it?" I sighed I was all over the sleepover yesterday. And then I most totally forgot today. "I'm sorry you guys I forgot. Anyways you all just have to come to my house. You don't have to bring anything. We have plenty of guest stuff you can use. Like soap, toothpaste, Toothbrushes, Towels, And pretty much everything else. All you have to do is show up. Bring two pairs of clothes though. In case we all get stir crazy and want to go for a walk. In like the middle of the night or something. Does that sound doable or do I have to make it easier?"

The three of them nodded yes to me. "Ok then I'm off have fun you guys!" I ran down the hallway and to the student council room. I opened the door a bit and peeked in. "Nathaniel..." Melody wasn't in there and it turns out he was alone. I was happy and I walked in locking the door behind me. I won't have any disturbances. "Amber what are you doing in here?" "I can't come spend lunch with you?"

He pulled out a chair for me next to his own. "No it's fine but what's wrong?"

"Why did you tell her?" "Slow down please make the context of the conversation clear."

"Melody why does she know so much about our family? She saying that you told her about you and Father's constant altercations. And she saw the back of my head one day when I had stitches in. Now she's going on about us being abused. And how she wants to help by letting her family. Adopt us and crap I'm going to kill her. Why would you say anything? Don't you understand I like our home. I don't want to be given away to people who don't love me. And why didn't you tell the whole truth? That the person hurting me was never dad. That it's always you."

He looked down at the floor. "I just wanted to vent I didn't know she would bother you as well. I'll talk to her and tell her not to bother you anymore. And besides she can't do that anyways. If she wants us to get married in the future. Then she can't adopt the both of us. That would make us her siblings and that's a sin...Siblings can't be together ever I don't think Melody knew that. I'll straighten everything out ok Amber were not going anywhere. Our lives have just gotten normal again. I won't break it or rather I'll try not to." And he was right we just got to a state where things were normal. For the first time in our lives we can talk to each other. And things aren't screamed and nobody ends up hurt. I finally stopped thinking long enough to notice. His hand was holding mine he then stood up. Taking me along with him. "Where are we going Nathaniel?" " Were going home now." "But you can't just skip?"

"As a matter of a fact I can and you do it all the time." I rolled my eyes so now everything one of us does the other can do. But he was actually serious and that's what shocked me. We began walking home from school together. I hope my friends can manage without me. On the other hand they should be used to me pulling vanishing acts on them. "Nathaniel why are we going home anyways?"

"Because I'm tired of being in school and I know you are too." Well he was right about that there's literally nothing for me to stay in school for. The work is easy Capucine never talks during class. Although Li will sit and run her mouth with me. If I'm not there she can just talk to Charlotte so no big loss on my part really. Nathaniel reached for the doorknob and suddenly all the windows on the front side of our house shattered and fell.

Nathaniel pov

Just as I reached for the door knob my ears were met with a disturbing scream. "Ahhhhhhh!" I turned around to look at Amber who was just standing there. Eyes glazed over with some type of fear.

"Amber! Amber! Are you listening!? What's wrong!?" I started to shake her this reminds me. Of that night in bed. When she just wouldn't stop screaming does this happen often? There's nothing going on there's nothing near her that would scare her so what's wrong? Can she even see me or hear me? She seemed to be looking upwards. So I looked up everything was in place. What was going on? I grabbed her hand and took her inside. The best thing to do in a situation like this is to not panic. So I went to the kitchen got a glass of water quickly and threw it on her. Then she stopped screaming inhaled and relaxed. She seemed to be adjusting to reality once more. Then she stared at me and started crying.

I sat down next to her and rubbed her back. Although I don't think it's wise for me to be this close. Because of last time. When she was finally all cried out she looked up at me.

"What happened out there you started screaming for no reason." Her eyes had this dullness about them. As she gazed at me. "The windows shattered and they fell. You saved me you placed your body over top of mine. But you died with shards of glass impaling your body everywhere! There was blood everywhere!" Her breathing became uneven once again and she was starting to get hysterical. I hugged her tightly. "Amber I'm right here I'm not dead. There's no blood there is no need for you to worry."

After my words finally registered in her head. She nodded yes and I released her. I don't want to hold her any longer than necessary. "I'm fine now I'm going to go to bed. Maybe I'm just tired. Wake me up when my company gets here." She headed off upstairs and I watched her leave.

"Dear god are you tormenting me? Please leave my sister alone. She doesn't deserve the same type of nightmares I suffer through."

Amber pov

Just when the nightmares finally stopped. They turned into Hallucinations why though? What am I doing wrong? I thought everything was ok. Nathaniel and I are behaving were being nice. So why am I feeling this crushing painful punishment? I stuck my head into my pillow. It's not fair how did I mess up? I don't even know and as scared as I am to sleep. I think I had better go anyways it's the best thing for me. Maybe my dreams will send me a clue of what's wrong.


	12. A Line Crossed Laying In Your Arms

"_A social line is always there for a reason. Rather you cross them or not is up to you. But what do you do if you feel all the will being sucked away from you?"_

I awoke with a start and then looked around. I was at home in my bed. I kicked the dresser for good measure. Am I actually awake? I walked over to my door might as well see if my friends are here.

Opening the door I came face to face with my mother. "Amber don't do things like that."

Now I know I must be dreaming. My mother is gone she was taken away. As much as it pains me to say that it is the truth. But now is my chance to get answers. So I can't dwell on the pain for too long.

"What am I doing wrong?" She looks at me with this kind facial expression. And I frown it hurts too much. "I'm sorry darling you haven't done anything wrong..yet" "Mom I don't understand!"

"Or maybe it's me doing the wrong thing." She vanished without another word. And I truly awoke at the door of my bedroom. In a cold sweat face to face with Nathaniel. He walked in the room and locked it as I stepped away from the door.

"Amber how long have you been having these visions?"

"This was my third I believe." He walked over to me and gently placed his hand. On my cheek I flinched away at first. But then I composed myself through sheer will power.

"You'll be ok." He slid his hand away from my face. While I could feel my cheeks turn red.

With his back turned to me and half way out the door. He decided to speak again.

"Your friends are here try and act like yourself." What does he mean act like myself. I always act like myself! So stupid I hate his smart remarks.

Hey my friends are here! Quickly I got some pajamas and took a short bath. Because I knew since I had been sweating I wouldn't smell nice at all. Then rushed down the stairs. I waved frantically to the small group of girls in my doorway. Maybe I'm a bit too excited. But this is my first slumber party so I can't help it. Capucine without out any delay ran up and hugged me.

"Amber it's so nice to see you in night clothes." She rubbed her head against me. I felt a giggle escape me. "Hey Amber isn't your house a bit big?" Charlotte says this to me and. I'm fighting back the urge to strangle her. So instead I'm kindly sarcastic and will gloat. "Oh my god you have no idea. This place is huge and it's bigger than just the first floor." She rolled her eyes somewhat. I smirked knowing I had won. Then Li decided to speak finally. She's been in my house for how long?

"Yes yes your house is nice, Big deal your a rich girl. I don't care where's the food?"

"Excuse you I'm your hostess not your slave. If you want some food get it yourself." Li left to terrorize my kitchen. Charlotte following not to far behind her. Capucine stayed beside me holding my hand.

This is a bit different than normal for her. "Capucine is something wrong. I know you usually avoid them but. Now your holding my hand and to be honest. Your shaking like crazy."

She snapped her head towards me. And had a look of indifference on her face.

"Amber let's go upstairs together." To this I nodded eagerly and skipped up the stairs.

Once we arrived in my bedroom. Capucine locked my door and went over to my bed. Patting the space beside her I sat down. "I have never been to someone's house for the night. I don't know how to behave. And I don't want to mess anything up." I shook my head in understanding.

"You know this is my first sleepover ever. You are my first friend after all. So yeah were both confused about this." She sighed and I did along side her. "But you know what we could make this fun."

She turned to me arching her eyebrow. "We could beat the crap out of the other two?" Her eyes lit up oh yes that's what I like to see in her. Way better than that confused sulky atmosphere! I went to my closet and opened it up. Out fell many many pillows. Oh pillow closet oh how I love you. I hardly ever used you. And now your doing something for me. "Come on Capucine plenty of pillows to go around."

She walked over and the two of us began arming ourselves. And getting in position I stood on the side of my dresser. While she took the position behind the door. I looked at Capucine and smiled. She pulled out her cellphone and called them to both come up stairs. Yes this was going to be so much fun.

They both entered the room and quickly we jumped out and started to smack them with the pillows.

Sadly my pillow was snatched away from me. And so I ran to the closet as best as I could. Avoiding the assault of Li. Who didn't take getting smacked in the face to well. I giggled and turned to try and get the pillow away from her. But it merely ripped in half we both started to cough. Because of the feathers I turned to make a break for the pile of pillows. But bumped into Capucine we both fell to the floor. And Charlotte actually managed to get herself a pillow. And started beating me over the head with it. That was when Capucine defended me yay! I mean we are teammates after all she swung the pillow. Knocking Charlotte over into Li who was just recovering from the feather incident. It was as bad as smoke screen to a ninja. The two of us making haste got up and pinned the two of them to the floor.

"Now surrender!" The two gave up and Capucine and I high five each other. As I started to walk away. Head full of happiness I tripped over Li's foot. And hit the bed bounced off and landed on the floor.

Than they all began laughing. "Oh ha ha it's so funny isn't it?" I rolled my eyes at them then smirked.

"Keep laughing and all of you will be sleeping on the floor. In the same spot where I just fell." None of them found that funny. So I laughed the perfect way to get back at people.

"Guys I'm going to set up a movie in the living room. So just wait here for me to get back." I stopped and thought about what I said. "Actually go to the room down the hall. And gets us more pillows and blankets. That way we are actually comfortable when the movie plays." I skipped down the spiral stair case to go start the movie.

Capucine pov

That was really fun although I feel bad. I shouldn't have lied to her to get her alone in her room. It never crossed my mind she would want the other two upstairs as well. That made me just a bit upset. I started off on my way down the hall. I want to get the blankets as soon as possible. Amber and I will share the cutest one together. As I began pretty much skipping down the hall. I reached passed her brother's room. I have a really really bad feeling about him. It will not leave me it won't fade away. And it's a shame I probably would have liked being friends with him too. That's when lost in my trance the two headache's approached me. "So you hit me pretty hard with that pillow?" Is she serious of course I hit her hard. She hit Amber what did she want me to do? Stand back and do nothing she's got another thing coming. "Yeah but it was just a pillow fight Charlotte calm down ok." Li looked at me a bit pissed off but I couldn't care less. I wanted to ignore them so badly and get my blanket. But low and behold they decided they wanted to talk. And I can't just say shut up can I?

"You only hit her that hard because of Amber. So what do you not like us or something?" Well mom said honesty is the best policy. I shrug my shoulders. "Actually I hate the both of you quite a bit."

Li looked a little shocked. However Charlotte wasn't even phased in the least.

"I can't be shocked when your used to not sharing her. I felt the same way before too."

"No I don't think you have felt the same way as me. Not ever and you never will." I gripped the cute pink lace blanket. And started to walk away. When Li decided to open her stupid mouth!

"Oh so you don't want to just be friends with Amber. Your a lesbian aren't you?" I dropped the blanket on the floor and walked straight up to her. "Shut the hell up! You don't know how I feel about her! So just mind your damn business! I can't stand your kind always making assumptions like you know everything!" Then I heard a door open I turned around to look. And Li slapped me that was when I got really mad. I grabbed her by her hair an slapped her. Then just as Charlotte was about to have a go at me. I was grabbed from behind. I turned and landed face to face with Nathaniel.

"All of you stop it. This is my sisters first slumber party don't ruin it for her." He then dragged me away to Amber's bedroom. Once we got behind closed doors I felt all types of emotions boil over.

"Let go of me!" I snatched my hand away from him. He stared at me with a look of indifference.

"You calm down whatever feelings you have for my sister. Get rid of them I simply won't have it."

I rolled my eyes at him. "You go to hell you woman beater. I don't want to hear anything from you!"

"I'm not a woman beater. And I'm making my position clear now. If you attempt to ruin my sister's innocence I will make sure your regret it. For as long as you live Capucine. And don't think this is a joke because I'm serious." After hearing all of this only one thing crossed my mind. And I decided to voice it being the kind of person I am. "Your disgusting your worse than me." He kept on staring at me. He never broke eye contact. "How am I anywhere on a level with you?" That's an interesting turn he took. I didn't think he would change topics so quickly. "You are something else. Your unique just like your sister." I giggled which successfully made him upset. "I don't have time to waste with you. Your sister is waiting downstairs for me. But keep this in mind next time I see you alone. I will staple your hands to that beloved student council desk." I walked past him and was at the door. All I heard from him was a very quite.

"Your going to staple my hands? That's funny and people tell me. My jokes are bad have they heard yours?" I left the room with a scowl on my face. Come to find out he's very good at breaking down my facade as well. I peered down the hallway. To see the pink blanket still on the floor. I heard Charlotte and Li's voices from down the hall. Those bastard how dare they go to spend time with her first. Grabbing the blanket I made my way down the stairs.

Amber pov

I wonder where Capucine is? She's taking a long time to get here. I'm trying my best to stay calm and laugh with the others. But something doesn't feel quite right. And what's up with Li's face? Better just ask then. "Li what happened to your face?" Well actually you can blame this on c-"

"Her constant putting on make up it's destroying her face." I stared at both of them wide eyed.

While they exchanged looks with one another. I merely decided to drop it and let both of them. Have their own fun. That was when Capucine came down stairs. I leaned over the couch facing the wrong way.

"Capucine took you long enough!" She looked at me and smiled. "I'm not as fast with your house. This place might as well be a maze." I shook my head in agreement. "Yeah this place is pretty big."

She handed me the blanket to which I just stared at. "What do you want me to do with this?"

"Girl were going to share the blanket and watch the movie." She sighed and I let some of my annoyance take over. "Stop treating me like I'm stupid I knew that!" Together her and I curled up on the couch. And watched the movie well to be perfectly honest. It was an anime Le Chevalier D'eon I love that show. And for some reason I think It scared Li. Charlotte didn't look interested at all. And every time I looked at Capucine she was staring at me. I guess that was her silent begging of me to turn the Anime off. But I wasn't going to do it so ha! Somewhere around episode 12 everyone had gone to sleep.

I untangled myself from Capucine and the blanket. And walked in the kitchen I was just going to get some water. That was when I was thrown off guard. Nathaniel walked into the kitchen from the other side. We bumped straight into each other. "Are you having fun?" "Yeah I guess so everyone's asleep though I should be smart and throw water on all of them." "I guess you could do that. But think about Dad or better yet think about me. Having to clean that mess later on." "Why should I?" I started to pour myself a drink. I notice I was a bit cold towards him. But it's like he doesn't know how to have fun. So It's starting to tick me off quite a bit now. He sat down in the chair and I sat across from him.

"Why are you taking a seat?" I would like to know why he sat down. Does he want to talk to me or something? "I could ask you the same thing." He could have but he didn't this feeling surrounding the two of us. It's not normal it's a bit nerve wrecking. "Do you want to go upstairs and talk then?"

He didn't answer me simply stood up and grabbed my hand taking me up stairs.

And he looked rather spaced out as we walked down the hall together. Once we got to his bedroom together. His spaced out look vanished and he locked the door. I quirked an eyebrow but stayed silent.

Maybe he thinks Capucine will come looking for me. Which I wouldn't put it beside her she's so clingy. But that's ok with me.

He stood in front of me and looked down on me. "Amber are you paying attention?" I nodded my head yes of course I'm paying attention.

"You aren't seeing things you aren't dreaming understand."

"What are you going on about? Seriously Nathaniel."

I went to make a move for the door. But he grabbed me by my waist and pulled me backwards. Towards his chest why in that moment. I was reminded of when Castiel.

Had done the same thing to me? That day the three of us met up in the town together. I patted his hands gently I don't want to anger him.

"Look I get it I won't leave just tell me what's making you act like this." He remained silent I was starting to get fed up. He was wasting my time "Nathaniel are you listeni-"

His lips brushed against my neck. And then his tongue licked the same spot. I felt heat rush to my face. He licked my neck must fight back urge to kill!

Then his hands that were firmly wrapped against my waist. Moved to either side of my body and I was starting to shiver from his touch.

He's not normally this close to me. And at that why now? What is he doing? And my mind is starting to wander. Are we possibly too close?

"Nathaniel what are you doing?" "Relax Amber I'm only touching you."

"I..I know but is this too close?" Bastard is making me trip over my own words. This situation is starting to turn out to be the worse.

"Hardly if you ask me we aren't close enough. And you know this so I would rather you not question my actions."

I inhaled I don't really know what to do. All I know is that at the moment his hand is sliding rather close to my breast. Stop it I want to scream at him. He at least owes me A explanation.

"You know I'm flat chested right?" "No your not your fine just the way you are." I'm starting to panic at this point. He's not going to touch me there right? I have never been touched there before.

I can't say I don't want to be ever though. This is not the time to have thought's like this.

But something just seems a miss here. His hand gently squeezed my small breast and I let out a soft moan. I didn't even know that I was capable of sounding that way. My face burns this is embarrassing.

"Does that feel good to you?" What should I say to answer that?

I shrugged my shoulders I have no good answer. So he does it again

"Ahhhh..."

"So I'll take that as you do like it?"

It does feel really good but this is going to far.

"Nathaniel you have to stop." He backed away from me but grabbed a hold of my hand.

Dragging me to his bed. When he released me I landed on my back. In the center of the bed. Facing up at him his eyes were not clouded with lust the way. I expected them to be.

Words can not describe the look on his face. What ever emotion that was there was followed by an intense blush.

I was starting to feel uneasy under his glace. I crossed my arms over my chest and turned my head to the side. In order to avoid eye contact.

"Amber if you don't look at me I'll feel horrible beyond words." I did not face him again.

"I told you to stop.."

"Am I doing something wrong?" He leaned down over top of me close to my face. Our lips almost meeting when I looked at him again.

"You can't steal my first kiss that isn't fair."

"But what if I already took it and you simply don't remember." My mind was starting to reel.

That can't be true he wouldn't do that?! But I swore I felt him kiss me before. I shifted away from him. And his hand did something I didn't see coming.

It traveled up the side of my leg underneath my dress. My face must have been on fire. And slowly for some reason unknown to me. I felt all the fight being sucked out of me. I couldn't tell him to stop. I couldn't move away. It's like I was trapped and tied down with invisible strings.

I guess part of me wants this..badly and has for a while. I want him to touch me. But more than anything I want him to love me. My body was acting stupid. My heart is disobeying brain. And it feels like all logic has been swept away. I hate this!

"Nathaniel.." My words came out a pathetic whimper. As I felt something warm on the inside of my legs. His mouth lowered on top of mine.

Covering it completely and I gasped in shock at first. It was strange but, our mouths moved in sync with one another. We were close too close I could feel his heartbeat.

And mine was beating rapidly I wonder if he heard it at all. We finally parted and stared at each other. And now I was able to identify that solid emotion.

It was longing I won't ask what I should do. I know this is my life and nobody can live it for me. However I'm not going to sit here. And do nothing while I have a chance to be loved by him. I'm not going to pass by something I wanted.

My lips parted and out came the words he had been waiting to hear. "Further than this." I sat up in bed and my hands traced over his night shirt. Unbuttoning it and flinging it to the floor.

Where as his hands took the ties of my night gown and unraveled them. Instinctively my hands flew up to cover my breast. He slowly peeled them away.

"It's not fair you saw me naked and I can't see you?" I remember that time I couldn't fall asleep. Correctly without thinking how dumb I was. For not knocking on his door.

I let my hands down and wrapped them around his neck. Anything to stop myself from covering up again. He placed his hands over my breast one at a time squeezing softly.

It felt so good and I feel a bit guilty? His hands pulled away and began to remove my nightgown. My hands fell to my sides. And since the warmth of his hands. Were no longer there it was cold.

"Are you sure this is ok Amber? Once we do these kinds of thing we can't take them back."

I looked him in the eye and I felt a smile place itself on my face.

"Don't you think were already in enough trouble?" Surprisingly he smiled back at me. "You can't erase the past." With all the thoughts running through my brain. And the moral part of me that's being destroyed. I couldn't think of this going any other way. I remember myself from my dreams. I remember how she confessed and he turned her away. I remember that I said I wouldn't cross this line.

I know that is is a sin. I am not a sheltered child. But I can silence all those thoughts. Because my older brother loves me. Well he will love me after all this is over right?

With that my nightgown found itself on the floor next to his shirt. I was in nothing but my panties with my legs tightly closed together. While he still maintained his pants. That made me a little insecure .

"You have to take them off. I don't want to be the only one." He quickly moved his head beside my ear his hand threading my hair behind my ear.

"Your going to have to make me." He kissed my cheek and my hands reached forward. And began to rid him of his pants. I'm not going to look at him but I can't close my eyes.

"It's fine to look." When he said this I shook my head no. As I heard his pants hit the floor. "Why don't you want to look you saw me before didn't you? Plus I have been seeing you this whole time."

Briefly I opened my eyes then shut them. "Why aren't you wearing any undergarments?"

"No man wears those to bed I don't even like wearing them outside."

I wanted to bang my head against the wall. "Nathaniel that's gross." "No it's not it's normal so is this." Backing away from me I opened my eyes as he was spreading apart my legs.

"No what are you doing..You can't do that." Not paying any mind to the words that left my mouth he stared at me from down there. And I put my hands over my mouth.

If I screamed it would only give him more of a push.

"Wow Amber does this really feel that good to you? Although I haven't even got far yet."

"I can't help it I have never done this before." His fingers left light traces over me and I shuddered a breath. He started to touch me and that heat had to be radiating off of me.

I laid down on the bed trying not to close my legs. As he stopped touching me and took away my panties. My heartbeat speed up am I really ready for this? Should I really be crossing this line? Dad would be so ashamed. The world would shun me even more than they already do. What the hell am I doing with myself? I have some how convinced myself. That this is ok even when it isn't. I felt tears prick at the corner of my eyes. I did not let them fall. I simply blinked them away like they were never there. I was given a little time to think. But as he slipped his finger across my clitoris. I inhaled sharply and kicked him a bit. To which he only giggled at.

"Your reactions are so innocent I'm glad I'm the only one who gets to do this to you." He repeated the action and I moaned a bit then he started to rub at it.

My hands clenched the sheets on the bed. As my hips hadn't quite decided what to do yet. Did I want to move against his hand or move away? I tried to stay still but that only made it worse.

I think I'm going to settle on moving against him. I had a feeling that this kind of intense pleasure would not go away. Until I gave into it fully. Every second that he touched me was.

Both pure bliss and hell because I know I wanted just a little more. For my emotions to over run completely. "I want to go a little further than this." I closed my eyes to avoid his smile.

But I couldn't avoid his touch "Ahhhhh!" I just barley managed to scream in a low voice. For his finger was penetrating me. And it hurt like hell I squirmed against him.

"Take it out." I whispered and he shook his head no.

"I'm not going to take it out Amber. Just hold still for me it will start to feel good." Why must I feel this incline to listen to him? I held still and he started to move in a back and forth motion.

And it was starting to feel really good. Without paying any good sense of mind I started to touch myself as well. "Amber your touching yourself." As if my face couldn't get any brighter.

I shrugged not really caring anymore the smart things he had to say. Then I detached myself from him removing both our hands. From my body I quickly got on top of him.

Now who was suffering from embarrassment him not me.

"You like to touch me then you should like when I do it to you."

I moved from on top of him to between his legs.

I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. But I think this might make him feel what I feel so I'll try it. My fingertips lingered against him. It was hard and hot not at all like how mine is wet and soft.

My hands started to pretty much move on their own accord. Stroking him at an even pace. Once I began to speed up I started to grasp him.

While gently my other hand was caressing his tip. He looked like he was enjoying himself. And I took that as a sign I was doing things right. But it never hurts to ask.

"Do you like this big brother?" His eyes widened in surprise and he pushed me away from him.

"Yes I like it but I like it even more when you call me big brother."

Taking me back into his arms. I laid on top of him while he kissed me. "Big brother." I said as his tongue pushed it's way into my mouth. My left hand started to stroke him again.

But more eagerly this time. And his right hand did the same to me in return. My breathing was coming in short breaths as was his. When suddenly I felt something I think he felt it too.

we both screamed a bit loudly and collapsed next to one another. I felt something sticky on my lower region that didn't belong to me. While he stared at the substance I left on his hand.

He licked his hand and I buried my head in his chest. As I felt the overwhelming urge to do the same thing. I guess it wouldn't hurt right?

I took a bit that was on me and moved my head away from him licking it.

He pulled the blanket up over both of us. And held me close to him I fell asleep.


	13. Confusion And Chaos Love Ridden Death

"_As the hole gets deeper instead of digging my way out. I cover myself in the dirt I want to die like this."_

This morning I awoke to tapping on my door. I sat up and felt cold air brush against me. I shivered and reality set in. Next to me was Nathaniel this was his room. That was his door being knocked on. This was a compromising situation we were in. I looked around nervously. What should I do? He isn't awake.

"Nathaniel open the door I can't find Amber." That was Capucine's voice. And that was when Nathaniel woke up. He looked at me, Threw the blanket over my head. So I took that as a sign to lay down. I heard him grab his robe off the door before opening it.

"I don't know where Amber is."

"Your a liar I heard you talking to her last night." She was still awake last night?

"It was last night Capucine this is now. I don't know where she is." There was this atmosphere around these two. It's like they don't like each other. I'm not shocked after I told Capucine about Nathaniel. I expected her to act like this. But what's Nathaniel's excuse? He's never spoken to Capucine before now right?

"You..do know what did you do to her?"

"Goodbye nosy little girl I'm closing my door." I heard her breathing become shallow. And the door make a sound as it was being pushed. It's like her nails were being dug into the door. What's going on I want to see. I have to stop it. But if I move from here then...

"What are you doing?!"

"I know she's in there what have you done to her!? Your crazy did you actually kill her last night!?" Then all was silent except some sobbing noises. I wanted to run to her. And tell her not to cry that I was alright.

"Maybe I did kill her there's nothing you can do." He slammed the door in her face. And the sobbing became louder than I had ever heard Capucine before. Not when she was mad at me. Not when I first met her and we fought over those shoes. She was totally hysterical. I sat up in bed holding the blanket to my body.

"Nathaniel tell her I'm ok why did you lie like that?" He looked different somehow. He wasn't as clam as he sounded at the door. He yanked the blanket away from me and I covered myself.

"Get dressed and get out Amber."

I blinked he's right I shouldn't be here right now. I grabbed my nightgown off the floor. And went into his bathroom to get washed. Closing the door behind me I almost screamed when I saw his bathroom. It's like it was a family shrine in there. Pictures of me and mom everywhere. Where's dad's picture? Better yet where's Nathaniel's pictures? Casting aside the weird feeling I was getting. I jumped in the shower and proceeded to bathe. Last night I guess I made love with my brother. I don't know if it counts or not. We didn't go all the way. But I'm wishing that we did. My face was turning red not from the water though. If I had done it then than I wouldn't have to worry about the next time. Wait what am I going on about?

"Next time..." I pushed my back up against the wall. And slid down to the floor. What we did was wrong! It wasn't supposed to happen! I started to bang my head against the wall gently. He didn't even say he loved me... "Amber get out the shower now dad is going to be awake soon." He didn't say he loved me. But I know he does he touched me like that. His eyes were full of longing. One simply doesn't take actions. The way we did without loving one another. I just noticed something I have been saying. I love him for a while. At that I smiled stood up. Redressed and left the bathroom. I should tell him how I feel. He looked worried and I sighed.

"Nathaniel you should relax ok were not in trouble or anything like that." He snapped his head to me the walked to his nightstand. "What are you saying Amber? Were not in trouble of course we are!" I flinched back he just needs to notice that nobody's know. Then he will be ok I guess we both have a habit of worrying. When we shouldn't after all. Then he began digging through the nightstand. I watched intently until I saw the cover of something that I didn't want to see. He had a bible and then my stomach started to eat away at me.

"What's wrong Amber? Are you finally starting to really take in the problem? Why did I have to show this too you for you to understand? Oh wait that's right your a child. And I'm disgusting because I took advantage of you. There's bigger things to worry about than just dad. We have violated too many rules in such a short amount of time. " I started to shake a bit. I don't like religion I don't like where this conversation is going. If mom is actually dead then she saw everything. She knows the type of sinful children she has. And ...I..something must be wrong with me. I felt tears roll down my cheek. However I do not wipe them away. They need to be shed. Even though they won't cleanse me. Something must be wrong with me because I don't regret a single thing. He sat next to me and thrust the bible into my arms.

"You should pray your a girl god will forgive you." I held the bible tightly and cried.

"I'm sorry..Nathaniel I can't do it I-"

"What do you mean you can't do it?"

"I thank you for worrying about me. But I can't pray to erase a sin. That I wanted to commit and that I don't regret." I looked at him with tears streaming down my face.

"No no no no no! Your going to pray your going to do the right thing!"

He was in full out panic mode. He reached into his dresser. And pulled out a Rosary. He turned his back to me and passed the beads through his hands slowly. I could hear his prayer and I wanted to rip my heart out. I feel...so awful right now. _ 'Please forgive my sister. For knows not what she does. If there is to be a punishment for this. I will take the blame for it is my fault. Please forgive my sister for she knows not what she does..'_ And the prayer repeated it's self. "Nathaniel stop!" I hit him with the book in the back of his head. "If your going to pray do it for yourself not me! I love you I don't regret anything! I wish you felt the same!"

It was on that note that I left the room. I entered my room and slammed the door. Everyone was gone, I guess they left after Capucine's meltdown. That was horrible I need to make it up to her.

I laid down on my bed and started up at the ceiling. That was when I noticed my laptop charger seemed to be sparking. "Oh geez I didn't know It was broken." I went to go unplug the stupid thing when another spark flew and the wire caught on fire. I jumped a bit and took my pillow and smacked the charger out of the wall. Then the whole pillow went up in flames. I let go of it but my hand still got burnt. The pillow laying on my floor was starting to set the rug on fire. I couldn't move I couldn't even breath. My whole room was catching on fire. And my body wouldn't move I was to scared.

I looked down at myself. And my dress was a couple inches from the flame. I actually moved that time and I went to the door of my room. And tried to pull it open. But it wouldn't open was it jammed because I slammed it? I kept pulling on the door in a panic. I can't go out the window this is the only way out.

I heard something from the other side of the door. "You won't pray you can face the consequences! You can burn in hell!" I let go of the door in shock. As the flames started to burn my body viciously. I covered my eyes and let out an agonizing scream. I removed my hands and I was on the floor. No flames I looked at my skin. I wasn't burned but..but it felt so real. I looked around my room to notice. My charger was really knocked out the wall. My pillow was ripped to oblivion on the floor. And that voice that spoke to me. Outside that door..It belonged to myself. I moved away from the door slowly. And sat on my bed. Trying to calm myself as best as I could. But it just wasn't working. I pulled my knees to my chest and started screaming. Somewhere along the way I eventually started to sleep.

I was in a dark alley way. And I couldn't see anything all I heard was voices. And they weren't speaking calmly they were screaming. I tried to listen and make them out. I could only make out Capucine and Melody. Why am I dreaming of them? The only people who have ever appeared in my dreams. Before were Nathaniel and my mother. Then my vision changed from black to red. I awoke in an instant. I jumped up out of bed and went into the bathroom. Looking to my left I saw out the window. It was a new day although the sun was shining. Something didn't feel right to me. Maybe it's the fact that I slept 16 hours. I rubbed my eyes and started up my shower. Today I have to be on the look out for something strange. I heard a knock on the door

"I'm in here." The door opened anyway.

"Good morning Amber." It's Nathaniel I wonder what he wants? He really shouldn't talk to me. If he regrets what has been done so badly.

"Good morning should you really be talking to me?"

"Of course I should talk to you, You are my little sister correct?"

I nodded my head although I doubt he could see it.

"So like do you have to go to the bathroom or something?"

"No silly I'm already dressed for school." I furrowed my eyebrow and frowned. What the hell is he in here for then?

"What do you want Nathaniel?"

I was starting to become seriously uncomfortable. When he merely laughed at me.

"Oh wow your uncomfortable aren't you? Don't you know 8 out of 10 siblings talk to each other. While they are bathing either from the other side of the door. Or in the same room." I took my hand and pushed everything off of the shelf in front of me. "I think you forget were not those normal siblings!"

"We can be but only if you agree with me." I have had enough of him. I decided to block him out.

With my back against the shower door I sighed. "I won't become normal not for god Nathaniel and not for you. I think I already told you this but I don't care. Did you know no matter how much I bathe. I still feel your hands on my body. I still feel your lips against mine. And no matter how much you or my own mind torments me. I won't turn away because I Love You." It was at that point that he left the room. He doesn't love me back then. I sighed and decided to waste a few more minutes in the shower. Before eventually getting out and getting dressed.

I got dressed in a White and blue form fitting dress. It had no heels today just plain red flats. My hair was up in two ponytails,Tied with black ribbons. Now where's that thing I have been looking for? I started to throw the stuff off my night stand. Well I found it! It was a lavish diamond tiara. I put it on my head and smiled. I headed downstairs to see my dad sitting on the couch. With a newspaper in his hand. He put it down to stare at me. And I couldn't do anything but freeze. This is the first time since. Nathaniel and I crossed the line that I have seen him. And to be honest I feel nothing. I don't feel shame I don't want to apologize and that's why I'm frozen. How far gone is my mind?

"Amber your wearing that to school?" I didn't see anything wrong with my outfit? I tilted my head to the side. "Yes I am why is something wrong with it?" He placed the newspaper on the table.

"No there's nothing wrong with it. It's just that have you forgotten it's sports day?" I did forget! I didn't even pick anything. "It's not sports day it's extra curricular activity sign up day." I have to correct him every year because. All of them aren't sports. "I did forget ummm I need to pick something."

I walked out the front door. I guess I can pick before I get to school. I was traveling and got to the halfway point. Where I saw Castiel. My heart jumped out of my chest and on to the ground. Why am I feeling regret because of him? Oh that's why because I said I loved him. And wait it's not just that. It's that I still do. I put a smile on my face and ran up behind him. Crashing straight into his back. And wrapping my arms around his torso.

"Castiel!"

"What the hell!?" Any normal person would have fell over. But he has good balance.

"Good morning!" "Stop yelling good morning though." I let go of him and walked beside him.

"So how's your morning?" "It's been no different than usual."

"What are you going to pick today?"

"Is there an activity where you can be lazy?"

"Yeah it's called the book club."

"Oh well I'm not doing that. I hate books." I giggled and looked over at him.

"What should I do? Because I didn't choose?"

"I'm not going to help you." I frowned at him and he placed his hand over my face. His hands were remarkably warm and my face was getting red.

"Don't think I fall for things like pity."

"I wasn't thinking that I was just hoping you could help me."

"Well you should just get help elsewhere. Do something you like or something that would help you." I proceeded to have my dumb face on. "Just take up the fashion designing club since you like clothes. Or become a Cheerleader or a gymnast to make friends. You don't have that many right?"

"Thank you for all the wonderful ideas." He looked unamused at the fact. I just pretty much squished suggestions out of him. I don't think he's ever talked this much in the morning. It's not a bad thing now is it? When we arrived at school I went indoors and straight to class. Because everyone seemed to be in the hallway. I guess they are all trying to hurry up and get ready. The classroom was pretty much empty except me and Capucine. Who I promptly ran over and hugged. "Capucine!" She looked at me with shock. "Amber your alive!" I rolled my eyes at her. "Of course I'm alive I can't tell you how fail of a party that was! It won't happen again. Next time It will be just me and you ok?" She smiled and I guess I had made it up to her very well. She seems happy again so my job here is done.

"Amber what are you signing up for today?" I paced back and forth in the classroom.

"I guess I take Gymnast activities." Capucine looked at me and smirked.

"I think it suits you well but aren't you scared of heights?" Oh yeah she's right about that. I can't stand heights in the least. "Ok I'm taking Fashion designing then."

"You should have thought this out first."

"Since your pretty much seeping preparedness what did you pick?" She laughed at me. I guess she already anticipated that I thought she wouldn't have anything selected either. She reached inside of the classroom closet. And pulled out her bag a violin it was silver gold and blue. I couldn't help but notice she also had a Hockey stick in her bag. Is she going to play ice Hockey? I smothered a giggle.

"And by seeing this Amber what club do you think I choose?"

"Music club."

"Bingo now your brain is starting to work."

How dare she it's like she's looking down on me. At least I finish my work in class way before she does. I crossed my arms across my chest and frowned. "Come on let's go sign up already."

I grabbed her by the hand and dragged her out the classroom. She pretty much yanked me behind. As she stopped to grab her bag, Out of the closet. As the day progressed I noticed that. Charlotte and Li never showed up. I wonder where they are? Well maybe they decided to skip. I have nothing to do with that. I'll just ignore it Capucine's here so I guess I don't really mind.

It was lunch time and we were both eating in school today. More like neither of us was eating. But we were both in the lunch room. "Amber I'm going to the bathroom be right back." She grabbed her bag and was gone from my sight. Before I could even say the words ok.

Capucine pov

I feel a complete and total mess right now. Words can not describe it. I went into the bathroom and began vomiting into the toilet. I did not think it would bother me so much. After all I mean it was for a good cause. I flushed the toilet and left the stall. I walked over to the mirror. Reached into my bag and pulled out my hairbrush. Making sure my hair was pushed back in place. I placed my brush back into the bag. All I needed to do now was wash my hands. And then I can be done with this. I got the soap and started to wash my hands. The water as it passed through my hands. It turned red and I felt the urge to vomit rising again. But I ignored it dried my hands grabbed my bag and left the bathroom. "What is done can not be taken back. I refuse to take it back." I was on my way back to the Lunch room when I passed the student council room. The door was wide open so I decided to look inside. Melody had her back turned and her cellphone pressed to her ear. I decided to listen in on her conversation.

"Yes I want someone to do something. There's two children I know being abused. And my family wants to adopt them." My face shattered this girl is so nosy. I'm sure she's talking about Amber and Nathaniel. But it's not any of her business. Doesn't she know that what happens between families stays between them? I walked in the room to distract her from the call. I also closed the door behind me. "Melody."

She hung up her phone without even saying goodbye. She knows what she's doing is wrong. "Oh hello Capucine I didn't except to see you here. What are you doing here? How long have you been standing there?" I placed my bag down on the table. "I have been standing here long enough." I took a step towards her. And she backed away from me.

"Oh well you understand me right? I'm just trying to help some people I know."

"Your a liar your not helping Amber or Nathaniel. You need to mind your business. I understand why Amber doesn't like you now. Your nothing but a giant road block for her." Melody looked at me with sadness in her eyes. "Are you going through something similar is that why your on her side?" I looked at her with rage. "No I haven't on the contrary my life has been perfect! With the exception that my friends get stolen from me. But we won't have that happen anymore. Now will we? Your a rode block Melody. I'm going to knock you over." I picked up my bag and left the room. She will not destroy Amber's life I will not let her.

Amber pov

I was sitting in the lunch room bored as crap. When Capucine finally returned with a big smile on her face. Still dragging that bag around with her. I'm starting to get the idea. I should just buy her a collection of purses. Since it seems like she likes to carry stuff. "You finally came back I was bored."

"Oh really now were you hee hee" I crossed my arms and laid my head on the table. "Hey Capucine have you seen Li and Charlotte?" "No not at all." "Oh ok I think they may have skipped today."

"Well look at it this way. It's only you and me now." I looked up at her she seems to be adamant on something in that last sentence. But I can't pin point just what is it. So I will not respond to her.

"After all don't you miss the time when it was just the two of us together?"

"I don't miss it because it's something we can easily have again." I stuck my tongue out at her and the bell rang. It was time to head to my station. I departed with Capucine and walked into the appointed classroom. My application sheet in hand. At the desk was not a teacher.

But a girl with sliver hair and yellow eyes. In a school uniform type outfit. With several band aid's on her right arm. I handed her the paper. "You forgot to write your name on it." She handed the paper back to me. I picked up a pencil and wrote my name on it. Sliding it back to her she had this excited look on her face. "Oh so your the Amber everyone has been talking about." I rolled my eyes and looked at her. "I don't know how much you have heard about me. But who are you?" "My name is Rosalya and I run this club you and I will get along just fine." "Listen I don't want anymore friends." She stared back at me. " I said that we would get along. Not that we would be friends. I don't want you for a friend either. Your not my type."

"I'm glad we have come to an agreement." It's nice to be seated in a room with a person. Who obviously doesn't like you. As much as you don't like them. Although you just met each other. One of you wears a smile for appearance's sake. And the other is just completely radiating disgust. Yep I picked a good club to join. I can't even tell rather I'm being sarcastic or not anymore.

After club was over it was a bit late. And by a bit late I mean it's 5pm. It's already dark outside.

"Are you going to be ok walking home alone?" I wanted to throw a sewing needle at Rosalya but I didn't. "Are you assuming something bad is going to happen to me?" "Well no need to get ignorant I'm just saying your a little girl." She walked out the door and before she closed it she smirked at me and I flipped her off. "I don't like her very much at all." I put away my half sewed dress in the closet. And headed out into the hallway. It was dark why am I not surprised. But even more so in the hallway. I'm just going to hurry up and head home. Besides things don't feel right with Nathaniel and I really should talk to him. Maybe I should try one more time. To get him to understand. Or at the very least get him to say he loves me back. I was on my way to the front door. When I heard voices in the distance.

That's a bit odd. I poked my head out from around the corner. I wasn't going to disturb whoever it was just yet. I'm going to listen in first. Maybe I'll find a reason to blackmail the person. It could be fun it would be a nice game to play. Since right now I'm upset I think someone else should experience the pain. I decided to focus on what's going on. It's bad enough I'm kinda far back. I won't be able to hear anything. If I keep letting my mind wander like this.

"Capucine it's nice to see you.. I hope your not still upset about earlier." Melody that stupid goody two shoes. Is probably staying behind to clean up the school. I can't believe it does she think. That will gain her favor with my brother? But further more she did something to Capucine? I wonder what it was. Capucine is like a wall of stone sometimes. So I wonder what you could have possibly done to upset her? It looks like Melody isn't so squeaky clean after all. Capucine holding her hockey stick with one hand. And the bag with the other looks at Melody.

"Are you going to make that phone call again?" I can see Melody tense and then sigh again.

"I have to I have no choice Nathaniel and Amber need help and lots of it." This bitch...she will not leave me and Nathaniel alone! I'm going to lose it I swear. What's she planning to do now?! Is she trying to get us sent away still?

"I can't have that. You have one last time to change your mind Melody." At least Capucine has my back. But it seems like something is a miss. Why is she defending me and Nathaniel so hard? I know she hates Nathaniel. So it seems like this is all just for my sake. I smiled a bit she's a really good friend.

"I shall not change my mind! I don't know what's wrong with you people! Can't you see the right thing to do?!" I was just staring at Capucine's face. Then I looked to the floor beside her. She had dropped her bag. Then I looked back to her face. My heart stopped her stone wall had collapsed. Her eyes were widened to a unimaginable extent, But she was crying. "So it's like this. I'm forced to protect what's mine again? How long? How many people? Why are you all getting in my way?" I think I better go stop this before. I don't like to see Capucine upset like this. I stopped leaning against the wall. And I went took at step forward.

"What are you talking about Capucine she's not yours? You make it sound as if your in love with her?" Her face then turned to rage. "That's because I am!" And she swung the hockey stick. And it sliced Melody across the neck. I saw her blood splatter against the locker. I saw her body fall and hit the ground. I turned back around the corner. And put my hands over my mouth.

Carefully trying not to let out the scream of terror. That I have been holding in. As I repeatedly listen to the hockey stick make contact with Melody's body. I heard foot steps and the sound of the door. At the end of the hallway opening. "I do love her more than you've ever loved anyone in your whole life. Congratulations Melody your the third person I've killed. Your just not first in anything you do."

Then there was the sound of the door closing. I waited 5 or was it 10 minutes? And then I finally screamed.

"Ahhhhh Capucine No!"

I quickly picked up my body up off the ground. And ran out the back door of the school. I pulled out my cellphone as I was walking. And called Castiel I needed him here.

He always makes me feel safe. "Hello" "I don't feel safe! I don't feel safe! Come and get me please!" I screamed into the phone. "Hold on Amber calm down what happened!?" "Come to the hill behind the school!" "I'll be right there!" I didn't end the call. And neither did he. We kept the phones to our ears. It was the only thing connecting us to one another. All I heard was the sound of his heavy breathing as he was running. I saw him as he was running up the hill. I stood there and with a sigh of relieve. I dropped my cellphone on to the ground. He stood in front of me. And did something I didn't expect he wrapped his arms around me. I didn't cry into his chest I couldn't. I was all freaked out my emotions couldn't handle anymore than this. He didn't ask me what happened again. He just grabbed my hand and began walking with me. "Where are we going Castiel?" "Were going to my house for the night." I just nodded my head in agreement. And continued to walk home with him.


	14. The Past Won't Be Erased

"_Cutting ties breaking bonds. This never ending spiral of complete chaos." _

Nathaniel's Pov

I sat up in bed and was starting to get a stomachache. What's going on why do I feel like this? I think if I knew how I felt about anything. I would never have to worry. Maybe one day I'll be able to rein this all in. Looking around my room I started to muse about recent events. I'm a horrible older brother. She's truly cursed to have me. And I have destroyed her so much so. That she doesn't even want to pray. She doesn't want her salvation. How could I have messed up so badly? I wanted to bang my head against the wall. But I had to settle for my pillow cause it was the only thing near.

"I have to do something." _'No you don't this is everything you wanted right?'_ "I really didn't want this."

_'You really shouldn't lie to yourself. All that lingering affection you had built up. All that you couldn't embrace is now able to be fulfilled.'_ "I can't do that."_ 'But it's already too late to take back what's done.' _I was staring to get a headache as well. Why of all times for my brain to start talking. Why did it have to be now? "I can't undo the past but I can make up for it." _'I was going to laugh at you but that would be far to cruel now wouldn't it? You can't do a damn thing except embrace it. Stop holding out on your desires. Stop covering it up with something else.' _"I'm not covering it up. I have never done that." _'Your a bad liar. The constant fighting with her. Trying to push her away before you lost control. You could already feel your resolve cracking. And that's why I'm here to be honest with you. You love Amber not as your sister. Don't try to convince yourself otherwise.' _"Just shut up!" _'Nathaniel it's time for you to sleep again. Let's have another night full of Nightmares shall we?' _"No!" I felt everything shut down and my world turned black.

I opened my eyes to see my bed room. Looking to the left I saw the mirror. I was young again I frowned and sighed. _"So it's one of these again? Why do you keep making me relive parts of my life?"_

My body moved and left the room. Walking down the hall I stopped past my father's bedroom. Looking inside I saw him dressing Amber._ "Your so beautiful just like your mom." _He picked her up and turned to face me in the door way. Father held Amber in a form of protection. And then said to me._ "What do you want child?" "It's nothing."_ I heard my younger self reply to him. I sounded so frightened back then. I had every reason to sound that way. While she was being spoiled and dressed up to live like a princess. I was suffering at the hands of our father. And from the thoughts in my head. I watched myself go through out the day. I was avoiding my father. And my sister I stayed locked in my mother's closet for a long time. It was comforting being there. It was like she was here again. Hugging me and making sure no harm came to me. And that everyone in this family was being treated equally.

By 7 that night I had finally come out. I went to the basement and grabbed a shovel. I trudged it behind me as I walked to the backyard. _'Why are things like this? This isn't normal! I may be small but I know what's right and what's wrong. I don't think this family is right. Why should she get to have everything she wants? While I have nothing. Why should he get to hit me when I can't fight back?'_ As I was digging the hole. All those feeling I was having back then. Started to pile on top of the ones I have now. It was not a good feeling. I couldn't understand anything as a child. And even now I still don't understand. My heart made this sick breaking sound.

After digging a hole about four feet deep. I stepped away from it. I had a smile on my face. I walked into the house. Still holding my shovel. and up to Amber's bedroom. Staring at her sleeping face I wanted to slap her. But I couldn't because for some reason. Her face distorted to total anguish. Was that how me being here made her feel? Did she even know I was standing here? Her eyes opened at she gazed at me for several moments before screaming loudly. I quickly put a stop to it by putting my hand over her mouth. Couldn't wake dad right now. That would be horrible for all my planning.

"_Are you going to scream?"_ She shook her head no. And I removed my hand. She yawned and I held out my hand towards her. She did not take it but she did follow me. I led her into the back yard. She looked a little shocked. _"Nathaniel what's this?"_ Walking near her step by step. I raised the shovel a little higher. _"Nathaniel What's going on? Why is this hole here? Why do you look like that?"_ I had the most sadistic grin plastered on my face. I could see it reflected in her frightened eyes. Swinging the shovel I hit her over the head. Falling to the ground clutching her head in pain. As blood filled her right hand. _"No you don't get to die yet! Why not go ahead and suffer! That's all I have been doing since you were born!"_ I kicked her into the hold I dug. And hastily began covering it with dirt. I ignored her screams I had no regret in my heart back then. But now that's a different story. I shot up in bed and ran into the bathroom. Collapsing onto the floor. I really do love her...So why did I do such things to her?

My love for her outweighs my hate now. "I can't..I can't take it anymore." I felt the tears rolling down. And I gave them no attention. I deserve my pain all of it.

Amber pov

I sat next to Castiel on his bed. With the image repeating itself. The swing, The blood on the locker, The dropping body. I was shivering with fear. He dropped a blanket around me.

"Are you cold?"

"No just scared." He nodded his head to show his understanding. "Why are you alone where are your parents?" He looked at me and frowned. "Where do you get off just asking questions like that?"

"I'm sorry." Now I think I shocked him. He stared at me for several minutes. "Your sorry?"

I turned my body slightly and lunged myself towards him. His back against the bed. I hovered over top of him. Willing myself not to fall due to my heavily shaking body.

"I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry I lean on you like this."

"Honestly I don't mind. I have never had anyone to depend on. But even more I never had someone depend on me. I like taking care of you. And I guess that's because I like you." Castiel's eyes averted mine and he actually blushed. My heart cracked straight down the center. And the tears began to pour out of my eyes. They landed onto his face. "That's enough Amber just go to sleep." Removing me from himself. He laid me down on the bed next to him. Face to face we laid until the gap between us became no more. I had been kissed by him. A lot of my fears had vanished. With just that simple act from him. But there was one that hadn't faded. And that was Nathaniel and I. I let my eyes fall shut.

[] A Memory Inside of A Memory []

I was walking along the river bank. It flowed beautifully as the sun sparkled down on it. It was going to be dark soon. I could see the sun setting. Turning the water an orange color. I looked around for my family. Only to find my Mother,Father and Brother. Seated quite a bit away from me. I want to go for a walk. It wouldn't hurt if I left for just a bit right? So I went onwards away from my family. I felt like something shook my entire body. A flash of light blinded my eyes. Then A dark shadow looming over top of me. _"You come with me child."_ I looked up at this person. I had no clue who they were. Should I really go with them? They smiled at me and held out their hand. Which I absentmindedly took hold of. And we walked down the street together. I saw a car at the corner. _"Go on ahead and get in." _

I turned to this person and asked. _"Where are we going?" "To take you home ok?"_ I nodded my head in agreement. And put one foot in the car when I heard a shriek. _"Amber get away from that car!"_ I turned my head to see my mother. Who looked worried and running towards me. I took my foot out the car. The person pushed me and I stumbled back inside._ "Please don't take my child!" _My mother pleaded with the man. As the door was closed on me. I was scared so scared. Had this person lied to me? Why did I trust them in the first place? After a few minutes the car door opened.

I looked up frightened but it was only my mother. She had this bitter sweet look on her face. She dropped down beside me. Hugging me tightly and I hugged back. _"Amber I'm so glad your ok."_ _"Mommy what's going on?" " I wish I knew myself. But please run back to your father." _I looked at her confused. Why should I run back? When mom is here with me now. I opened my mouth to answer her. But she spoke instead. _"He will keep you safe Amber."_ The man walked inside the car. _"Say goodbye."_

Mother picked me up and put me down. Outside the car and kissed my cheek. _"Goodbye Amber I love you. Tell your brother that as well." "What do you mean goodbye? And what about daddy?" "Your father he already knows. You don't get married and stay married for 20 years and not be in love." _The driver of the car honked his horn. She got inside the car and looked at me. _"I love you."_ I only stared back and waved. _"I love you mommy." _The car pulled off. When it was no longer in site. I began running back to my father. And then for some reason. The tears just started to fall. I remember losing myself completely without being lost at all. And ending up with my father and brother. _"Natty mommy says she loves you." _All that I could get out before he attacked me.

I blinked my eyes open to see. Nathaniel standing over top of me. I started to scream but. He placed his hand over top of my mouth. I started to read him for signs of him being angry. I could find none so I relaxed a little bit. _"Are you going to scream?"_ I shook my head no. I yawned and he held his hand out towards me. Which I did not take. I was to concerned he might try and pull something. When he made a move for the door. I followed him why did he come here? What did he wake me up for? Not to say I'm not grateful. Because the memory I was having. It had no happy ending to it. We eventually made our way out into the back yard. It was destroyed there was a fairly deep hole in the ground. My eyes were probably wide at this point. Cause I did not understand. Why would he make a mess like this?

"_Nathaniel what's this?" _I turned my head to him. He was getting closer and closer to me. While raising the shovel a bit higher. His smile grew into something. I would not even consider a smile. He looked happy yet insane. _"Nathaniel What's going on? Why is this hole here? Why do you look like that?" _That was when he stuck me with the shovel. I fell to the ground in utter pain. Clutching my head and screaming. I moved my hand slightly away. And saw it was filled with blood. _"Ahhh!"_ I screamed at the sight of the blood. _"No you don't get to die yet! Why not go ahead and suffer! That's all I have been doing since you were born!"_I was kicked into that pit. I could feel my awareness fading.

"Stop it Nathaniel!" "Daddy help me!" "I don't want to die!" "Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!" I kept repeating as dirt was thrown over top of my body. I couldn't get up my head was in too much pain. My hands went motionless over my mouth and nose. And then I blacked out. Was I going to die like this?

My brain got in motion. And I don't know how long. I have been buried but. I did know I was breathing and still alive. I need to find a way out of this. My eyes opened weakly as pain shot through my head.

I regained feeling in my arms. And I had a bit of space between. My mouth nose and the dirt. In a tunneling motion. I started to press upwards on the dirt. Making it like a small arch and yelling. How long was I down here? How long did I scream for help? Before father finally showed up. And dug me out? I had no idea but I did know. It was daylight when I saw the surface again. My vision was clouded in white. As my mind prepared itself to be set in the present once more.

I awoke with Castiel laying beside me. It was time to go to school. But he was still sleeping.

I was going to school today. But I was going to be late. I mused as I gently crawled out of bed. To be careful not to wake him. I glanced from place to place. In his bedroom before spotting his back pack. I need to make a decision. I can't keep dragging him on like this. He told me he likes me. But I can't be with him. If I'm going to still think. Of having this immoral relationship with my brother. Going into his bag I pulled out paper and a pencil.

_Dear Castiel,_

_I want to thank you for all the things. You do for me even though you didn't have to._

_I know that you like me now. I want you to know the feeling is the same. I like you a lot. No that's incorrect I love you. And now I want to say I'm sorry. If you and I had different lives. We might have been able to be together. But I know in this life. I want to be with Nathaniel. I can't explain it at all. I know he's horrible to me. But we have done things to hurt each other. It's not all completely one sided. Please don't blame him. For the fact that we can't be together. I must sound stupid to you by this point._

_I wonder why your even still reading? I wanted to erase your loneliness. But I guess I just made it worse. I truly am not capable of doing anything for you. Typical blonde move of me sorry. _

_And this is going to sound selfish. But please don't ever forget about me. Because I certainly won't ever forget about you._

_Love Amber, _

This is my decision. There's no way to turn back now. I placed the note by his bed side. In the spot where I was laying. I took another look at his face. And smiled walking out the door. Then eventually leaving his house all together. I'm going to go get washed and changed. At my house then I will finally head to school.

Alright everyone the next chapter is the last. Please Enjoy until the ending.


	15. Never Ending Eternal Spiral Of Love

" _Visions overlapping mine mixed in with yours. Staring out into the distance. I will be forever yours the situation hasn't changed. My love for you will always remain." _

Nathaniel pov

I awoke this morning laying on the floor in my bathroom. With the sound of pounding on my bedroom door. "Nathaniel open up! Where is Amber?! I know you know where she is!" I could do nothing but shake my head. So she never came home last night. I wonder what happened but. At the same time I can't think about her anymore. Seeing as though it's probably my fault in the first place.

I did not leave the bathroom. I stayed seated on the floor. As if remaining their long enough. Would answer his questions. And she would eventually turn up. None of that which I had hoped. Happened he merely just kicked my bedroom door down. With irritation and mild weariness of confrontation. I would not leave my spot on that floor.

"Nathaniel open this door." With my back to the door. I thought about not answering. But knowing it would only make the situation worse I decided to answer. "No" "What do you mean no?"

"I meant I'm not opening the door..why should I?"

"Because I'm your father."

"Hardly." With that one word he started to pull at the doorknob. I backed away my heart racing. This was not something I wanted. I locked myself in here to repent for my actions. I did not need an outside source. As I was thinking all this to myself. I started to notice the banging ceased. It appeared as though he left. The sounds increased again he had just reentered my room. He just does not give up. All I want is to be alone. Would it be better if I just faced him? Walking out the bathroom I came face to face. With the barrel of the gun. I quickly tried to close the door back. To find his foot jammed in the opening.

"I'm not going to ask again. Where is your sister?" I couldn't speak like all my words got caught in a tight bind. I could only shake my head no. "That's not an answer child!" I wanted to flinch away at his words. But It seemed as though my body had tired of being afraid. I'm not scared Just in shock how could he point a gun at me? What a pointless question knowing I will never get an answer.

"I don't know where she is."

"Why did she leave?"

"I don't know why she left."

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER!" He kicked the door open and I stumbled. Falling into the bathtub behind me. He rushed in and stared at me. With a look of sheer hatred. Gun pointed to my head.

As the seconds of him staring at me. His arm trembling and my eyes widening. Somewhere along the way I decided not to care. Standing from the bathtub I walked up to him face to face.

"What did I do to her?"

"You better get away from me Nathaniel."

"But I thought you wanted your question answered?" He raised his hand and hit me with the gun.

My neck hurt like hell. I know that is going to bruise. His hand raised again and this time. I will not let him get away with it. Clasping my wrist over his. I took a step forward in attempt to get him. To release the gun. "LET GO NATHANIEL!"

"Well at first I was mean to her!"

"I said let go!" His foot stepped on mine with crushing force. And I returned the actions one in the same. Except I actually managed to kick his shin as well. "Then I tried to kill her!" "What the hell are you talking about?!" Stumbling forward his right hand punched me in the rib. And he pushed my back against the wall. My head jerked to the side. Swiftly turning it back staring into his eyes. I kept going nothing was going to stop me. From admitting the truth both to him. And myself as well. This has gone on for far to long.

"Somewhere along the way. I noticed I blamed her for mom's death. When it actually wasn't her fault. She was just a kid. I took out so much rage on her. For not a solid reason at all. Where was my logic? where had it gone? I would have known I was doing the wrong thing. If only someone had told me otherwise. But you were my incompetent parent. Always hitting me and never explaining why.

Sometimes I don't even think you knew why. And every time I took a step back and looked at Amber. For the person she was. I noticed there was nobody more perfect for me than her. I guess you must have noticed my feelings changing to. You became more cold towards me than you ever were. She's smart she puts up with my mood swings. Even though I hurt her. She always came back. Even when I tried to push her away. I tried to save her! In my own twisted way! I truly believed I was saving her! But you can't help who you fall in love with!"

Father stared at me with disbelieve on his face. "Your not in love with her."

"You can't decided these things for me. Like how you decided a lot of other things in my life."

"Your not in love with her."

"You sound like you can't accept the truth. At least now I know where I got that bad trait from."

"Stop making up this nonsense!"

"I love Amber! She loves me! We Had Sex!" His face distorted to blankness. Like the world around him had stopped moving. "I can't accept this! I won't accept this!" I knew in my mind his world had just ended. He had successfully raised two fail sinner children. My hand quickly raised and snatched the gun. "Just because your world slowed to a grinding halt. Doesn't mean mine has to as well."

_'This is the beginning of the end.'_ My father's body hit the floor. And he brought his knees to his chest.

"How could you defile her?"

"I asked myself that question many times. My only answer for a long time. Was that I was a bad person. I tried to repent ask forgiveness. Not like it would have mattered. Now I know the answer is just so simple. I love her more than anything else." His head buried in knees now. Slouching into a pathetic ball I let my voice ring out again. "Look at me I need to do just this thing right."

Father's eyes locked on mine. It hadn't been for any longer than ten seconds. I aimed at him pulled the trigger on the gun. And watch his brains splatter on the wall. It had landed on a picture of mom. Now I guess they can be together.

I should be scared. I should be frightened. I just killed my own father. But I wasn't really scared. I guess it felt like something. I should have done a long time ago. For all the beatings. For all the suffering I endured it was revenge. So I'm not scared but what's this sinking feeling? Maybe I'm just uneasy. Walking around his body I went to my bed room. Dressed in a white shirt, Black vest, Grey pants and Pink tie. Packed my back pack. Placed the gun inside of it. And left the house I need to hurry to school. I don't want to be late.

I have no idea what to expect going to school. I did know one thing though. I was going to find out why Amber didn't come home last night. Going up to the school. It looked perfectly normal. So why did I have this feeling of uneasiness magnify inside me? Opening the doors to the school building. I walked into the hall to see the principal. And a huddle of students. It seemed as though when I walked up. They all moved aside. I guess it was like make room for one more. But everyone's face was bleak. Like I should have probably turned away from whatever it was now. While I still had the chance. Ignored the warning for I hadn't cared enough at the time. Looking into the center it was a body...A dead body. Melody's dead body. Blood laid half dried on the floor beneath her. The principal hadn't made any moves. She looked as though she was still in shock. I looked at my schoolmates around me. I must have looked angry because people were avoiding my stares.

Amber was not here? Did Amber kill Melody is that why I haven't seen her? Is my sister a criminal?

That can't be it I may have stumbled across Amber's bad side. A few times myself but she would never. Do anything to kill a person. At least I don't think she would. Bringing my head up from my thoughts.

I looked to see someone walking up behind me. Turning my head it was Capucine. She had a smile on her face. "Good Morning everyone." her eyes glanced at the floor. And her expression remained unchanged.

Amber Pov

I entered my house and it was quiet. Of course it is father's at work. And Nathaniel is at school. I'm not upset by him not being here to greet me. These are the courses of a normal day. After all I said I was to be late today. But just one thing is wrong. It's not a normal day. I did not return home last night.

I expected dad to be walking around worried on his phone. Searching for me using his connections. I expected Nathaniel to be walking around irritated at my actions. So tell me why is it so quiet?

I went upstairs into my bedroom. Spotting a white dress with lace collar. I knew that was what I would wear today. I glanced around my bedroom. Slightly weary it's like I could feel danger outside my room.

Picking up a pair or Black ballet flats along with the dress. I headed into the bathroom. I was alone there was no danger. I guess because of Yesterday I just don't want to be alone. Entering the bathroom I bathed with the door closed and locked. "Murder my friend Capucine is a Murder." Shaking my head I tried to rid myself of the thoughts. Of her swinging the hockey stick. " If that was the third person she killed. Then who were the first two?" I banged my head against the shower door. What a stupid question when I haven't seen Charlotte and Li in days!

I knew she never liked them. But I didn't think she would go that far. What's worse is that she's doing all this... Because of me! Crossing my hands over my stomach I sighed. "I need to tell her to stop. I need to tell her we can't be friends anymore. Well at least not until she's less dangerous. Because honestly even through all of this. I don't want to give up on our friendship. She means a lot to me." No amount of planning is going to prepare me. In fact what if she tries to kill me next? Because I reject her and tell her how I feel. I decided I'm not going to care about it worry about it. My feelings are more important than anything to her right? Then the way I think matters to her. She will listen to me. I convinced myself of this and dressed.

Walking past a window in the hallway. I stared at myself and the world outside.

"This dress would look better with a tie." Nathaniel has ties he won't mind if I take one. I know for a fact he has a Pink one. He never wears I'll just take that one. It's not like he'll miss it anyways. Hurriedly stepping into his bedroom. I glanced around not spotting the said tie. I settled on taking his normal Blue one. That he wears almost every day. Tying it neatly and straightening it out. I patted it down as to mark it's finishing touches. When I saw his bathroom door was slightly open.

Is Nathaniel still here? Did father go to find me? And made Nathaniel wait at home for me?

Making my way over to the door. I opened it then I wish I hadn't. No I did not find my brother. What I found was my father. On the floor dead with his brains on the wall. My whole body started shaking. Why? Why was this happening? I blinked several times. To make sure I wasn't hallucinating again. The silence in that room had never felt so loud.

"Nobody could have done this. Nobody except Nathaniel he's the only one." I wanted to scream. I wanted to be angry. Ask him how after me taking away one parent, You could just get rid of the other? But instead I couldn't he really hurt Nathaniel. They never forgave each others mistakes. "Why are people dying around me?" I finally moved from my one spot. Getting rid of the shock flowing through me. I ran out the room. Down the stairs and out of my home. I was going to go to school. Not to pretend like nothing happened. But to talk about everything that has. Slowly in my mind. But quickly on my feet. I was approaching the school.

Nathaniel pov

Everyone in the hall way started to clear out. The principal made it clear. That everyone should proceed to gather in the Lunch room. But I couldn't go I kept looking at Melody's body. Along with Capucine's unchanging face. We stood on either side of the hall.

"So as you can see Melody's dead now." Capucine voiced her observations to me.

I was still angry but I couldn't let it out right now.

"Yes I see that do you know why?" She shrugged her shoulders and began walking towards me.

"It was because you ran your mouth. When you shouldn't have that's why. If anyone's to blame for her death it's you." I raised my eyebrow at her. "Is that so?" Honestly I can't see Melody dying for any reason except being involved with me. That's why from the minute I saw her body. I knew this was my fault. She's telling me things I already know.

"Yes it is now if you don't have any other questions I'm going to the lunch room." She walked past me and I grabbed her arm. She ripped it from my hold. Leaving her arm bruised and scratched. She backed up putting distance between the two of us. Her eyes simply scanned me in response.

"I never said I was done asking questions."

"What's wrong with your neck. You get your ass kicked by your father again?

"No as a matter of fact. I won that fight today. And I won't have to worry about it anymore." I advanced on her and I saw a small factor of fear in her eyes.

"I don't understand you at all."

"I'm not here for you to understand me. Where is Amber?" She looked at me passively never blinking once. "I don't know." Her eyes then glazed over with intense worry. All I was able to think was that she knew something. "Since you are adamant about lying with that question. I'll ask you another." Reaching into my backpack. I stared at her with anger and pity. "And this time you better answer me truthfully." She breaks from the thoughts circling her mind and stares at me. "You think I'm scared of you little boy? Why don't you go run home and lick your wounds? Even though that's the place you got them from anyways." I ignore her childish taunting. But it would be a lie if I said it wasn't bothering me. " What were you doing yesterday after school hours?"

"So you think I killed Melody?" She blinked three times and giggled.

"If you want to know so badly. The truth is I did kill her. The truth is I feel nothing about it. I protected Amber that's all that matters. Even if I had to save your sorry ass in the process."

"You are not protecting Amber."

"I know because I haven't gotten rid of you yet."

"You'll never get rid of me. Amber is mine." Capucine stepped towards me like she hadn't heard a word I said. Like she was blocking out any trace of warning. This girl was fearless yet fearful. She had no regard for her life. But was scared to lose Amber more than anything. Looking me in the eyes. I watched her lips make movement forming words. "Want to fight about it?" That was when my attention snapped back to the situation at hand. Ever step that she had taken. Her hand was positioned as mine. In her backpack she removed her hand quickly. And I could barley react before she shoved me. Into the locker and I felt a piercing pain through my hand. She had stapled my hand to the locker with a staple gun.

"You bitch!" My bag dropped to the floor. But I hadn't let go of the gun. It was in my left hand.

"I keep my word! Although I said desk originally!" She raised her weapon armed hand to hit me. I simply kicked her in her stomach. Causing her to fall down on the floor. Her staple gun leaving her grasp. Sliding it's way across the floor. Yanking my hand off the attached locker. I hurried my way over to her. As she scrambled to reach her weapon. Holding her stomach in pain. She reached for it then caught sight of my movements. I guess she thought I had a low tolerance for pain. Having my hand stapled to a locker is nothing. I'll break away from it. It's even more important to do so. Because my life depends on it. I stepped on her hand. Effectively crushing it I could hear her fingers break.

"Ahhh stop stepping on me!"

"Your a cold blooded murder why should I?! You don't feel anything right? You'll be fine now won't you?" I lifted my foot then kicked her in the chest this time. At least she won't concentrate on just the broken bones anymore. Bending over Capucine's body. She got a good look at me. I guess now she notices she's not the only one armed. "What are you.. Why do you?"

"I have it because I'm not afraid to use it." I gripped the front of her blazer and pulled her up of the floor. Slamming her head into the nearest locker. "You are never going to have Amber!" Turning her head just the slightest bit. She was able to face me. I commend her it must have taken a lot of strength through the pain. "I maybe won't have her your right...But I won't let you have her either!"

All her last words will be empty without meaning. At least I mean the things I say. I take my gun and level it to her head. Placing it right at her forehead.

That was when I heard the back door to the school open.

Amber pov

I was not going to walk in through the front. I had seen too many things. On that side of the hallway. Opening the back door of the school. I expected to see a mass group of people out of control. And damaged from the site that awaits them. I saw nothing I was met with chattering from the lunch room.

I guess the school is on lock down. But where are the police? Are they on their way? Or is the principal still trying to figure out what to do? I stood in silence I didn't want to go in the lunch room. I have a good feeling I wouldn't find Nathaniel there. My only other choice is to turn this corner. The very corner I stood behind last night. To hide myself from the insanity I witnessed. My heart was racing but what could possible be their to scare me now? Turning the corner I could have screamed. But I didn't I kept my voice low.

"Nathaniel no..." I was shaking my head no, My body was trembling. I could see Capucine's hand reach out to me. I started to run down the hall towards her.

"Stay where you are Amber!"

"Amber help me! I'm your friend your best friend!"

"Don't you dare move from that spot! I'm your brother listen to me!" My eyes darted back and forth between the two or them. I did not move though. There was nothing I could do at this point. Is this going to happen again? Is another person going to die? Watching Nathaniel's hand pull the trigger. And hearing the impact and splatter of blood. I guess it was true.

"Amber come over here." He said picking up his school bag. Placing the gun inside it. Before I could register I heard a lot of people coming up the hall. He begin to walk towards me. "Amber come with me we don't have much time." I couldn't...I just couldn't even though my heart truly want to. I ran towards him and pass him. To the front door and out of it. "Amber!" I kept running I didn't know where I was going. Maybe I was trying to escape this nightmare. But I knew for a fact. He was gaining on me. Nathaniel was older than me. Always stronger faster and in more pain then me. I love him I love him so much. Even after all he's done to me. I started to hear sirens in the distance. I guess the school did call the cops after all. I had run for quite some time. "Amber stop running!" His voice pushed me only further on. As if words could control such a thing. I skidded to a stop though. If only nightmares would stay out of reality. I had almost fallen and that's when he caught me. I was atop the steep path that lead to the river. Looking over I saw the sun was just starting to get into the sky. It could have only been about noon. The sun was shining on the bridge. It sparkled with only things I could call. Unholy and distressing. But somehow I just wasn't scared of it though. It seemed more like it was calling me than anything else. I heard the sound of something thud and hit the ground. Turning my neck slightly I stared at Nathaniel. "I got rid of it. Now will you stop running away from me?" He held his hand out towards me. I placed my hand in his. "I won't run anymore just help me down." We climbed down from the cliff together.

We got to the landing and it didn't feel right. I merely looked at him. "Lower than?" Was his response and we got into the river. The sound of sirens in the distance faded. Holding hands we walked straight down the river. That water was always deeper than. One could possible think. It's challenging just for me to walk. It's sort of like if Nathaniel and I if we were water.

"_Nobody would ever find us here."_ I say quietly to him facing him.

"_Not that they were looking for us in the first place."_ Our eyes stayed locked on each other.

"_Of course not were just those troubled siblings. People are glad that were gone."_

"_Well at least the feeling is mutual."_ He shrugged his shoulder and laughed.

"_Are you glad that the people are gone? Or are you glad that were gone away from them?"_

"_The answer you seek is both."_ I giggled and tripped off a rock. Falling over getting submerged into the water. Nathaniel lifted me up bridle style. He was carrying me although his back was wounded. And his hand was bleeding. His feet probably hurt like hell. Wrapping my arms around his neck. I placed my nose on even leveling with his. _"Nathaniel do you love me?" _

"_More than you could ever possibly understand." _

"_I...I need you to say it. Let me know that your feelings are real. And that you can put them in words."_

" _Amber I love you." _

"_Nathaniel I love you too."_ His lips softly placed themselves on mine. My eyes fluttered shut and I could see the setting sun in the distance. We kissed passionately and I could feel his hand. Working it's way through my hair. The kiss ended because all things come to an end. Good or bad I wish their was a way. We could play it on an eternal loop. All the good things we love and cherish.

"_We have been walking for such a long time."_ I shook my head no towards him.

"_You have been walking for a long time not me."_ I said this slightly ashamed I'm making him pull my weight as well.

"_You are apart of me Amber. So everything I do it's we. Everything I have done it's had you in mind."_

I could feel my face heating up. I laid it upon his shoulder. When suddenly he stopped walking.

"_What's the matter why did we stop walking?" _

"_Because all things eventually come to an end."_ I turned my head away from him. An saw something I hadn't expected.

That river that we had been walking. Was not in fact a river but the longer. We walked the more it changed into a waterfall. And right now he was standing at the edge of the waterfall. It was beautiful unlike anything I had ever seen in my dreams. The setting sun made the waterfall sparkle. And I could see our reflection in the water. Clearly as any mirror ever made. I climbed down from Nathaniel. But still held onto his hand. I wouldn't want to get swept away by the current. And then parted from him. We kept gazing at one another. As if this had been the answer we had been looking for all our life.

Then I opened my mouth to speak.

"_It's not true. Not all things end. The water that passes through here. Has been the same water from the very start. No matter how many rocks pile on top this. It will never stop going. The life of a waterfall. Is eternal and ever lasting."_ I looked up at him smiling.

"_Is that what you want to be?"_ His smile truly looked happy even though. We were talking about something like this. _" I only want to be that if I can be with you."_ He embraced me tightly. And I embraced him the same way.

"_Amber I love you." _

"_Nathaniel I love you too."_ Both of us kissed and closed our eyes. The feeling of being pushed into eternity together. Consumed the both of us. Nathaniel and Amber together forever.

**Yes that's it everyone this is the end. I can't tell you how hard I cried writing this. Review please everyone! Thank you all for reading Complex Issues. **


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